I am not your ATM

Andrace
Posted October 9, 2020

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented #woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence”, stated Mandy Hale and I couldn't agree less when a cherished #friend asked me about what I thought. The girl who does not wait to be validated calls her shots with self-confidence. Such a girl would not have any man talk down at her, labelling her a liability, drain, or failure. The same man would not dare to tell her that he is not her Automated Teller Machine (ATM)! In a partnership where mutual love and understanding thrives, one looks out for and after the other, but when that becomes a burden or cumbersome routine, things are bound to fall apart.

Every #girl needs to own her voice and should be able to raise it wherever and whenever the need arises. More often than not, especially in #Africa, the society and culture is #patriarchal, which encourages #gender discrimination and abuse. Most #girls sacrifice their financial independence on the altar of marriage or a partnership because they take up the responsibility of other salient matters in the home that can not be cash-quantified, which is often taken for granted. Several #women are the breadwinners of their families though. A handful of #men appreciate this kind of woman and become involved in other domestic duties or gender-stereotyped roles, in addition to investing ample emotional support in such a relationship. However, many other men run down a woman like this instead, neither giving cash, nor kind in the relationship. Some men would even find every excuse under the sun not to work, hiding under the patriarchy...specifically religion, hence such relationships sit on a time-bomb, heading for the rocks eventually, should we not want to dance around the truth.

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         For a girl not to be trampled on, each girl should work towards her material wealth, intellectual prowess, and self-confidence. That way, no one would think she is a drain, failure, or liability.

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Everything except change has either changed or is changing. Hence, I would admonish every girl to be economically empowered and independent. It is a saving grace from #gender-based abuse and being treated as the 'insignificant other'. It also helps with #mental stability. A girl who is busy being a change-maker has no time to mope or wail, waiting for a man. We can, we should, and are enough. The bible, in Amos 3: 3 says “can two walk together, except they agree”? If both parties can not respect or celebrate one another, appreciating the sacrificial roles they each play in the lives of one another, then they are not practising the love advocated in 1 Corinthians 13.

No one should feel like a drain, ATM, failure, or liability in any relationship. No one should be intimidated or threatened by the success or otherwise of the other. They can and should complement one another. Nonetheless, for a girl not to be trampled on, each girl should work towards her material wealth, intellectual prowess, and self-confidence. That way, no one would think she is a drain, failure, or liability because no man has the wand to be any woman’s ATM, except the one who holds the universe in the hollow of His hands and is the ultimate provider- Jehovah Jireh or ‘ATM’.

 

 

 

 

 

This story was submitted in response to My Voice, Our Equal Future.

Comments 12

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Tamarack Verrall
Oct 09
Oct 09

Hi Andrace,
This is such an important message to women and girls. We are taking the right to have our own money, to be independent when we need to be and when we want to be. These 'rules' that state that men should be the only ones with money are just rules that they have made up and keep teaching generation to generation. If we are to live in a money economy, we need to be able to have access to money, to ensure our own freedom. Thanks for your strong voice on this.

Andrace
Oct 09
Oct 09

Thank you Maama Tam. Very true.

Warm regards always,
E. J.

Nini Mappo
Oct 09
Oct 09

Hello sis E.J,
When I read the title of your story, I thought it was about money requests from kin to those in diaspora!
That pull quote in your message says it all: women's dependence on men is what sustains the abuse, poor self confidence, and lack of courage to fight back. Thank you for 'sounding the battle cry' once more.
That said, I still don't have my own bank account. The 'owning our wealth' allusion made me think of that ha ha!

Andrace
Oct 10
Oct 10

Thanks a lot, Sis. The issue about money requests from kin to those in diaspora got me laughing. That is one long story for another day. You're walking on streets of gold with hard currency all around in Australia, there is no denying that, Nini! :)

Anyway, back to our story. A woman who is economically empowered could be abused as well, due to the value society places on marriage. The desire to be a “Mrs” could eventually enslave a girl, but as soon as she realises she does not need to be validated by a man to exist, she can then tap into divine joy, because the initiator of marriage which is God, did not design marriage as a shackle, but a family unit of love and worship to the Father, hence mutual love and understanding, built with communication, sacrifice and trust should sustain a partnership or marriage through the storms.

Haaa! :) Of course, it is okay if you don't have your own bank account because what is his is yours and vice-versal on the face value. As long you have built mutual trust, love, understanding etc...pronto! All is surely well.

Love and hugs,
E. J.

Sabiha Hasan
Oct 10
Oct 10

Bingo! Well said.. I agree totally, if ever you have to choose between a man and career. Choose second one

Andrace
Oct 10
Oct 10

Hi Sabina,
Really? Ha! Ha!! Sure!!! :)

Thanks a lot, Sis.

Love & Hugs,
E. J.

JoOak
Oct 11
Oct 11

Dear Sister Andrace ,
Your write-up has succinctly captured the situation in which many women especially in Africa find themselves.

My God , Women can also have the money !
It's high time we changed this narrative of men being the one with the money .

The reason why most women suffer and endure all manner of abuse is because they are dependent on men .
Men shouldn't be made the ATMs !

A woman who works and earns her own money is more confident and respected . And it is easier for her to stand against any ill treatment and achieve her dreams .
I have made it my duty to admonish every woman I come across to chose her career or whatever legal business that brings her money over marriage because a lot of our women tend to sacrifice this on the altar of marriage .

I go with your submission, " for a girl child not to be tramped on , each girl should work towards her material wealth , intellectual Prowess and self confidence .
That way, no one would think she is a drain , failure and liability."
And I agree with you that every girl child should be economically empowered and independent as this will save her a lot from any form of ill treatment or abuse.

Much love ma'am

Andrace
Oct 13
Oct 13

My dear Sis,
How are you doing? Thank you so much for strengthening this piece with your valuable contribution. I totally agree with you.

Unfortunately, some women who are economically empowered subject themselves to abuse as well, due to the patriarchal system of our clime, culture and a woman's need for emotional support; hence the import of self-confidence in every woman or girl to own her own life, rather than enslave it to the validation of a man.

Thanks again, Sis.

Love you,

E. J.

Chidimma
Oct 13
Oct 13

Hello Dear Andrace.
Well articulated. Your write up has totally said it all, how women relate financially with their male counterpart.
If and only if women can depend less on men because of money, there will not be domestic violence or any of it's kind on Earth.
Thanks for your sharing.

Chidimma

Andrace
Oct 13
Oct 13

My dear Sis,
I totally agree with you. It is herculean though, because women make a lot of sacrifices for the family unit to thrive. Many women can't search for or take up highly-paying jobs because they have to stay close to their families. Ultimately, the man takes advantage of that to begin the abuse.

Unfortunately, some women who are economically empowered subject themselves to abuse as well, due again to the patriarchal system of our clime, culture and a woman's need for emotional support; hence the importance of self-confidence for every woman or girl to own her own life, rather than enslave it to the validation of a man.

Thanks again, Sis.

Love you,

E. J.

Adanna
Oct 19
Oct 19

This is a nice article Andrace, everything you have said is nothing but the truth!

The quote is so powerful and something I would love to share with every girl I meet,
"For a girl not to be trampled on, each girl should work towards her material wealth, intellectual prowess, and self-confidence. That way, no one would think she is a drain, failure, or liability."

Thank you for sharing.

Love,
Adanna

Andrace
Oct 19
Oct 19

Thanks a lot for your kind words, my Sis. 'Appreciate all the work you do too.

'Bless you always.

Love and hugs,
E. J.