COMING OUT FROM THE FOG/ My Own Story On How I Wrestled With Depression/ A Tribute in Celebration of the #IWD

Angel Lasona
Posted March 7, 2020 from Philippines
VINI, VIDI, VICI
Bad things happen to make us realize our true potential, strength, will-power and heart. Have faith and stay strong DEAREST SISTERS!

Restlessness, sleep disturbances, anxiousness.... 

the list goes on. 

Have you been up in the night lately, thinking and worrying of nothing in particular? Feeling extra anxious over certain things? Getting annoyed, pissed, and easily hot-tempered to no one in particular? 

Well, my dearest, it's time to be extra kind to yourself. Seek some friendly advice from close friends and immediate family members or perhaps, a medical and professional advice. 

Feeling blue most of the times is enough for you to ring the alarm. Seek refuge right away before you find yourself too deep in the clutch of this debilitating disease called depression. 

​​​​​​​​Warm hugs and hello to all my awesome sisters out there! Hang on and everything will just eventually get okay. ❤️

Life is real, life is earnest 

And the grave is not its goal. 

Dust thou art, to dust returnest, 

Was not spoken of the soul. 

---Psalm of Life

Recently, the news all over the television and social media are all so disturbing. Right at the start of 2020, a number of tragic news about death, war, natural disasters, accidents, calamities and diseases all screamed on the headlines. 

What is happening to the world right now? Are we all responsible for these? Can we survive this all? 

The truth is, I am afraid dearest sisters. I am afraid not just for myself. I am afraid for my children, for all the babies out there who are still too innocent to understand what is happening now to the world. I fear for what might be in store for them in the future. Yes, I've been into it too... Ceaseless worrying over on almost every thing. 

Some days ago, I was able to read about a man who hostaged numerous people just to drive home his point over an injustice for the lowly employees. At the same day, have read over a suicide of a teenager who was supposed to graduate from junior years and might be a promising productive professional in the making. And just yesterday, every body was lamenting and pouring out their condolences and sympathy to a pretty young mom who'd been consumed by depression and thus committed suicide, leaving alone two innocent babies who'll be motherless for the rest of their lives. 

So, disheartening... 

My heart and soul is crying... 

The pain is just too much... 

Another sister had decided to end her misery. Selfless might be, but we cannot blame her for what demon she might be fighting through. 

In Celebration of the International Women's Day, I dedicate this write-up to all of you dearest sisters who might be battling the same demon within. And for those who are still struggling, and those who already succeeded to overcome and resurface with a stronger faith and solid disposition in life, I APPLAUD you! Let's combat our way out. It's not yet that LATE. Let's reshape the future. WE ARE THE FUTURE. 

​​​​​​​​Depression is a life-threatening disease that should be talked about, especially this March, as part of the mental health awareness month. I wanted to share my story with World Pulse to spread the message of hope. I know many of are suffering from this debilitating disease and are looking for a way to come out of it, desperately. 

Depression is very much treatable, and we should know that we are not alone even though we may feel like that at times. We have people that are willing to support us through. It is only that sometimes we do not understand their presence. Most of those undergoing depression are silent, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to speak. I know how a person wants to speak up and how every time she falls short of words and hope. I have made it this far and so can you. Your silence speaks to me and to others who are willing to walk alongside us. The dark cloud of depression may appear to be monstrous and everlasting, but there is a way out of it. We can maneuver our way through the deadly trenches if we keep on fighting.

Unleashing A Talent : Proves to be a great help! 

One of the symptoms of depression is getting into OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Mine wasn’t any different, and as I was reading in one of the articles, I came to know that it is one of the common signs of depression. As a mom, I used to freak out over a bit of stain on the bathroom wall and would scrubbed it a dozen times a day unhappily murmuring of having kids around who do all these trashes. Hired help would come and go over insensitive remarks that I usually throw. I was deeply shameful on my behavior. Afterward, I used to regret every moment of it, crying from within the depths of sadness. The post partum delivery of my second child a year after the other and the depths of a crumbling marriage also made me more depressed and anxious. However, I found relief when I started going back to a learned hobby way back during my younger years, and that was painting. 

Friendly advice is to seek professional help at the earliest after finding in yourself the initials signs of depression. As soon as one is diagnosed, one must be on her way towards recovery. A diagnosis is the first step of the healing ladder. My first professional immediate support though took me to a therapist when it was a recommendation during a VAWC case that brought me and my husband to the court. 

