Save your life Not a toxic marriage, #Nasimama na yeye

Amonge
Posted November 17, 2019 from Kenya

When she closes that door, and walks in that cell of a house, she turns into a drowning girl in the middle of an ocean. She removes her clothes and walks to her mirror ,the only friend who knows her little  secret. She wipes her face make up off, then boom! The bruises are clear. Her body is covered by bruises and marks of older bruises. If you see her in that state you will either run or wonder, if that is the smiley strong woman you do know.

Tears roll down her cheeks, she keeps on cursing the day she met that man, she asks the mirror if it's her fault, but alas! The mirror will not answer.Then her wig falls from her head, she has terrifying marks, her hair is patched on her head, but nobody knows, apart from the little mirror she is crying before in her bedroom. 

She looks at her body, it promts her to compare her features with the ones on the photo she is holding then she realises they are two different bodies with one sole, she is skinny, tired and don't hold to any future  promises, because she doesn't know he fate in that house (prison) .

Do you know  why she can't move out?,she is trying to be strong for her kids, she doesn't  want to be judged by the community of being a single parent, she keeps praying and hoping this man will change. But for ten years, ten good years? Of such violence?  You who is reading, do you think he will change? 

A bell rings, probably  it's the monster. She dries up her tears, dresses up and runs to the door to welcome him. He has brought the kids from school, the only greeting she gets its a slap because she wasted time opening the door.the kids being terrified, run to their room and lock the door. 

She can't speak up, why? Her grandmother  taught her a man is the head of the house and you don't question him, and you commit your self to him. That doesn't work with an abusive marriage ,it happens with a man who respects you and know your worth

He forsefuly rape her, she tries screaming but he slaps her mouth, after he is done, he dresses up, leave her on the bed, places some cash on the stool beside the bed, I think is for food and walks out of the house. It's on Friday, definitely he won't come back until Monday morning. 

Then that is what  you call marriage, women let's learn walking out of abusive relationship /marriages. Let's learn to show we are suffering.Dont wear a confident face just to fit in, let the community judge you but at the end of the day your a happy woman living in peace. 

Let's stop gender abuse by sharing our fears, our sufferings,our pains,walk and if possible run out of abusive relationship, 

That story is based on what women go through, in one way or another, just to fit in and save their marriages and name. 

Lastly  digest this, will you save your marriage  or your life 

  • Its Amonge from Kenya 
  • I stand with her. 
This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

Comments 31

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nyamwizaagnes
Nov 17
Nov 17

Hello sister Amonge,
Thank you so much for sharing this to the world pulse community. Lets stand together to end gender based violence and save our sisters' lives.

Amonge
Nov 17
Nov 17

Hello Nyamwiza,
Let's talk to our sisters in such relationships to walk out,
Let us as the community not judge them,
Let us help each other overcome and stop gender based violence.
#nasimama na yeye/i stand with her

Sophie Ngugi
Nov 17
Nov 17

The number of women dying in abusive marriages is worrying especially in Kenya. Thanks for sharing, may we get inspired to speak out and also empathize with those who will not speak out.

Amonge
Nov 17
Nov 17

Dear Sophie,
It saddens me watching the news daily on women being killed by men they call their husbands, so sad, I pray for their families

Lisbeth
Nov 17
Nov 17

Dear Amonge,
How are you? I hope you are doing well? It's a traumatic story as usual with GBV. Please it it a personal application? Then you must have muster up courage to finally reveal it to the entire world.

Thank you very much for sharing to inspire many sisters and wives to speak up. I agree societal or cultural upbringing is a major cause of silencing our sisters to speak up. It's unfortunate!
Do have a great week day and take care of yourself.
Hugs
Lizzy

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Hello Lisbeth,
Am very fine, thank you for reading. Let's encourage women to come out and speak.
Am having a great day.
Thank you so much.

Lisbeth
Nov 21
Nov 21

It's my pleasure, you welcome :-)

Jill Langhus
Nov 18
Nov 18

Hello Dear Brendah,

How are you doing, love? Thanks for sharing your story. I hope this isn't what your relationship was like, dear? I hope you're doing better now and that you have a better support system in place now and some options for a better future for yourself and your son?! It's okay to speak up. Please keep speaking up. We are here for you... now, and always:-)

Hope you're doing well, and having a good Monday, dear!?

