Pursuing college at thirty five
May 28, 2019
Story
When I was a child, I used to play with papers, pencil and colors. I collected lots of card boards and other materials I could get my hands on. I loved to draw and explore all the vivid colors of life.
I still remember how excited I was each time my father brought tracing papers and blue prints from work as a civil engineer. There were tons of papers everywhere in our small room and my mom – a housewife – tiding the room all the time. You see I come from a poor family. I, my four siblings and my parents had to live in my grandparent’s house, segregated merely by dividers to make up tiny rooms.
I used to tell my parents that when I grew up I want to become an architect, a designer or a painter. I wanted to build our own house, and paint it. Although my parents encouraged my dreams and pursuits, becoming a painter wasn’t one of them as they didn’t earn any money and lived in a their own reality. That’s what my parents thought and warned me.
I have always remembered those words, and kept them in my mind. And so, I resolved never to become a painter, but I continued making dolls made out of cardboards and their clothes made out of papers.
When I was in high school my father went abroad for work. It was at that point in time that my mother saved enough money; so we did moved out from grandparent’s house and rented an apartment. We rented a small house with one room, and everything went well until my second year in high school when my father returned home and never wanted to work abroad anymore.
Life was never easy, but I wanted to continue my studies, so I went to my aunt, my mother’s sister and asked her to help and support my studies, and in return, I will help her in the house chores. I also volunteered to teach my two younger cousins in their academic studies while studying. I graduated my secondary school with honors with my aunt’s help.
After graduating, I wanted to enroll in a college and take up architecture. But when I went to apply in the universities, I couldn’t afford the tuition fees and neither did my aunt who suggested that I worked alongside my studies. I decided to go back to my parents place for there were several reasons. A 15 years old, I was growing up and needed the privacy of my own room and more than that, I felt like a burden at my aunt’s place.
For a 16 year old, there are limited choices of work and the first opportunity I got was to work at a bar as a singer. It was relatively good money and no one recognized me with makeup on. It was there I met a man way older than even my father. He showered me with gifts in return for my affections. He even helped me get enrolled in a university; fulfilling my life-long dream.
After 1 and 1/2 years in college, I applied as an overseas performing artist in Japan. My goal was to go abroad and save money to continue my college, but again I failed. The biggest advantage of working abroad was earning a lot more than in the Philippines. But there is always a flip side as it caused me so much heartache.
After almost 10 years of working abroad, I decided return home. I set up a salon, working hard as well as studying cosmetology. I also took short art lessons.
My first painting was a woman with women in her Philippine flag hair. Then I painted and painted and I never stopped. I have continued to paint on canvases and even walls, I have made mural arts locally and globally, I also joined different kinds art exhibits, more about women.
This month, April 2017, I went to University of the Philippines in Quezon City and tried to register my documents, hoping to enroll as a transferee, as Fine arts and shift from interior design to painting.
Luckily I got good grades and they accepted me. On April 3rd, when I had my first interview, the professor told me that I have a good hand in painting, he asked me why do I want to shift to painting, I answered “in painting I can easily express my feelings, it is easy for me to speak through painting than writing or designing.” He said that I am focused and I know what I want, he liked my works and advised me to practice my drawing and sketches.
My next test is on April 24th and lastly is on May 21st for the talent determination test. Of course I get nervous every test but, I need to overcome it, I will try my best as this is the best time for me, I believe that I should do this, it is now, or never.
This year I realized what was my heart wanted since I was a child, I always wanted to speak up and fight through paintings. I never realized that I am an art activist, not until I read about it, not until people told me that my works are all about women and children. Then I realized that I want to develop myself, I want to learn, to know more things about painting, as it is what I want in my life.
I realized and recalled what my parents told me about being a painter, and I believe that it is not true, for what true for me, is what my heart wants me to do, this is what my limbic brain tells me to do, this is my passion, this is me, I am a painter, this is what I want me to be.
yllang
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