One time during my stint in therapy recently, there was a box full of toys for the kids that went there could take. I had a therapist who specialized in play therapy with children, so it was a god-send to have her. I saw a purple teddy bear and took it without thinking. I thought it would be for my ex’s daughter, but before it got that far, I named the bear Bunny and gave it to my inner little girl. It was the first time I gave her a gift.
She wants a white dress. She’s always believed white was a bad color for her because she couldn’t keep it clean. Because she was a white cloth with a black stain on it that she could never get rid of. These days she wants a white dress because we’ve both agreed that we are pure and untainted.
Gifts for our inner child are so important. They make our progress tangible.
In therapy, I asked my therapist for a paper and crayons, and I drew how I felt about being a little girl and drew my “wall of wounding" or rather, all the things that kept me from seeing myself as a good person. To make it visual made it so real for me. My little girl felt heard.
My little girl wants to paint something. I already have a painting on my dresser that I made a few weeks ago. That same weekend that I made a painting, I was told that I have a beautiful singing voice. I love singing. I never thought I was a talented singer. I just sing because it makes me feel free.
I was requested to sing for the better part of the night, and given pen and paper to write a song. I did write a verse and chorus, and this freedom of expression, of being fully myself and integrating my little girl into my grown woman becoming a wise woman is opening up my voice and creativity. My ability to be. My capacity to feel joy, to try new things, to live my life outside these memories that are fading fast as my reality turns up roses.