The story of my life is a tragedy and it is a novel in progress.
And yes, I am twice widowed. I am an incest survivor. I am now 34. I just gave birth to a baby boy and I’m stuck in a relationship where growth is formidable. I am yet enduring a life I detest. I have a wound that bleeds, then healed, then bleed again.
I come from the Philippines. Born and raised in Mindanao. A place called by many as war-stricken and poverty-stricken place. Many women in my place have stories of war and conflict, of submissiveness and complacency, of conservatism and nonchalance, of hope and pessimism, of the ironies in life, of joy and despair.
Many women in my place have wounds like mine, they come and go but never healed completely.
While I am completing this article, I just called the police, filed a blotter, detained my partner, and succumb to a wound that needs sutures to close it. The pain is deep. And the blood is flowing. It flows endlessly. But I have to move on and hold on to my faith that after I finish this write-up, I will be free. Free to take a step forward, to decide on what direction shall I take, to forgive myself for my wrong choices and to finally take the chance of absolute healing.
After this, I may be completing my assignment for the VOF 2016 Module 1. After this, I will be sleeping with my kids alone. After this, I shall embark on a journey I never thought would come soonest. After this, a new life will take place. Whatever life that would be, it’s yet unclear. But one thing is certain, it is something that will lead me to my New Year’s Resolution. It is something that will take me to where my passion is. Like I could finally watch my fingers dancing on the keyboard, allowing words to flow like the blood that flows from my eyebrow. And it will become pictures, moving pictures that will hit the head of those who close their minds. Those who ignore the importance and value of women in this society. And I know I could be free, in one way or another, to speak for my voice.
A clearer and more powerful voice this time. A more powerful voice that may inspire other women who are still afraid to let go of the feeling that they are meek, naïve, weak. A voice that will blend with the women in my place, that will juxtapose the life of a woman in a domestic environment and in a war-torn environment.
And together we can gather our stories to tell the world we are not weak. That we are just subjects of circumstances. That we can do better if we are provided better opportunity. That we can be healed completely if we are given a chance to thrive in a community that care, love and respect