Feelings of the Heart

Two days ago, my son traveled to Europe to attend university. At the age of 17, he is not a boy, but also not yet a man, but he felt it was time to be on his own. He dismissed my idea of taking a year off, and working while taking a class or two at the local university. I thought it would be better for him, but I selfishly admit that the one it was probably better for was me.

At the airport, I forced back the tears as I held him tight, not wanting to let go. Pride and sadness filled my heart as he walked through passport control, on his way to a country that I know nothing about. His father smiled and said, “It’s okay, he will return a man, a doctor.” I childishly told him that I don’t want that – I want my baby back.

I don’t like to cry in front of anyone, and I know that if I talk about the empty space in the house, I will cry. So I avoid it.

It’s 5:30am. Aside from my cat running around in his daily moment of craziness, the house is quiet.

The dark room hides my tears which flow uncontrollably, wetting my cheeks. Maybe I exaggerate, but I am a mother.

Writing is my therapy. What I can not say out loud, I put on paper. This early morning, as I write, I am already feeling the heaviness in my chest lessen.

I realize that this is not a heart wrenching story, nor one that will make an impact on or change the world. My intention is to share my feelings. Who can understand them better than women and mothers? And that is why I am here. World Pulse has given me the opportunity, not just to write, but to share what I write.

World Pulse came to me by accident. While searching the internet for writing opportunities, I read about the “Holding Hands” competition. I had a great story to tell, but the deadline passed without a word being written.

Weeks passed before I decided to take a closer look at the website. What I found amazed me!

Women have been given the POSSIBILITY to VOICE their thoughts without inhibition or fear. They COURAGEOUSLY write about important, serious, and sometimes dangerous, subjects in their search to TRANSFORM their societies.

I decided that I want to be part of it. I love telling other people’s stories. But I too have a story. VOF allows me to share my life, and to CONNECT with others through my words. In a world filled with difficulties, there is also so much BEAUTY that is not discussed in the media. I believe that must be touched on because from that we get hope. My stories of challenges, pain and beauty can INNOVATE understanding, love, caring………………… and change.

The simple story about my son allowed me to open my heart to you. I have more stories to tell.