I don’t know how to start writing about this but I have had enough now and I am left with no other option except make it public.

It was the month of October 2015 and I was sitting in my office when I received a whatsapp message from an unknown number. I avoided it but he kept sending me messages with my name and said that he knows me. Then I replied that how did he knows me so much? He didn’t tell me and said that he wants to marry me. I was completely in shock with such kind of proposal from a completely unknown person. I rejected and said that I can’t be with you in any relation because I don’t trust unknown people. He kept insisting and kept trying to making me believe that he loves me. I kept my phone off because it was so irritating between office works. He emailed me on my official ID. When I did not give him any response He contacted with my colleague’s official number and asked her to tell me to take his call. But she refused him by saying that I am unavailable because she was aware of this harassment.

Days kept passing, he did not stop doing this harassment and kept trying to making me believe that he loves me and he wants to meet me once, if I don’t like him, he will stop doing this. I had nobody to share this in my family because I am an orphan and I am elder in my family. I do a job to support my family so I had a fear that if I tell someone, they will ask me to stop doing job and financial system of my house will get disturbed. He told me that he is a very high designated officer in a department of army and he can do any wrong to me and my family. He kept trying to convince me to meet him at least once and he promised me not to hurt me in anyway. So one day in November, we met in his car. I did not feel any good thing about him so I made my mind to not to see him ever again. He told me that he is married and separated from his wife. He had not divorced her yet and his parents are not happy with their separation and they are trying to make things normal again and if he don’t do what they say, they will leave him alone and he even said that he is ok with this. I felt worse about him because if he is not sincere with his first wife and his parents, how can he be with me?? I tried politely to make him agree that we have no future and I have no feelings for him. I can never have him in my life because my mind has a fear about how he does things forcefully. I can never be comfortable with him. He kept disturbing me. I said that with good manners but he did not agreed, then again I stopped replying him. Suddenly he stopped disturbing me and I thanked God for making my life normal again but then, he again contacted me on 1st July 2016.. He made calls and sent messages but I did not respond for two days but on 3rd July, he said that he will ruin my life if I will not reply him. Then I picked his call and I talked so rudely and said that do whatever you want to do. He started abusing me. Then I cried and again requested him to stop harassing me but he said that he will not leave me till the walls of grave. I gave phone to my mother, she talked politely to him but he even talked to her so badly and said that I will ruin your daughter’s life. She started shivering and gave phone back to me. He said he will come to my home after Eid (A religious event of Muslims) and will tell to all my relatives that I met him and we had physical relation. It’s just a lie, I had no comfort level with him for a second even to get physical with him in any way but he is harassing me by saying this. He mentally tortured my mother. We cried a lot because we have no male to talk to him and we are so weak to face him. He even said that he will not let me marry with any other man and my mother is searching grooms for me now days. In short, he pinched and tortured me with every possible way.

Then I again informed the entire situation to sister zeph and she advised me to inform FIA and also write this blog for a kind of proof because I had no record of his calls and messages and I kept deleting everything. I called to FIA office Lahore Pakistan. That officer told me that today the staff has gone for eid holidays so complete investigation can’t be possible and I have to submit a written complaint after eid for further procedure. Though he has taken his number from me but I don’t know what they will do? What he will do after eid but today on 4th July I am telling to whole world that If I have any problem regarding my life, that person is responsible for this. I had a record of making call to FIA Lahore office from my official number. FIA Lahore office number is available on internet. I can’t leak my complete information right now but if the time will come, I will do that but I can’t be scared anymore. I even sent an email to sar-e-aam team (A tv show of ARY news channel) to contact me and if they will contact me, I will tell them everything. I did not do any bad to him. I had not taken any money or had no physical relation with him so if he says that I did this, he is lying. I want to live a normal life and this is my basic right of being in this world and this world does not only belong to such psycho men, its mine more because I am adding peace in this. I am not disturbing anyone by doing such harassment acts. They deserve to live only in hell

I don’t know how to start writing about this but I have had enough now and I am left with no other option except make it public.

It was the month of October 2015 and I was sitting in my office when I received a whatsapp message from an unknown number. I avoided it but he kept sending me messages with my name and said that he knows me. Then I replied that how did he knows me so much? He didn’t tell me and said that he wants to marry me. I was completely in shock with such kind of proposal from a completely unknown person. I rejected and said that I can’t be with you in any relation because I don’t trust unknown people. He kept insisting and kept trying to making me believe that he loves me. I kept my phone off because it was so irritating between office works. He emailed me on my official ID. When I did not give him any response He contacted with my colleague’s official number and asked her to tell me to take his call. But she refused him by saying that I am unavailable because she was aware of this harassment.

