You don't know what pain is…
You don’t know what pain is until All you’ve got left is pain
You don't know what pain is until
You’ve been restlessly pacing the room Letting your troubled steps echo from the stairs
Forcing your mind to drag your numb body Pining away in the desolate corridors Trying a clumsy dance on a special labour ball And not really knowing what next
You don't know what pain is until You do a scan and there is no foetus
And then you remember: oh! the bleed But don’t understand why baby had to leap
You don't know what labour pain is until You've pushed out a beautiful bundle of joy, yet, lifeless And cradle its eternally-slumbering body in your arms
Still feeling like you’re simply just caught in a nightmare
You don't know what pain is until You've laboured for hours and had to push, Push out a piece of joy whose cry you’ll never hear
Who’ll never say, "I love you" or "I hate you mum".
A baby whose name you’ll never call and get a response Or whose footsteps the staircase will never know
You don't know what pain is until You've plodded down that aisle And in your arms is a dismal white casket Instead of a beautiful white bouquet
You don't know what pain is until Everyone thinks you're crazy with grief
Because they’ve never been there before And tag your baby “unborn” or “just a miscarriage”
You don't know what pain is until The cemetery knows your footsteps and wardrobe
Because you believe that's your second home
And you don't want to feel like you've abandoned your Angel.
Now You know what pain is ..... When all you've got is that pain.
@ Claris Angafor (2019)