I do not regret my past, growing up with you. I was a Jehovah’s Witness and that will always be part of my story. I grew up. I changed. I fell in love with the whole world. You searched for me, you found my stories and you did not approve. I wanted to make you happy so I tore out the pages and put my stories away. I didn’t want to hurt you but I hurt. The silence became more than I could carry. I understand that you can be no part of the world. I am part of this world now and so you can be no part of me. I will miss you.

This is my love letter to you.

To my Grandfather: I miss you. I miss your hugs and your laugh. You taught me about God and love. You were the living example of Jesus’ love for all. I will forever be grateful for the spiritual foundation that you gave me. I hope that I am like you. I wish you were here. I love you.

To my Grandmother: I miss you. I miss your soft face and the twinkle in your eyes. I can still hear you and grandpa singing together. You taught me to love and to forgive. I hope that I am like you. I wish you were here. I love you.

To my Twin Sister: You will always be my other half, my soul mate. What words cannot say there is no need. We always knew what the other was thinking. You are strong and brave and I am proud of you. I love you.

To my Little Sister: Like your middle name; you are delicate, beautiful and precious. I wish for you to be safe and happy. You are forever my baby sister and I am so proud of you. I love you.

To my Little Brother: I am so happy that you found love. Congratulations on your expected baby, he will be loved. You are forever my baby brother and I am so proud of you. I love you.

To my Mother: I forgive you. When I am my most vulnerable, I think of you. I wish that you could have been stronger. I know that you tried. I do still, love you.

To my Father: I don’t hate you. I forgave you. It’s the forgetting, I can’t. Wherever you are, I hope that you have found peace and reconciliation. I don’t know if I love you but, I try.

To the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses; I hope that someday soon you will discontinue these practices of disfellowshipping, reproving, disassociating and separating. I do not agree. Jesus would not agree. Jesus was love. He still loves me. Until then, respectfully.

To my family: No one can ever replace you.  I will miss you all. Whatever the time that may pass, I will always be glad to hear from you.

P.S. When you search for me and find my words and stories here, whatever your feelings may be. I hope most of all that you will still love me. Maybe, you will be proud of me.

(Previously posted on WP, January 2016)