Help for this week's assignment

Aminah
Posted April 26, 2013 from Maldives

The past week has been very hectic. Was coordinating an intensive training program on the use of two open source software. The spare time spent on chores and also on reading work related documents has kept me very busy. Therefore, haven't had much time to read through wonderful posts by others. I will definitely love to read every single piece of work - there are so many lessons to learn in them. For now, I am trying to at least reply to comments on my posts and also make courtesy visits to commentators' posts - in other words doing very selective reading.

The assignment for this week looks easy enough on the outset. But because of what I am going through in my life, what led me to World Pulse, this has become a very emotional one. I had finally accepted in my heart that I need to get away from my relationship... have been seriously debating about it in my mind for the last year on and off. Finally did decide to move out last February and talked to THE one person I trusted could help me stabilize the breakup as much as possible. I do not wish to disrupt my children's life unduly. But sadly, the ally turned out to be not an ally. I ended up being made the selfish person who was not thinking about the kids ... I was made to believe to be the cruel person who was breaking up a family. I was made to believe, I could change his behavior by changing mine. Now I have truly understood nobody else can understand the abuse I have put up with because outwardly things have been so good - I guess I have been clever enough to show the world that I have a balanced life.

The cycle of doubt returned, nobody will understand me.

That's beside the point. I am not sure if I have addressed the assignment adequately. My emotions came into my writing and that's what I have written. Your feedback on the appropriateness of my rantings to this week's assignment will be very much appreciated. Here is the link to my assignment "Being a woman should not hurt"

I will refine and edit it before the deadline, based on your feedback. Thanks in advance

Comments 20

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Joyce Kafu
Apr 26, 2013
Apr 26, 2013

Follow your heart girl

Aminah
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

That's what i have been trying to do... but i guess my heart becomes too soft ... ends up feeling sorry for him rather than me.. and end up forgiving :)

thanks for the support.

radiocami
Apr 26, 2013
Apr 26, 2013

When a woman lives with abuse and remains with it, she becomes a shell of herself. When you have no scars on the outside the world cannot know what you go through even when you're bleeding on the inside. "Let me Listen to me, Not Them" - Gertrude Stein. Transitions are very painful, but when you have the courage to stand up for yourself and what you believe in your heart to be true and just, and you go through the turmoil, you will come out the other side a transformed woman. You will blossom with the knowledge that you are stronger than you thought, your self worth will soar and the universe will support you if you set your heart to it. Focus on taking care of yourself, for you cannot care for others if you're not well. There is much love for you here.

Aminah
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

I believe I am in transition having finally acknowledged there is no happiness ahead. I just hope I am making the right decision, taking the right step.

Your comment is very inspiring and encouraging. Thank you radiocami.

chargerrose7
Apr 26, 2013
Apr 26, 2013

I give you credit for being bold. I went through this a few years ago. When we make bold decisions allies are usually the first to bale so I've found. And we are always the selfish ones. But let me say this...... You will get through this and we are here for each other! If you need to vent, I'm here. I've been where you are and we need to have some support.

Aminah
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

Dear MissyRose,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I guess the best we could do is learn from other people's experience. And when people who have endured abuse and who have walked free says it is possible, I believe it is possible. No two cases are the same, yet what we have in common is the fact about abuse and the fact about we wanting respect.

Maya Norton
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

Proud of you, Aminah. Is that why you changed your profile picture?

~ Maya

Aminah
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

I needed some privacy as i am talking toooo much in here.

Thanks for stopping by

Maya Norton
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

So true.

Shalom (meaning the same),

~ Maya

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013

Dear Amina, Thank you for posting what you have been going through. For sure you are a strong woman. Always follow your heart and be strong. We are always here for you my dear sister. Always remember tough times never last but tough people always do. Stay well my dear.

Aminah
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013

That's very encouraging. I would like to believe i am a tough person (even if weak at points). I will overcome the little weakness with the support of everyone in here.

Thanks for your kinds words.

Adahmbah
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013

Be strong and learn to live your life because you may be living some other person's life. courage sister. Adah

Aminah
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013

Right now, I am surviving. with what little contentment I have I am just barely surviving. Yes, I want to learn to live. Even for a day of my life, I want to truly live and believe.

Adahmbah
Apr 29, 2013
Apr 29, 2013

It shall be history some day and juat believe you can.God is in controle. Adah

Nadz
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013

Aminah I discovered this poem two years ago, when my work environment had almost broken my confidence and taken away my value and self worth. I discovered then that in this life you have to know how to love yourself before you can love those around you, I am a Christian and in the Bible Jesus commanded that "we love our neighbour as we love ourselves" there is no benefit to be had in loving someone more than you. So love yourself enough to walk away from that which does not serve you.

I hope these two poems provide you wiyth strength and solace the way they did for me.

No more 'smalling up' of me. No more meekly saying 'yes' When my heart is screaming 'no' No more taming of my feelings So my power won’t show No more hiding my exuberance From disapproving eyes No more watering down myself So my spirit won't rise

No more 'smalling up' of me Pretending I am not here No more running from the music And the spotlight's glare No more living in this prison Barricaded by my fears No more turning and retreating In the face of new frontiers

Even as I am speaking I am taking shape and form Harnessing my powers Like a gathering storm There's no obstacle so bold As to dare stand in my way I am taking back my life And I am doing it today.

Jean Wilson

http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/
Aminah
Apr 28, 2013
Apr 28, 2013

wow.

Thank you for that wonderful share.

I feel rejuvenated. I want to love myself. I want to be me, finally me

and I quote again to reinstate and also because I cannot say it any better in my own words:

"No more living in this prison Barricaded by my fears"

"Even as I am speaking I am taking shape and form Harnessing my powers Like a gathering storm There's no obstacle so bold As to dare stand in my way I am taking back my life And I am doing it today."

Thank you again Nadz. Sharing my inner demons is proving to be leading to where I wish to be. To be free. TO BE ME

CynthiaM
Apr 29, 2013
Apr 29, 2013

Dear Aminah, you are not alone and I can't say more than other sisters have said to you. Remember, you are powerful beyond measure, your joy and freedom comes from within. Your strength is renewed and your hurt heals faster when you share your experience, but do it at your pace...one step at a time. Have faith.

Cynthia.

Aminah
Apr 29, 2013
Apr 29, 2013

Dear Cynthia

Thanks for adding your voice to the reassurance and encouragement. I feel so blessed to be here right now.

Lately I was feeling very down and have been even thinking about going to a counselor. But there aren't too many people over here who could do that. And being a small community, everybody knows everybody hence I have not felt comfortable doing it.

World pulse is doing that for me now. Thank you all

otahelp
May 01, 2013
May 01, 2013

Allies some times are not allies, they only seem to be if you are conforming to what they believe, as soon as you want to be you and i mean real you without being bent to any ones will, you are selfish and an enemy. Girl, you have grown up. Face it, confront it and challenge it. that you have done. you alone wear the shoe and you alone knows where it pinches.

Peace be unto you sister for the step you took to salvage your life. Keep the light shining.

Aminah
May 02, 2013
May 02, 2013

All these years, I was told that I was a valued member of the family and also understood that I had to put patience first before everything else - knowing my partner and his quirks. So yes, I had every hope that my need, my sanity, would be understood and will be helped in a smooth transition. It was not easy to take that step in the first place. To voice out my pain - it was hard. And what did I get it return? More pain because obviously I was not understood.

So yes, now I am taking this road on my own and I will make this work. Somehow, someday, I will find a way. I have that much confidence.

thanks for the love and care