"To change your world all you have to do is manage your thoughts and feelings on the inside of you, and then your whole world changes." R. Byrne The Secret

Like all emotions, anger is a choice we make each and every time we get angry. How can that be? All emotions, including anger, begin with a THOUGHT (can even be unconscious sometimes).(Thoughts are "electrical" impulses. (This is "electrical" as in the universal electrical energy of which all things are created not electricity as we use it to light our houses.)

The electrical thought impulse enters our brain (the electrical/neurological translator) and travels down our body through the neurological system. Nerves are attached to EVERY CELL in the body except a few free-floating ones in the blood stream. The cells of our body, as is their job, convert the electrical impulses into chemical reactions. Both the electrical input and the chemical reaction stimulate the muscles to move, the internal organs to work, etc.

Here's the trouble. When the same or very similar negative thoughts are repeated over and over and over in time, the neurological pathways and the chemical reactions for those thoughts become like a smooth, slick runway - a habitual way of thinking and reacting over and over and over the same way to the same stimuli. "Every time he does this or that I just get so angry." "I have been treated unjustly all my life. now when someone treats me unjustly I still get so angry."

It is called a KNEE JERK RESPONSE when the neurological/chemical pathway is so slick that it SEEMS as if the anger reaction comes before the conscious thought. The body always follows the dictates of the mind and brain. It is physically impossible for it to be otherwise.

Anger in my body causes: Tightness in my muscles Shortness of my breath Tunnel Vision (I can only see straight ahead. No side or peripheral vision) I become "brain dead" - can't think clearly. I become a "RE-actor instead of an actor) My heart beats really fast Lack of hunger, thirst, etc Body functions stop (example: no digestion. Well, I find the bladder, on the other hand, tends to work over time.) My hands are sweaty My body shakes all over I get nervous and anxious And more...Oh, dear....

Long held anger physically assaults the body. It creates many diseases including cancer and heart problems just to name a couple.

"Then what can I do about it? Am I just a victim of all my past thinking?"


  1. Focus everyday on FEELING GOOD. Do you feel good? Good. Keep doing that.

  2. Get HAPPY. Happiness is the "normal" state that the mind and body loves. Anything negative is abhorrent to the body and will eventually break it down. Example: For many, many years my mother always worried about everything. She wouldn't listen to any warnings. Then one day, almost all at once, her body began breaking down piece by piece until now she is in an assisted living facility unable to see or walk well. Now she worries about that!

  3. Learning to ACT instead of REACTing involves:

    • Letting go of the past and focusing only on today. Today I start "changing my story." That is, I START TALKING THE WAY I WANT MY LIFE TO BE SO IT WILL BECOME THAT. I will develop new neurological pathways and new chemical reactions that serve my health and well being. One trick of "changing the story" that works for me, is if I have a problem with someone repeatedly instead of complaining about that person, I write in my journal every day for two weeks what I love and appreciate about that person. It's amazing how much better "we" are after that. Try it.

      • Thinking before I speak. IF THE WORDS I SAY ARE NOT LOVING OR KIND OR COMPASSIONATE, I WILL NOT SAY THEM. When I complain that "life is unfair" what I mean is that there is a mismatch between my hopes, wishes, expectations, goals, etc. and the response I am get from the outside world. Like attracts like. "I speak only the words that are a "match" to all I desire.

      • Looking at the person or situation objectively and saying to myself things like, "It doesn't matter" and "How important is it?" and "Will this really matter in five years?"

      • Release any investment in "being right." Thus, no arguments.

What other "tools" can you think of that could be helpful in changing the neurological/chemical pathways from anger to joy?


I believe that one of the best tools to be happy is through interacting with people, animals and even nature. I find myself happiest when I am sharing my ideas and thoughts with my mom or when I am walking my dog around the park. Last month there was a study that even showed the more you talk about deep issues that happy you ultimately will be.

Thanks so much for your tools because it is important to understand that anger is not only emotional but physical. -Carri

I love walking in the park with my dog. There is a river that runs by it and it so relaxing and beautiful. Thanks so much for posting this.


K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

THERE CAN NO BE A BETTER TIME TO LEARN THAN NOW. I so much appreciate this it is as if it speaks to my soul. I am learning.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale Founder/Project Coordinator Star of Hope Transformation Centre, 713 Road, A Close, Festac Town Lagos-Nigeria https:

Thank you my Sweetie. If more and more people choose to practice anger management, maybe there will be more smiles in the world. Whatcha think?

love you K-lee (ma)

K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

Or maybe in my case REact rather than act.

I have been Acting(pretending everything is fine)with a very dear and close friend of mine for so long that I eventually lost the joy of talking to her. So now I am actually looking forward to a discussion that is pending due to a miscommunication that's been swept under the rug for too long in the name of "being nice".'Sure, there's something to be said for civility, but wouldn't blunt honesty be far better in the long run and much more satisfying right now?

Afterwards I hope the word Act will restore its other meaning as described in your helpful post.

If I may offer a little suggestion...take it or leave it as you wish...when you talk with her please begin your sentences with "I" as in "I have been feeling bad for a long time because....." etc. not with "You" which immediately creates "blame" and hurt feelings. If you wish to share it, I would love to hear how your conversation turns out. Close friends are most always worth keeping don't you agree?

K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

It is so true about what you are saying here, and I know about the fact that anger can harm my health. But anyway, being very impulsive, I don't respect all "the rules" all the time, it needs some good training and experience, but it worths to do it. Best regards :)

Thank you so much for your input. Yes, I know all too well that it is all a process and not a quick cure type thing. Life seems to offer me lots of practice. :)

take care of you


K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

Thank you for this dear. It is so true and enlightning. I am always trying to cope with my anger too.

One thing that helps me is to go to the gym. There I get all my crankiness out and feel sooo good!

I am thankful that I have the opportunity to be back on track at the gym.



Jacqueline PatiƱo FundActiva Tarija - Bolivia South America www.jap21.wordpress.com

Yes, I agree. Exercise is always a good thing to reduce anger and the adrenalin. I went to gym for a lot of years when I lived in a city. There isn't one here in this tiny town so I exercise with a tape on the TV. Whatever it takes is my motto.

So glad you are feeling better after your long illness!

Hugs K-lee

K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

Dear Starland,

It was so good reading you again. Some good advice there. I need a lot of it :)))))) as I have been too angry for a while and I want it out of my system now.


With best wishes,

Nusrat Ara 


Hi Nusrat I am so very happy to hear from you! I missed you! Getting anger out of the system is a process. Awareness and commitment are the first steps. I'm on your side all the way. :)

love K-lee

K-lee Starland, Ph.D.

I do think that talking to oneself and giving time to oneself also cause happiness.Just be what you are, you will feel happy. You have really encouraged us and reminded us how hazardous anger can be. Thank you so much .

Peace Pooza

Yes, I agree. Self-talk can be most helpful as is calling a friend and talking and reasoning things out. Thank you for this wonderful reminder.


K-lee Starland, Ph.D.