#IStandWithHer... Second Chance

Akshaya9
Posted December 5, 2019

Every women dream to have a happily married life, a caring and loving husband and responsible. A husband who will not hurt the wife physically. 

When i was young i can see my parents arguing until my father try to shoot my mom with M16 rifle, then she (my mom) pulled the gun towards her and told my father to shot her. My father pull back the gun, he only want to make my mother scared but my mom is also a fighter . That's the time I told myself," if I have my own family I want to have a husband who will never beat me ".

When I meet my husband,  I thought the dream which i asked before is already come true. He know my failure relationship, he accept who am I. After a months of relation we decided to live in together .

In year 2010 I got pregnant and he got his new job. His time of coming back home is always late not like before he come back early. I never doubt but i feel there's something going on.  I trust him that he will not do any nasty things. Until year 2011 of February I already gave birth to our first son with complications in breathing,  he need to transfer to another hospital for treatment because the hospital where we went is not enough of facilities. After 4 days I already  discharged while my baby not yet. In 2weeks time my son discharged, I'm so happy to heard the news.

Fast forward... In past few months my husband always have a call even late at night,  when I asked, he will said ," it's about work". I asked who called, he will said, " the clerk in his office ". I never bothered because I trust him. 

June 2011 i got pregnant to our second son. A couple of months he (my husband) bring the woman (the clerk in his office), i welcome her to my house without hesitation or doubt. My husband told me, " so that you can have friend here", i just smiled when my husband said that word FRIEND. Sometimes she (the clerk) sleepover in my house. When my husband go for out station (far from city/ other places) for work I also gave birth to my second son in 2012 with yellowish skin and G6PD baby.

Few months time, my husband phone have message. As usual i read the message but I'm wondering, "why she (the clerk) never called my husband through his name ?". Why she called my husband "Da". Both (my husband and the clerk) are the same race, so they can lie to me what is the meaning of "Da". Before this incident happened I already dream that they have affairs but still i don't want to believe because it's just a Dream... A Dream that maybe God showed me what's really going on. 

When my husband go for work I go to my neighbors house, who's also the same race to my husband . I asked what is the meaning of "Da", when they told me it is the same meaning of calling to someone "babe,honey,etc". I feel my tears like going to drop, my body shaking because of anger. I don't know what to do that time, i go to my room and cried. He come back late, I confront him early morning about his relation to the clerk,  he said " she's our clerk in the office and doing some for the business  " but when I said " or other monkey business ". Straight he slapped me while holding my second baby and hold my neck, then I walked out go to the room. I cried without his presence, only across in my mind is to go back to my hometown  (Philippines). I feel alone that time and sometimes I attempt to suicide but when I look to my two son's I refuse to do. He asked forgiveness for hurting me,  I also forgive him. 

The next day I check his phone and I see the message from the witch  (the clerk), I'm heat up again. I confront him and he said it's just a short call of his name , then I said " why her name is also Daniel? so that you can call her DA". We end up fighting until to the extent I have bruises to my face and arm. Even I fight to him, still I never win , I'm thin and petit compared to him. Maybe 5 times his beating me, he keep asking forgiveness and I also forgive him. He admitted that he cheated on me and promise me not to do it again. I warned him if he cheat on me again theirs no more forgiveness i can give and if he beat me again that is the end of it.

So far until now he change, he become a good husband. People said, "one's a cheater always a cheater " but I don't believe on that because nobody's perfect in this world, all of us can commit mistakes and deserve to have a second chance. I give second chance to my husband because I still love him but not the same before he cheated me, still on process and bring back the full trust. I also forgive him because of my children, I don't want them to become a product of broken family, like me growing up without my father beside me .

By God's grace I hope it will continue that we live a happy family eternity...

This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

Comments 61

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maeann
Dec 05, 2019
Dec 05, 2019

Hi Akshaya9,

I feel you...
Be strong and continue to have faith.

Thank you for sharing.

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello maeann :-)

Thank you dear .

Your welcome :-)

MADELEINE BWENGE
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Chère Akshaya, Prenez surtout courage, et soyez très vigilente. Tout en aimant votre mari, prenez soin de vous-même et de vos enfants. Informez-vous surtout sur vos droits en vue de pouvoir vous défendre. Priez Dieu pour qu'il vous soutienne.

