A New Star In the Sky: A few reasons why women stay in domestic violence relationships

\"Mama?\" asked the young girl child.
\"Yes, dear.\"
\"I heard you crying last night. Are you OK? Your eye is black and big again.\"
\"I'm find, Sweetie. I guess I am just used to it by now. My father, your Grandfather, was mean to my mother, too. It's really all I know.\" (1.IT IS FAMILIAR AND COMFORTABLE IN A WEIRD, CRAZY AND DEPRESSING WAY. THIS PASSES FROM ONE GENERATION TO THE NEXT IF THE CYCLE ISN'T BROKEN

\"Mama?\"
\"What?\"
:Auntie says Daddy ABUSES you. Is that what it is?\"
\"Oh, I don't know. Daddy gets mad sometimes and just has to vent. I don't think it is really abuse. He just gets angry, that's all.\" (2.DENIAL. NOT RECOGNIZING IT AS ABUSE.)

\"Mama?\"
Sigh. \"What is it?\"
\"Do you want to stay with Daddy? He is so mean to you.\"
\"Of course, I do. I love him. No one understands him the way I do. Besides he is my husband. I can't leave.\" (3. A FALSE JUSTIFICATION OF A DEEP SENSE OF ENTRAPMENT AND HELPLESSNESS.)

\"Mama?\"
(Yes. You have so many questions for such a young girl. You know he didn't mean to hurt me. He said it won't happen again for sure this time. Underneath it all he is really a good man. Besides I can keep it from happening again. You'll see. It won't happen again. I must have deserved it. I can do better. I'll do better next time. It'll be all right. You'll see.\" (4. HOPE GETS HER THROUGH. HOPE FOR HIM CHANGING. HOPE FOR A BETTER LIFE. HOPE BEYOND HOPE.)

\"Mama?\"
\"Oh, Child, what is it? I am so tired.\"
\"What would happen if we did leave Daddy? You know, so he won't hurt you anymore. He scares me.\"
\"Well, first of all, you know he has never hit you. If he did I would take you out of here right away! The problem is that if we left we have no place to go. I'm afraid of being alone. I mean how would I support us? I don't think anyone would help us anymore after all the times we left and came back.\" To herself she adds: I don't think anyone else could ever love me. I am damaged goods by now. Besides, he said he would kill me if I ever left. He means it.\" (5 SAYS SHE WILL PROTECTHER DAUGHER IF HE HTS HER BUT THE CHILD IS ALREADY DAMAMGED BY WHAT SHE HEARS AND HAS SEEN. LOW SELF-ESTEEM KEEPS THE WIFE HELPLESS AND IN FEAR. UNWORTHY AND VULNERABLE.)

\"Mama?\" Why are there so many stars in the sky tonight'?
After a thoughful moment she replies, \"Your Grandma used to say that the men rule the Earth. She said that the women rule the skies from the stars. Each woman who has died becomes a star of love shining forever in the sky. That way she is never forgotten and never hurt again. She is always happy. I believe that.\"

It was twenty-four years ago when I had this converstaion with my mother. My Dad is in jail now for killing her two years later. I know that that same awful night years ago I saw between my tears a new star in the sky.