She Could Only Be Heard 500 Miles Away!

She Could Only Be Heard 500 Miles Away!
The web of resistance is so entangled that many a time a girl-child in particular does not have the space to be heard. Hatou’s mother who has been a victim of the same social system could not free her. It was information and education that was the key to her freedom. Freedom from the grips of cultural norms, deep in her heart she could not accommodate a marriage she has not consented to. The social network could only be broken from outside, it was only with the intervention of “other stakeholders”. The American Embassy contacted GAMCOTRAP, a leading women’s rights organization in the Gambia, to intervene to reconcile Hatou and her family in her best interest. A GAMCOTRAP team left for the village and upon arrival, it was ‘the morning after the wedding night.’
Hatou simply wanted to be heard by her mother and the others deciding her faith. She wanted them to listen to her. She spoke to them but they could not hear her on the phone. The family did not listen when she sat by them to express how she felt. Her voice only became loud enough when she was 500 miles away from them.
Hatou is the first girl of the five children. Mama was married when she was 15 years old in a remote village in the Gambia. She was fortunate to travel with Lajie to America, where they lived for almost two decades.
Hatou’s family hailed from a village more five hundred miles from the capital, where electricity is a privilege, girls’ education is abnormal and listening to children’s voices is against the norm. She was about 5 years old, the first time she was taken to her village of Wuli. At 16 years, Hatou could still recall being subjected to female genital mutilation during that visit. After that ordeal, her parents took her back to Manhatan. Growing up she picked up few tips about her identity. She knew she was different, though her parents are immigrants she was an American by birth. She has also learnt that America protects its citizen wherever they are in the world.
At the age of 13, Hatou was brought to the Gambia for another holiday, but was disappointed when she realized that she was not going back to America. She was enrolled in a new school in Kombo, with the promise that she would later go back to America. That promise failed because her marriage has already been arranged and it was a matter of time for it to be formalized and she would become a married woman.
In a culture where the elders in the family have the last say, no matter how long one stays in a foreign land once you get back and want to identify with the community norm, you will have to bow to their ways. This is what happened to Hatou’s parents. They did not want to be accused of being “Westernized” so they reluctantly followed the tradition to force Hatou marry her cousin at 16 years.
Hatou was determined to be educated, and she did well in school. At fifteen she went on holidays and together with her brother they all travelled to the village to celebrate the Muslim feast of Eid el Adha. Her father joined them and made sure she was happy and enjoyed herself. Little did Hatou know that she would not go back to school and would spend a year in the village to prepare before she was married. The children in the extended family knew her husband has been chosen for her and they teased her. This was another social ploy to psychologically force her to accept that she does not have an option.
When her mother called from America, Hatou recalled “I told her that I don’t love my cousin, I don’t want to marry at my age. I wanted to go back to school, but she insisted that I marry him if not my dad would divorce her and returned her to the village”.
Meanwhile Hatou kept her plan to herself. She did not trust anyone to share it with. She played with the other girls in the village, went out to the bush while she mapped out her route to escape. Hatou casually enquired how much it costs to reach to the other side of the river to the big town where she could get transport to the city. She made sure that she did not waste the pocket money she received from her father. It would be handy to facilitate her escape.
Mama had returned to the village to prepare for the wedding. The date has been set and relatives from nearby villages have been informed. The final preparations are on.
A week before the wedding, in the middle of the night Hatou woke up when everyone else was asleep. She had good excuse to leave the house late at night because the toilet was outside and when caught trying to escape that could be her excused why she was out at that time of the night. It was just one of her lucky days, the moon light was also out to guide her. In the early hours of the morning she arrived at the crossing point. She joined one of the small boats to ferry her across to the next big town where she joined the local transport for another 6 hours journey to freedom. The desire to run away from an unwanted marriage is so powerful that Hatou did not feel hungry for food. The hope of reaching safely to freedom fed her. At last she arrived at the capital and found her way to the American Embassy office. She identified herself and settled down to narrate her story.
Meanwhile, there was chaos in the village, nobody knew Hatou whereabouts and a search team was dispatched to the neighbouring communities searching for her. Mama was shocked at the news and the only place that came to mind was at Hatou’s guardian when she attended school in the city. Unfortunately they did not see or hear about Hatou. Mama had so many things to worry about, ‘cancelling the wedding, Hatou’s safety, her husband’s reaction and what the analysis will be upon hearing news of her daughter’s disappearance just few days before her wedding. Her daughter would be the first runaway bride in the village’. There is a saying that if a child is good, she belongs to all, but if she is not as society expects her she belongs only to the mother.
The family could not put up with the shame it would bring to them for generations to narrate that the bride ran away, so a wedding had to take place. Hatou was substituted with another Hatou, the same name, and age group, another of her many cousins. When the guests arrived they were surprised that it was a different Hatou, Mama’s daughter and they assumed that they must have got the wrong message. The second Hatou was the bride not the one they had in mind. The original Hatou ran for freedom and she got it at last. She knew she has ‘rights’ but it was not going to be easy if she had to demand her them. She also knew that freedom does not come easily, she had to take risks to get hers.