Shout No! Any which way!

January 19th of every year holds the most tedious of memories for me.This has gone on for 20 whole years. And, this year, as I lay the ghost to rest, I choose to share!

It was a normal day, that 19th January of 1996. The harmattan in Jos, Nigeria was as hazy and harsh as it comes and I was well kitted for it as I set out for school that morning. School for that day had gone well, lectures on point and though my classes ended early, I chose to hang out with friends instead of rushing home. Everyone was harmless, or so I thought...

We were all hanging out in Chris's room, drinking soft drinks, playing ludo and making noise. Chris was the only one amongst us who lived on Campus, the rest of us came from our respective homes at the time.It was time to go, and the first two left, a couple, then the next set were to leave and Chris was quick to see them off.

'Grace, I'll be right back' He says.

'Oh never mind, I need to see someone in the Girl's hostel' I replied

'Please nau, let me walk you. Pleaase!' He pleaded.

I never suspected anything when he came back into the room about a minute later, claiming he forgot something. I only realisedwhat was going on, when I tried to open the door and found it had been bolted, infact padlocked from outside.

Long story short, I lost my virginity that day, violently raped by someone who wasn't even my boyfriend! Why didn't I scream? You may ask. I never believed he would do it. I thought I could talk my way out of it, till well, it happened. By then my emphatic No and cries for help had been cleanly muffled.

Why do I share this? A lot of girls get raped everyday, not by strangers but by people they know. People they are too shocked to believe will do it to them! Yes, that is the stuff that acquaintance rapes are made of.

What I tell girls today? No matter how friendly that guy is, whoever he may be, don't ever allow yourself to be caught in a room alone with a guy you do not intend to date, or sleep with. Mine happened in a time when many a girl got raped, howbeit quietly, because we would ratherendure the suffering in silence than suffer the shame of being labelled a 'raped girl'. Who would have even come? Why did she go to a man's room? They'd say!

Thank goodness we are in the days of the Internet, when there's plenty means of communication and lots of video evidence to boot! Girls must not only be taught to shout their No, they should escalate it, send a message, call someone, send a discreet SOS via text message or whatsapp, anything, do all you can, don't be silent, forget the judgement just shout your No! When a rape is done, it's done! You live with the coulda, woulda, shouldas forever! I've suffered mine for twenty whole years. Bad part was I got pregnant from that one encounter, went through a horrible abortion that almost cost me my life and I see my lost child in every teenager - turning - twenty I meet.

So today, on the anniversary of my rape experience, I'm burying the ghosts by saying : shout that No! Shout it out loud, whichever way you can, don't allow that monster disguised as a friend take away your happiness! Shout your No! There'd be no regrets! Shout it till help comes, for help surely will if you shout it loud enough.