I cry, I crawl, I walk, I run, I grow tall. I fight, I suffocate, I win, I lose, I laugh, I sob, I hide it all

I have been stumbling and struggling, falling and rolling, feeling forlorn and self-scolding, standing up again and again. This has been a constant cycle usually ending up in a rant. My secrets, agonies & heartaches started bursting in the seams.

In this process, I started writing a personal blog in 2007. Being an introvert, I created the blog using a pseudonym. This journey of writing has been bittersweet; because I get to play with words and I started to feel comfortable enough to express my innermost thoughts. It also brought out a more sensual person in me! I had lived life so matter of fact, so detached to really enjoy life; this became another struggle. There was this person in virtual world who felt liberated while the physical counterpart was in chains.

It took me four years before I had the guts to actually touch the demons hidden in the deepest corner of my mind. I spilled out my unshed tears on to the blog, and totally lost it after writing about the abuse, only scratching the surface!

Through these years I always wondered about the occupants of psychiatric hospitals. What have those women gone through? What more pain, what darker disgusting secrets do they hold? Surely it must have been worse. Otherwise I would have ended up there, I believed! I tell myself “just be thankful for what you have”.

Now! That’s where my soul does not rest. Why should I not desire happiness? The physical me have a smile on my face, walks and talks with a confidence that many envy, others applaud. Alas! The inner soul weeps, always weeps!

Now in my late thirties, I have started finding it harder to go on, to smile, to accept fate. I want reconciliation. To cut the story short – a lovely soul, a blogger friend from borders afar, suggested I visit World Pulse. She suggested I come here and make a difference.

Throughout my journey of life, up to half way through adulthood, I had carried my thoughts and agonies within me, trying to be strong. The reality! I have been breaking into pieces. Reading other World Pulse stories, I once again realized I am luckier than many others. But what changed is the fact that I don’t want to just keep my story within me, I want now to reach the WORLD through a pulse that is alive.

With this thought, I registered myself for VOF.

But I changed my mind!

No! Not about joining. But about whom I want to be on this forum. At first I registered using my blogging pseudonym, but reconsidered. I want MY voice to be heard.

I want this to be a transition from a virtual to physical.

I want my voice to make an impact, I want my voice to be a healing help to other victims of abuse.
This is what VOF means to me. A community to give me strength, a community to inspire and awe me!

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P.S. Image taken from http://www.girlsgonestrong.com/put-your-back-into-it/ggs-strength-coureg...