XX

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Hello Jill,
Am doing OK, thank you for caring, yes I speak up partly what I went through, and partly stories of women who are abused but are afraid to come out.
It's a traumatic experience any woman should not go through.
Thank you.

Jill Langhus
Nov 22
Nov 22

Hello dear:-)

Good to hear. You're very welcome!

I see. I hope you empower through your example now others to speak up:-)

Yes!

I hope you have a good weekend, dear.

Anita Shrestha
Nov 18
Nov 18

Dear Sis
Thank you very much for sharing

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Hello sissy,
Thanks for reading and understanding without judging.
Lots of love from Kenyan Amonge

Hello, Amonge,

You are a gifted writer because you are able to paint a picture on what it's like for a woman who is suffering from domestic violence. I feel the isolation when you wrote that it is only the mirror who knows her abusive situation. How many women are afraid to speak out because of fear of a failed marriage. We need to stand with these women and let them know it is not her fault that she was deceived by her man.

Thank you for raising your voice on this issue, dear. I hope this is not your personal story.

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Hello Karen,
Thanks for reading my story. Partly is what I went through, and partly is the story of many women I interact with who go through abuse and are afraid to speak up. So painful in deed, some are even worse than what I went through, but they fear being judged when they come out, let's walk with them in prayer.
In Kenya that's our current situation, some women gave ended up dieng or being killed, the world is cruel and mean.

Let's be part and parcel of these women who are abused, let's care through talks, prayers and understanding.

Amonge

You're welcome, dear sister Amonge. How tragic and horrible it is for women to be treated this way. Thank you for being brave to raise your voice about this matter. I understand that feeling of shame can make women stay silent. I hope they are able to express their trauma in safe spaces.

God bless you, dear!

Ekitah
Nov 18
Nov 18

Hi Amonge!
Thanks for this powerful write up. Its good to stand with her , don't give up. Let our voices be heard and together all the girl children and women will be treated with justice. Thanks for sharing.

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Hello Elijah,
Thanks for reading understanding and encouragement.
Let's stop gender based violence. It starts with us

lizzymark
Nov 18
Nov 18

Abusive relationship is not a place to belong,staying in such relationship not only endanger your life but that of your children. He does not deserve you and its wrong to remain there and keep hoping for change. Sometimes when you are not there he could understand his wrong. Dear Amonge I hope its not your story but in whatever case we love you and thanks for shearing

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Thank you Lizzy.

IjeomaSO
Nov 19
Nov 19

So sad but really very true experience of a typical African woman.
Thank you for sharing this dear Amonge.

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

Thank you so much too, sissy.

Marie Abanga
Nov 19
Nov 19

I got enough and FLEW out - this is me today. #Istandwithher

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

and I believe your growing stronger and going places.
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

KATEMIRI
Nov 21
Nov 21

Wow! This is so touching. I'd rather save my life

Amonge
Nov 21
Nov 21

It's true, I'd rather save my life too, than save a marriage that will never work.
Thank you siz.

Tamar7
Nov 22
Nov 22

I stand with Amonge

Amonge
Nov 23
Nov 23

Thanks

Spiritedsoul
Nov 23
Nov 23

Hugs, thank you for sharing. We must stand up and speak up.
Hugs,
Jess.

Amonge
Nov 24
Nov 24

Hello,
Thank you too, hugs warmly received. Yes we should crack from our shells, and speak up! If we don't the nobody will speak for you,me and the women facing violence

Kolli
Nov 25
Nov 25

Hi Amonge, thank you for sharing and for remembering the women living in silent prisons in their "homes" How I wish it was easy to walk out, I guess it is a touch choice just putting myself in there shoes. There are so many women living in this bondage. Many times it is the only safety option even when living in violence is all they have especially if there is a threat to life from the abuser. My question would be, how can we create a safe space for women like this to walk into knowing that they and their children will stay alive if they do...

Amonge
Nov 26
Nov 26

Dear Kolli,
It pains my heart that the countries we come from , enough safer places are not available, and especially when women whose life's have been threatened can run to. Those who are financially able have run out of the country, but what about those who are not able? They end up dying, because wherever they try to run to the abusers reach them. If enough safer places are created then ,women will feel much safer to walk out. But who do we run to, if the women in power have turned to gamblers? They gamble even with our life's, so sad to say so.

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