In VOF Week 3, I shared a glimpse of my ridiculous childhood journals which I thankfully threw away many years ago. As we are in Week 4 now and are thinking of ''personal visions'', I have to say that having kept those journals as a kid taught me that ''personal visions'' are often temporary, and they may change.
We often come up with goals, dreams, idealistic imaginations and visions for our own personal lives as well as for the world, but these goals do not necessarily stay what they once were. With time, they may lose their certainty and credibility. It may not be too far-fetched to even say that we may even change too, and whatever means a lot to us at some point may lose its importance some years along the way. Realizing all this, I decided, many many years ago, that I would have to stick to ONE thing that I would KNOW I would not lose touch with no matter time passed by. I would have to keep at least this ONE thing that I will ALWAYS hold onto and keep a good grip of and not lose under any circumstances. That one thing I would keep for my sake, for my community and for the world altogether. That one thing, I decided, would be to not ever, under any circumstances, turn to become a bitter person.
You may think it is an easy task, but hey, life is tough. Not only is it tough, but for anyone who has gone through shock, pain, grief, loss, abuse, injustice or depression would know that it would be much easier to actually lose the glitter in one's eyes. I observe older people, who have seen more in life, and one can see that they are are less rigid when it comes to ''changing the world'' and that sort of thing. They perhaps know that the world has never really been that great to start with. Older persons have obviously turned more pages to know that life may well be temporary, and so may we be: slowly decaying while endlessly trying to understand who we are and who is it easier for us to be.
In some of those older people's faces, I have seen bitterness quite a few times. I recall the face of an older woman, never married, whose family have turned to a joke and left alone with no one but a cat. I recall the face of an older man who has lost his son in war but the son had never been in touch with him anyway. I recall the wrinkled faces of women who are persistently trying to hide their age and only exposing their anger and bitterness instead. I recall myself as I was observing these faces, thinking to myself ''Grace...how can one be graceful after having lived enough years to have seen cruelty; betrayal; gloominess; darkness and disappointment? In such a life, how can one NOT get bitter!?
That is when I decided that this would be my challenge. This would be my personal goal and vision: not to be bitter, and not to give up on the world and its people.
Since that day, I have been thinking of women who carry themselves lightly in this world. I think of these women and I think of how comforting and comfortable it must be to not weigh so much mental weight and baggage. These women may well have been subjected to cruelty and harshness, yet that glitter in their eyes has still managed to keep its glow, and their smiles have still not faded. I think of these women and the lightness and relief they carry around; that which is not tarnished by jealousy, envy, obsessiveness or greed. They are simply...graceful...with no bitterness. They glow with pride and with nothing to be ashamed of.
To fight bitterness is a vision that I will hold on to with or without being a Correspondent. It is my own personal challenge that I am convinced of. However, to quote from what I read on one of pulsewire's pages: "To flourish, female wisdom needs a room of its own, a firm sense of place, and an extended, supportive family." This firm sense of place with the extended supportive family makes the roots more intact. We draw inspiration from each other, and it helps to know we are not alone.
In this respect, World Pulse would become my extended, supportive family. This means of communication would connect the dots and here I would find that women from all parts of the world can breathe my words and take them with them. This is a place where I would draw inspiration as I have received it, from women in their graceful state who are only getting better; angry yes, crazy perhaps, but never bitter.