The Heart of the Matter

I will survive
I will be healthy and whole
I am love
I am infinite wisdom.

These were words bestowed upon me by my higher consciousness soon after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I adopted them as my personal mantra, repeating them over and over everyday. It was both a comfort and a command to my subconscious mind. This mantra was to mark the beginning of a healing journey that saved my life and my breast.

In December 2008, I found myself in an oncology office receiving bad news. “Laura, your outlook isn’t good. You have five tumors, the largest is 7.5 centimeters, it has spread to the axillary node and you have Inflammatory Breast Cancer, a rare form, effecting only 2% of women.” The doctor’s words hit me like a boxer in a one-way fight. He had gloves, all the moves and my hands were tied behind my back. I buried my face in my sister’s lap, weeping uncontrollably. The blows kept on coming, “You’ll need six months of immediate chemotherapy, a radical modified mastectomy and six months of radiation. You’ll lose your hair, we may remove your ovaries and the other breast and you’ll go into instant menopause.” Then the final blow, a direct shot to the abdomen, “You’ll be on managed care for what is left of your life.”

Frantic about what chemotherapy would do to my body, I knew I had to take action. I picked myself up, and the phone too. Everyday I networked with healers and followed their advice to the letter. I stopped wearing a bra to allow my lymph system complete freedom. I implemented a macrobiotic diet of no meat, dairy, sugar or processed foods. My daily routine revolved around self-love through experiencing nature, eating whole foods, performing daily lymph scrubs, brewing specialty teas, making nightly poultices, practicing daily meditations, taking supportive supplements, journaling feelings and working with therapists to release myself of old wounds and repair my life.

In the fourth month of chemotherapy treatments, I experienced a heart opening during my meditation. Pure, white light shot out of my heart towards the sky and returned back coursing through my veins and lighting up every cell in my body. My fear melted, I felt love and joy, and the tumor soon melted away. The doctor couldn’t explain what had happened. I could. Love happened. My mantra immediately changed, without thought.

I am a survivor
I am healthy and whole
I am love
I am infinite wisdom.