Finding Peace with Eagle

It is so strange, this feeling of being happy for no reason except that I am alive and the world is a beautiful place. I think I have grown a bit and become more confident about myself since I used to be very scared when I felt this good about myself and life because something bad usually happened to take it away from me. And a few times I would do it first so others couldn't do it to me.

A few times I have really wanted something and then did something stupid like not meet the deadline required out of fear about someone else taking it away from me. It was a way to keep control over my life -at least it can feel that way when things are that bad in your life.

We still worry about a ton of stuff and struggle to make ends meet like I think most people in America are really experiencing for the first time, but somehow I am happy. I was so nervous the first few days I felt this way expecting something terrible to happen to make it go away. And there is sad news everywhere you look, like the earthquake in Italy, hard times for my sister-friends in Africa and on and on.

I have been embracing my spiritual roots, so to speak, and finding it really helps me heal all the old wounds that never seemed to heal fully before. I was out on my balcony yesterday and saw an Eagle soaring above my building. I called the girls out to see it, too. It is strange since I got the feeling it had been waiting around for me to come outside to see and feel it. Here is a poem from this page:
Spirit of the bald Eagle

On the currents of the Four Winds
you ride the sky
held aloft by unseen hands
that hold you close to the Grandfather

Far below lies the world of Man
a realm in which you also dwell,
yet always from within
comes the ache to rejoin the Great Spirit

Caught between two realms,
you remind all who witness your beauty and strength
of the eternal struggle of the two-legged
to rise above the mundane
and feel the Soul take flight

I had to smile when I was reading this since it is a bit how this happiness feels like my soul has taken flight and I feel happy for no reason. I was so curious how many others feel this from meeting and sharing with all the woman here?

I always wonder if this feeling is what "normal" woman feel since it is very different then what I was feeling. It is such a nice feeling to not feel such fear that it will be taken away from me! I wonder if it is wanting woman like me to feel this that makes them get into activism in the first place? I know I wanted to help other woman so they would never feel like I had back then but since I always feared the happy feeling being taken from me could not really describe it so well. It reminds me of a post I read a few days ago where the girl was talking about having asthma and her doctor saying part of the problem was she had no idea yet that she could feel so much better then this.

It is what I wish for all woman to find this feeling but could never describe it before since it was not "real" for me yet but just glimpses of it from time to time. Maybe tomorrow I will feel a bit like a fool but hopefully no longer like the worlds biggest fool! That one line where there is an 'ache' to rejoin the Great Spirit is what I feel as I try to learn more about my cultural heritage and my spiritual identity. It makes me laugh when one of my sisters was saying a few years ago to me (it has been a very long time since I talked with them) 'You're not going native on me, are you?' I feel it even more strongly today then back then about feeling it is the Truth of me...

Maria