From Invisible to Messed Up

It all started the day Margret decided to go out of her comfort zone and make the first move. She lived as the kind of introvert girl that rarely got out of her room. Her room remained full of dark colors, her closet stocked with sweatpants and boring shirts, her shelves crowded with books in all genres. She never texted guys except for homework. Her parents never allowed her to talk to guys. She only hung out with guys in her class, the same age and they had to be a group of girls and boys. With all that, she never felt how strict her parents were till the day she decided to text a guy.

It only took her a simple text that read ‘hey’ to start their friendship. They texted once before that day with like three months when he fought with her friend, but it was a very short conversation. She texted David the day she sat alone at home bored on a Friday night. After her three letter text, they chatted for a bit then he called her. They stayed on phone for three hours, which was something she never imagined herself doing.

Days passed and not one day passed without them speaking. Even though it appeared kind of weird to her to text a guy she never spoke to face to face, but it felt good to have someone to speak to other than her best friend. Then came the day when they spoke face to face for the first time. They had a school camp and in the second day, David asked her to wait for him by the swings. She was there on time, waiting. When the wind hit hard, she shivered, pulling her jacket closer around her. The cold gust brought with it the calming scent of the old Pine trees. She fished out her phone from her jeans pocket but it slipped from her sweaty palms. She cursed herself for not getting a bottle of water. Her mouth felt as dry as the desert itself.

There he was, coming from afar, smiling, his eyes on no one but her. She licked her dry lips, and fidgeted in her seat before standing up.

“Hey there”, he said as he sat on the swing next to her.

She mumbled, “Hey” with a simple wave.

His eyes were on her, but she looked the other way. So, he said: “So, do you like the camp so far?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” She replied at last

“So, what now? What do you wanna talk about?”

“I don’t know, anything”

“Well, you should chill a bit”

“What?”

He must have realized how shy she was, because the next things he said was: “Come on, since I sat here you haven’t looked me in the eyes. Is it the first time you see a guy or something? If you wanna have fun you should chill a bit”

“Okay”, she said with an uncertainty in her voice.

“Why didn’t you play football with the rest of the girls?”

“I don’t know, I was a bit tired”, she lied.

“You sure about that? It’s not because I was watching and you were embarrassed to play in front of me?” he said with a smile on his face.

She giggled.

They spoke for a while, the main topic of their conversation included the fight he had with her friend, Sasha. When they finished, they parted and walked opposite ways as if they were strangers that still didn’t meet. Luna, Sasha and Sandy waited by the canteen.

“Tell us what happened.” Luna squealed as Margret approached them.

“What did you talk about?”

Luna paid for her sandwich before turning to her and listening to every detail. After that camp, they spoke every day and she met him three more times. As days passed, her feelings towards him started to expand especially after he told her how special she was to him and how she was the closest girl to him. She fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. Her own happiness surprised her. Two months before that, she existed as the girl that never spoke to a guy and she only told stuff to her one and only precious horse. People said she was crazy, talking to a horse. For her, the horse was closer to her than her best friend. She never imagined that it could happen, till it really happened. Her mother found out. To her surprise, her mother didn’t get angry or anything.

“I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you would make me stop talking to him”, Margret told her mom.

“Who said so? It is your choice either to talk to him or not and I know that you would do the right choice” he mother replied with a calm tone.

“Yes I know what is right, but I can’t just stop talking to him”

“No one said you have to ‘just stop talking to him’. All you have to do is stop starting a conversation and if he says ‘hi’ just don’t answer.” Her mother paused for a second, “do you like him?” then Margret replied with a nod.

“Look, I just want you to understand that you’re just a teenager and you’re going through a phase that every teenager went through, including me. What differentiates teens is what they choose to do. What you’re doing right now is wrong. That guy doesn’t go to the same school you go to, he is older than you are, and David is a very annoying guy. So all you have to do is just don’t reply to his texts and don’t start a chat, okay?” Margret gave her an uncertain nod, and with that she left the room. Margret had no idea what to do, all she knew was that she couldn’t stop talking to him. At least not after she confessed to her best friend, Sandy, that she fell in love with him.

The next day, it only got worse. He mother started to spy on her, and whenever Margret held her phone she kept asking her what she was doing. She stayed this way for a bit till Margret told her to stop asking her if she was texting him or not because she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

A week later, her horse died. The shock of the news hit her like a thunderstorm. She couldn’t believe her one and only horse, died. Of course, that added to the pain of all what she was going through just to be able to talk to the guy she loves he most, but that wasn’t all.

Then, the bigger crisis took place. After knowing about her horse, David decided to take her on their first official date and watch a movie. The moment they took their seats to watch the movie, she realized who sat right beside them with her friends. It was her mother.

What happened next occurred to be a series of slamming doors and shouting parents. Although it didn’t surprise her how they took away her phone and grounded her, that didn’t change the fact that at this point she appeared suicidal.

As she was lying in bed, watching the white empty ceiling of her dull and colorless room, thoughts and memories of every bad thing that happened to her in the past weeks started to rush through her brain. Thoughts and memories of how her mother banned her from talking to him, how her mother didn’t understand her, how she keeps an eye on her 24/7, how she isn’t able to tell him how she really feels about him now that she isn’t allowed to even send him a simple three letter text that reads “hey”, how her horse that she always told everything died, and so on…. And with all these thoughts in her head, the only solution she found was taking the knife and stabbing herself in the heart, ending all that pain…