Madeleine Bwenge

Akshaya9
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hello Madeleine

I cannot translate your comment but thank you for the message dear :-).

Best regards!

ARREY- ECHI
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019

I will try to translate.

She says she can see that you love your husband very much but you should stay vigilant and strong. You should also take good care of yourself and kids. Do well to inform them about their rights and the need to defend it. May God continue to sustain you.

I think in sum, that is what she was trying to say.

Akshaya9
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019

Hi Arrey,
Thank you for the translation dear :-) , i appreciate it. Hope you doing fine.

Have a nice day dear.

ARREY- ECHI
Dec 31, 2019
Dec 31, 2019

My pleasure.

Corine Milano
Dec 05, 2019
Dec 05, 2019

Thank you for sharing this story, Akshaya. I am so sorry you witnessed violence in your home growing up and have experienced this betrayal and abuse from your husband. I too hope that you are currently safe and that your husband has realized the error of his way and will not hurt you again. You are strong, and we are here for you and we hear you.

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Corine :-)

Thank you dear, he keep on telling me that he regret of what he have done. I hope he really mean it

Lisbeth
Dec 05, 2019
Dec 05, 2019

Hi dear,
How are you doing? I am you are very fine? I am not doing bad here, just that we can't complain ha.

Woo that was kinda over the bar GBV experience you got there. Sorry you have to see these stuff. However, the truth be told, they are very real.
Thanks for sharing your story and standing with her. #istandwithhertoo

Regards

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Lisbeth :-)

I'm fine and hope everything will be ok.
Thank you dear

Hugs

Fatima Abdulrazak
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

We hope you will continue to have the faith and strength to remain a resilient woman

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Fatima :-)

Thank you dear

Zohra Elias
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your brave story with us,
Please keep us updated about you, and remember we are all here to support you.

We hear you !

In sisterhood,

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Zohra :-)

Thank you for your support dear

Hugs

Tarke Edith
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hi dear
Stand firm sis and be strong
Thank you very much for sharing

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello dear Edith :-)

Thank you, hugs.

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello, my beloved friend,

You've faced so much trials in life. No wonder why there is this longing in me to hug you even before. That was already domestic violence, dear. And it breaks my heart that you experience physical hurt and bruises. Di jud na pwede sa akoa ba. Maawayan jud nako ang mangaway sa imoha. Isog baya kaayo ka diba? Hugs, Jack. Nakahilak ko sa imong story.

If that happens again for another time, please consider packing up your bags, take all your children, go the Embassy, and come back to the Philippines. I stand with you. Thanks for being brave to open this up to us.

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Kaye :-)

Even while I'm writing this story i can't hold on my tears to drops, every time i remembered the past my tears keep on dropping. If we have arguments i feel i already have trauma because I prepare myself just in case his going to beat me. I tried to fight back Kaye but my body is small compared to him. Have one time i take the knife because I know I can't win to him, he run faster and telling enough. I'm totally dare to hit him with the knife, i already never think what will happen next. But now he already change Kaye after I gave him the warning if he do it again.

I'm scared to open this in Facebook because instead they will lift you up from down, they will spread and make laugh at you.

Thank you Kaye :-), hugs.

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hello, Jack,

I think it's good that you are able to release your pains through writing. It is a way to process healing. I hope he'll not do that to you again. Please continue writing here. We love you!

Yes, this is the best place to share your stories. No one will judge you here. :)

You're always welcome. Keep writing! Hugs!

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Kaye :-)

I'm hoping he will continue to be a good man. Yes I will kaye to relieve the pain.

Your right! No one will condemned me here.

Thank you again Kaye :-)

Hugss!

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

You're welcome, Jack. :) I'm proud of you.

Felicitas Wung
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Thank God he admitted his fault and he is ready to Change though not easy. We hope for the best in your marital home.

Akshaya9
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hello Felicitas :-)

I hope too dear, thank you

Felicitas Wung
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

You are welcome.
Be strong my dear.

blanch1981
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hi AKSHAYA9! Thank you for sharing this story. I hear your voice of hope on second chances. And I truly understand what it takes to give another chance. Please take care of yourself always and I hope through World Pulse, you will find refuge in searching what is best for you and your children. Warm hugs for you!

