In 2007 I got my bachelor in arts, I had no work, and my brother married and moved wth his wife to the house we had until then shared. My father, a comercial pilot, was living in Shanghai with my mother. The suggested i'd move with there and study Mandarin until 'i'd figure things out'. I accepted.
My experience living in Shanghai 18 months was unique. It amazed me that when nothing was familiar, the boundaries of who i really was were more sharped and defined. When almost no one could understand me outside I understood myself mucho better.
I felt alert and aware of myself. I rode the subways a lot. My parents lived in Pudong, my uni was in Hongqiao . I read a lot, always carried a book, picked up and ended them and each time i read something that contributed, resonated or made sense with my vision. The topics were varied, Haruki Murakami, Bill Bryson, Daniel Pynchbeck and many others. I was free in China, to make my choice and i can truly said during that time i never found myself in a situation where i didn't wanted to be. I was my own.
However, there was one night when i felt i was close to harm. I had gone out with my taiwanese friend, the bar we had gone with some german friends was slightly underground, we drank and dance. enjoyed. There was i moment i was dancing, feeling the music move through me, eyes closed almost meditative state of mind, I've always enjoyed dancing and had a very ritualist orientation to it. This particular day while dancing an odd feeling invaded me, kinda in the opening of my stomach, just writing about it makes me rememorate it (eww). I opened my eyes and saw a tall dark man staring at me.
I immeadiatly felt drained, moved around, try to dance elsewere, were i could not see this mans eyes. Soon again the same, i again moved and once more saw the man move too close each time. Maybe i was being paranoid but something felt off... I went back with my friend to our group and tried to shake the feeling.
Soon I realized that being underground ment no signal and decided to go up to call my father, when walking towards the exit i again saw this man and with the corner of my eye got a glimpse of him starting to walk towards the exit...i waled a few steps pass a curtain into a pre exit stance and out of somewere very deep in me turned around arm straight out, opened hand, fingers streached and said stop! the man was inches away, my hand almost touching he's chest. He steped back and gave me the only thing I needed in that moment: time to get out.
What was this man's intentions, did he wanted to harm me or was i being irrational? 'm really glad i don't have the answer to that question.
Women are not responsible when violence is inflicted upon them, but they are resposible for tuning her intuitions and listening to them so when something feels is not right to pay attention to that voice that know way more that we can reason or logicly think off, it's the genetic memory of all womanhood.
tap into it.
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