Broken female

Amonge
Posted October 22, 2019 from Kenya

Will some one cut my chest, just to check my heartbeat and my lungs. 

Am I really normally, 

Am I the only person who smiles during the rainy cold days? 

Am so afraid, it is the last thing that has ever crossed my mind. How will you know if you can't look into my eyes and read. 

Am dieng inside, my brain shutting and soon my whole body will be a statue.

Ohhh my smile,cant you just see am faking it?, am covering up like yes I take the blame, it's always my fault, but you know it's  not a me, so I will smile for Rocky not to know am gone far away in my brain. 

Haven't I done everything? I have tried. 

Holding on to a floater ain't easy when the tides are high.

Am not strong as my face says. At times I cry, at times I hate ,I desire and I can love too. 

But only if you can look into my eyes, pull out an unkerchief and let me cry. UNTILL then, then you can't understand the battles am fighting just to fit in

With love from Amonge from Kenya 

Comments 17

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maeann
Oct 22
Oct 22

Hi Amonge,

Hugs with love...

Amonge
Oct 22
Oct 22

Hello Maeann,
Thank you so much, I just need love from you guys and hugs, I just wanna cryyyyyyy.

maeann
Oct 22
Oct 22

It's okay to cry... cry then finish strong!!'

Amonge
Oct 23
Oct 23

Thanks

Tarke Edith
Oct 22
Oct 22

Hi Amonge
Thanks fir sharing your pain with us.
Be bless sister .

Amonge
Oct 22
Oct 22

Hello sister Edith,
Thank you for understanding this broken and confused woman, am afraid but I have to let go.
Amonge, from Kenya

Anita Shrestha
Oct 22
Oct 22

Dear Amonge
Nice and amazing

Jill Langhus
Oct 23
Oct 23

Hi Brendah,

How are you doing, dear? Aw, dear. This is sad. What is ailing you, sweetie? How can we help? You can private message me if you need additional support and encouragement, dear. We're here for you!

XX

Amonge
Oct 23
Oct 23

Am drowning, I have inboxed you, am glad you care.thank you.

Jill Langhus
Oct 23
Oct 23

Oh, dear:-( I will message you back.

Hang in there!! XX

Hello, Amonge,

I could truly relate to what you've written. I'm so good at hiding my depression that when I open up about it, friends think I', joiking. I wonder what's bothering you.

Please know that it is ok to feel the sadness, and to dig deeper by answering a series of whys: Why do I feel this way? Then Why does it matter? And then more whys. It involves a confrantation of personal pain, but the only way through healing is not around it, but through it.

It's ok to weep your heart out until you feel relieved. It's also ok to take a break to functions that drains your energy. This is the best time to set boundaries, too.

Hugs, dear.

Amonge
Oct 23
Oct 23

Hello Karen,
Many people tend to look your outer side, they don't understand the inner pains and sorrows, they tend to believe that am strong to overcome my challenges.
Am going through a tough time, but I know it will end, am just tired I need to free my head ,relax my self, I hope I will overcome the problem, so I pray that God helps me

That is true. People tend to look only on our outward expressions, but do not see deeply through our sad eyes.

Dear, you are strong. Feeling sadness or tiredness is not a weakness. Yes, please take the time to renew your strength and energy. Self-care especially mental health care is very important.

Hugs, dear. Praying for you. You got this!

Amonge
Nov 05
Nov 05

Thank you siz

ANJ ANA
Nov 03
Nov 03

My dear Amonge,
Let me send my warm love and tight hugs to you at first.
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. Truly, I can feel how you are fighting your battles just to fit in. Indeed, It takes a brave heart to smiles during the rainy cold days, yet so many sisters are practicing the same for the sake of their love and respect for the family. I know its easy to say and hard to experience, but its the time, we have to be ready to let go of the sufferings and move ahead with hope and new dreams. My best wishes to you, keep writing and share to release your pain.
I agree and second to WP sisters, Jill and Karen, please find me there with you whenever you need my dear sister.
love and regards,
anjana

Amonge
Nov 05
Nov 05

Dearest Anjana,
Thank you so much.

ANJ ANA
Nov 05
Nov 05

Dearest Amonge,
So glad to hear you back. How are you, my dear?
I know you are strong enough. As you said ''Am I the only person who smiles during the rainy cold days''. that is something special, who is stronger than a person who can hold a smile even in hardship. Keep staying strong my sister. But you have to release your feeling somewhere to be lighter.
Yesterday, I was reading one of our WP sister's Bashuda Modak sharing on ''Washing our struggles away'' where she referred to "Researcher Brene Brown told a story about a village where all the women washed clothes together down by the river. When they all got washing machines, there was a sudden outbreak of depression and no one could figure out why. It wasn't the washing machines in and of themselves. It was the absence of time spent doing things together. It was the absence of a community. " it shows how important is sharings and releasing our sorrows and happiness. Please read https://www.worldpulse.com/community/users/basudha-modak/posts/92567 for her full insights.

sending you love and care,
anjana
love and hugs, anjana