Days kept passing, he did not stop doing this harassment and kept trying to making me believe that he loves me and he wants to meet me once, if I don’t like him, he will stop doing this. I had nobody to share this in my family because I am an orphan and I am elder in my family. I do a job to support my family so I had a fear that if I tell someone, they will ask me to stop doing job and financial system of my house will get disturbed. He told me that he is a very high designated officer in a department of army and he can do any wrong to me and my family. He kept trying to convince me to meet him at least once and he promised me not to hurt me in anyway. So one day in November, we met in his car. I did not feel any good thing about him so I made my mind to not to see him ever again. He told me that he is married and separated from his wife. He had not divorced her yet and his parents are not happy with their separation and they are trying to make things normal again and if he don’t do what they say, they will leave him alone and he even said that he is ok with this. I felt worse about him because if he is not sincere with his first wife and his parents, how can he be with me?? I tried politely to make him agree that we have no future and I have no feelings for him. I can never have him in my life because my mind has a fear about how he does things forcefully. I can never be comfortable with him. He kept disturbing me. I said that with good manners but he did not agreed, then again I stopped replying him. Suddenly he stopped disturbing me and I thanked God for making my life normal again but then, he again contacted me on 1st July 2016.. He made calls and sent messages but I did not respond for two days but on 3rd July, he said that he will ruin my life if I will not reply him. Then I picked his call and I talked so rudely and said that do whatever you want to do. He started abusing me. Then I cried and again requested him to stop harassing me but he said that he will not leave me till the walls of grave. I gave phone to my mother, she talked politely to him but he even talked to her so badly and said that I will ruin your daughter’s life. She started shivering and gave phone back to me. He said he will come to my home after Eid (A religious event of Muslims) and will tell to all my relatives that I met him and we had physical relation. It’s just a lie, I had no comfort level with him for a second even to get physical with him in any way but he is harassing me by saying this. He mentally tortured my mother. We cried a lot because we have no male to talk to him and we are so weak to face him. He even said that he will not let me marry with any other man and my mother is searching grooms for me now days. In short, he pinched and tortured me with every possible way.

Then I again informed the entire situation to sister zeph and she advised me to inform FIA and also write this blog for a kind of proof because I had no record of his calls and messages and I kept deleting everything. I called to FIA office Lahore Pakistan. That officer told me that today the staff has gone for eid holidays so complete investigation can’t be possible and I have to submit a written complaint after eid for further procedure. Though he has taken his number from me but I don’t know what they will do? What he will do after eid but today on 4th July I am telling to whole world that If I have any problem regarding my life, that person is responsible for this. I had a record of making call to FIA Lahore office from my official number. FIA Lahore office number is available on internet. I can’t leak my complete information right now but if the time will come, I will do that but I can’t be scared anymore. I even sent an email to sar-e-aam team (A tv show of ARY news channel) to contact me and if they will contact me, I will tell them everything. I did not do any bad to him. I had not taken any money or had no physical relation with him so if he says that I did this, he is lying. I want to live a normal life and this is my basic right of being in this world and this world does not only belong to such psycho men, its mine more because I am adding peace in this. I am not disturbing anyone by doing such harassment acts. They deserve to live only in hell

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Dear Sister Zeph,

Reading this account of the current life threatening situation being faced by a Zeph girl calls for some figuring out collective action to ensure her safety, and the safety of those of you there who are aware and involved.

To begin, a recap of what I understand from reading. This woman has been stalked and harassed for a year by an unknown man despite on every occasion attempting to not have calls continue. It is unknown how he even found her name and number. Every woman working or even being in any public place is vulnerable to this. She tried, after many months to put an end to this harassment only to have a deeper level of control be attempted, threatening her, her family, her very life. She acted on her trust, on his word that one conversation would resolve this, and in return he deepened his threat by using her meeting with him to lie blatantly about the intent and the facts, knowing full well that as a man he would be believed, and as a woman she would be judged completely unfairly for taking a simple step that should be the right of any woman to take: to have an adult conversation to end an unwanted contact, believing that her intention to have him live up to his word to end this harassment by stating her position in person, would be finally respected. He has, with his behaviour and threatening lies caused severe distress building his plan to control this woman. Involving her family with his threats serves as an attempt at further control. This is blatant criminal behaviour to the extreme. 

The advice to this woman to write this blog publicly to inform us all is a step that I hope brings some collective support and public pressure to end this dangerous nightmare. Can we create a petition for public action and protection? Is there an address for the police in Lahore that we can write to? This is one method used effectively by Amnesty International. We can write to inform the police that we are aware of this life threatening harassment. Can we encourage the TV Show to give this woman public voice? You have begun to create a web of safety for her here, Sister Zeph, a web which I hope we are capable of expanding. Can we surround this woman with the global support needed here to insist on her basic right to her dignity, her truth, her attempts at resolving this in a fashion that would have given this man an opportunity to end his unwanted attentions without involving the police? Instead he has turned this into an extremely dangerous situation, when the only act on her part was to attempt to resolve it peacefully in an adult fashion, as a woman exercising her basic right exist publicly and behave with grace and dignity in her own country.

Please repost this in the Gender-Based Violence group so that it can be spotlighted as one step toward making this story known, and let's brainstorm on what more we can do.

In sisterhood,

Tam