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Blanch

Thank you dear for the sweet message and it's my pleasure to share :-) .

Hugs!

Madhuri Deshkar
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

प्रये मैने आपकी काहानि पढी "आप अपनी जिदगिओरो के लिये जी रहै हो " आपको सलाम बहन

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Madhuri

Thank you dear :-)

Hugs!

LuxG
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hi Akshaya,
I was moved by your story but I do not understand why you chose to forgive him when he obviously meant to cause you harm. A person who attacks and deliberately hurts someone lacking the physical build to defend themselves, is a monster. How you have the strength and compassion to forgive him and actually give him another chance, is beyond me, you're far kinder than I would've been in such a situation. But, for your own safety, buy some weapons, have the means to defend yourself if he ever victimizes you again.
Stay safe sister xx

Much love,
Lux.

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Lux

I forgive him because i still love him and I'm not a perfect women, the God can forgive us even we have a lot of sin what for I'm just a human being :-) .
Thank you dear for the advice.

Hugs!

Tamarack Verrall
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Dear Akhaya9,
My heart has been with you every step though your story, as it is with every one of us who has been treated terribly. That you have had the courage to write here, your words so strongly speaking out the truth of what happened, this is a reminder to us all of our strength and value as women, and hopefully reach any woman wondering what she did, or why she did not know.
My heart is with you, sister and I am so glad to know that you are here with us all in World Pulse. I hope you feel us all with you and that you will stay close in touch.
with love in sisterhood,
Tam

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Tamarack :-)

At first I don't want to write this but I want to release the pain that I'm keeping for so long. I try to share to mom but I'm worried because she's already old, i also share to one of my relatives but i just found out she spread rumors about my past so i already have doubt that maybe about the incidence between my husband she also spread. That's why even in my Facebook i never share anything.
I'm glad i found the sisterhood here without judging and accept me . Thank you dear :-)

Hugs!

MADELEINE BWENGE
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Merci beaucoup chère Akshaya pour ce partage d'information de votre expérience sur la vie conjugale. En réalité, la vie de couple n'est jamais facile comme on a l'habitude de le penser en période des fiançaille. Toutefois, nous devons savoir que la cohabitation reste confrontée à des chocs surtout que chacun a son comportement. Nous devons continuer à nous pardonner mutuellement en ayant un oeil vigilent car les violences physiques et le traumatisme sont des choses qui peuvent mettre fin à notre existence si nous ne faisons pas attention.

Akshaya9
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hello Madeleine

I appreciate your message and its really mean for me but so sorry i cannot translate this because I'm only using handphone.

God bless you!

Spiritedsoul
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hi,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry what do you experience growing up, and then your husband abuse and betrayal. You are very strong and courageous.
Much love and hugs,
Jess.

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Spirited

Thank you dear for the sweet message.
Hugs!

Paulina Nayra
Dec 08, 2019
Dec 08, 2019

Dear Akshaya,
I felt crying when I read your story. It must be a hard life being in a foreign country with a husband of different race who is doing nasty things. You are a strong woman for having survived that experience with forgiveness . Only the strong can forgive.
When we experience violence from intimate partners, it is important that we know the cycle of violence and how to stop it. From a violent outburst, it is followed by remorse phase where the perpetrator will feel guilty and regret what he has done. When the wife is not yet convinced, the husband will pursuit her till she forgives him which results to the "honeymoon phase". Things will be back to normal, there'll be peace at home until the reason for getting angry will build-up again and so the cycle continues. Whatever happens, please protect yourself and your children. Since, you are far, do you have a support system in Malaysia? Do you know where to go? Do you have your own money? Always keep some for yourself. And for me, there's no such thing as a broken family. Only broken relationships. Again take care of yourself dear.
Huggs kabayan.

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Paulina

Yes it is. It's difficult in other country, especially I don't have any relatives with me. Maybe I'm become strong and survived this kind of trials because of my childhood experience.
I don't have any support from this country ( my documents not yet done) and i can't expect in our embassy. A lot of our kababayan here run away from there employers and our embassy never do any action. So many complain about the embassy here because if you need help they the one suppose to help you, they make Filipino's life here difficult. That's why a lot here become illegal.
Thank you dear :-)

Hugs!

Kike
Dec 08, 2019
Dec 08, 2019

Akshaya,
Your resilience is really inspiring. I hope that things keep getting better from here onward.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Love and light, Kike.

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Kike

I hope so and he will continue to be a good husband :-).
It's my pleasure.

Hugs!

Queen Sheba D Cisse
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Dear AKSHAYA9,
let's hope and pray he means it and if not may you be strong enough to seek help and get out and stay out for you and the children care and welfare. Stay blessed and protected safe, always.

Queen

Akshaya9
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

Hello Queen :-)

Thank you for your message, it's really mean for me :-).

Hugs!

Queen Sheba D Cisse
Dec 09, 2019
Dec 09, 2019

You are most welcomed, peace and love my dear.
Queen

Sinyuy Geraldine
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

Hello Akshaya, thank you for the courage you have mustered in order to tell this sad personal story. Yes it hurts when one is cheated on. Thank you for your forgiving spirit. I stand with you. I pray you get back your full trust.

Akshaya9
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

Hello Sinyuy

Thank you dear :-)

Hugs!

Anum Shakeel
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

So sorry to hear about the painful time. I pray to God things become favorable for you dear. God Bless You!

Akshaya9
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hello Anum

Thank you dear :-)

God bless you too!

Juliet Acom
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hi Akshaya,

You are a strong woman and full of resilience. They say that the first step to healing is forgiveness (for your husband and your father and most of all yourself). It is good that you are willing to rebuild your relationship and make a stable home for your children.
May God enable your husband to change for the better for the rest of your lives.

I wish you all the best

Akshaya9
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hello Juliet

I'm also hoping that he will continuously change and thank you dear :-)

Best regards!

Leonora Le Saldo
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019

My sister,
I read your writing and would like to commend you for finding your strength in writing. Abuse does leave trauma even if it occurs only once. No one deserves to experience a breach of trust and physical abuse added to that. May you continue to write, may you continue to heal and may you stand strong with the knowledge that no one deserves to be abused.

Akshaya9
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Hello Leonora

Yes your right i already have trauma even we have only arguments, i always pay attention to his hands whether he will start to beat.
Thank you for giving me advice and encouraging me to write.

Best Regards

Lily Habesha
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Dear sister,
Thank you for sharing.
Keep forgiving, keep trusting, things will change.
Lily

Akshaya9
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hi Lily,
Your welcome dear.

God bless you!

Lily Habesha
Dec 17, 2019
Dec 17, 2019

Thank you Akshaya9,
You're a wise and strong woman.
Keep going, God is with you.

Lily

Ekitah
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hello Akshaya9!
I love you, l love your courage and maturity in handling your marital affairs. Giving priority to your children makes you a fast thinker and an emotional controller. Your children are all you have and bringing them up is what makes you a real mother. Courage ! Thanks for sharing your story.

Akshaya9
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hi Ekitah,
I love you more! Thank you for your kind message.
It's my pleasure to share my experience :-) .

Take care!

IjeomaSO
Dec 20, 2019
Dec 20, 2019

Wow, what could I say?
Keep strong and keep positive.
Raise your alert level to 100%. I believe humans can change and I hope he appreciates the length you went to forgive him.
Thank you for your courage to speak up dear Akshaya9.

Akshaya9
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019

Hi ljeomaso,
Thank you for your kind words and advice dear, i appreciate it.

Best Regards.

Selma Ndi
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019

A lot of men cheat, and somehow women have made it to look like a normal thing. My friend says she cannot leave a man if his only problem is cheating . This should not be the case
My dear, do take care of yourself, and please don’t tolerate his cheating and violence just because of your kids. If he kills you or transmits to you a deadly STI, he will move on with or without you.
Be careful sister, I am glad you know God. May he give u wisdom to make the right choice

Akshaya9
Dec 30, 2019
Dec 30, 2019

Hi Selma,
Thank you for the advice and concern about me, i appreciate it. Don't worry, I'm more vigilant already :-). Hope you doing fine.

Best Regards.