My assigned therapists were very kind and helpful all along my journey until now. I used to get complimented as how brave and courageous I am for taking all those things positively and constructively. These helped me to do a lot of self-retrospection thus making me figure out things in a larger picture. 

My Work Life 

It gives entirely new meaning when one has to work as well while being depressed. Most depressed people cannot get out of bed or take a shower, let alone go to work. Therefore, the task was challenging for me. There are just some days that all I want to do is just lie on the bed all day and day dream of good things while not doing anything realistic about it aIl. I was lousy in my job, couldn't concentrate carrying out my lessons, became an uncaring teacher whose only thought in mind is to fret endlessly of what might be happening to my sons ages one year and six months. All I have in mind is to go home even if not in time yet. I never thought I’d be healthy enough to work, yet my life had taken a turn in the right direction after a long night of depression. I realized a lot of things, and one of those is my great love for my babies who are still too vulnerable to carry on with life alone. From that day onwards, I found the courage to face my fears. My invisible enemy took massive hits with my bold steps, and it was retreating. Spontaneously, I feel more better and became more mindful of my career. The bread and butter as they say. Though, even to this day, there are times when I feel powerless and sad. But I come out of it and don’t let those low moments lurk over me for long.

I pray that the government will promote free mental health awareness and treatment, it would mean so much to the people who might be unconsciously struggling with it. There are many factors that causes depression, and we all have our own ways of coping with it. It's never a choice to be depressed. I am just like everyone else except for the fact nature was a little more generous on me. It shaped me from a miserable self-lamenting failure into a woman of contented happiness. 

We, as humans, should be more understanding of a person’s current situation. I know it is hard not to judge at times. But saying negative things to people who are suffering can permanently hurt them. Before anyone of us passes a final remark, we must remember two things: one, miracles do happen and two, prayers are still answered.

These are my self-made strategies that helped me protect my mental well-being.

1. Exercising

I'm not really into it. Yet I realized that a 15-minute bending, jogging and planking not only makes me sweaty good but also really lifts up my mood. Have weighed a bit above my normal BMI and the feeling of gasping for breath made me want to not skip or miss it even if I don’t feel like doing. I can’t give in to my fatigues anymore. If I want to get better and stay at it, I have to do exercise religiously. I have been regularly doing this for a year now, and my body is much more movement-friendly and flexible. When I first started, I felt as if I am dragging 100 tons with my body. It was mentally and physically draining, but in the end, I am the one who is happy. The happy hormones kick in as a result of the rigorous physical activity. It charges me up and uplifts my mood.

2. Following a routine

We have to follow a strict routine, and my job as a teacher-artist helps me maintain my routine. I used to clean the house and do chores. I indulged in anything that made me feel a little less miserable. I do good with a company, can crack jokes with peers, and can even talked to a crowd as a resource speaker about Personality Development and Good Grooming, yet I'm more comfortable when alone. Introvert in the sense that my way of passing out time is through reading, making vlogs, tiktoking and the like. Let's be reminded that we are the ones who are most responsible for our happiness. 

3. Avoiding Smoking and drinking 

Cigarettes and liquor are the most common leeway that depressed persons indulge into. As for myself, I was never a smoker. Yet I do drink. From being occasional to being more frequent. I was trying to cut this practice though I just settle on downer liquids like wine. A bottle twice a week is good enough but quite costly. I prefer then our local coconut wine which is cheaper.

4. Counting my blessings every day

Thinking about what we have at the moment is crucial for survival. Paying gratitude for those little things in life makes us appreciate life in general. I am thankful for everything I have in my life. The things I have in my possession matter more as compared to the stuff I don’t have. I try to live in my present moment learning from the mistakes I made in the past and hopeful for a positive future. I found it very helpful to share a prayer or two every waking day. This made me feel the power of our Lord Almighty. 

My advice to each and every one who is undergoing depression... 

Don’t ever let this debilitating, mind-boggling disease control you. You and I are warriors, and we will be the winners in the end. I know it is not easy to fight mental health. But please do hang tight to the string of hope even if the rope seems to be breaking with each passing second. Just don’t let go!

Believe and you can. ❤️

Thank you very much for reading my story. 

Lots of love,

ANGEL LASONA ❤️

Comments 23

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Jill Langhus
Mar 07
Mar 07

Hi Angel,

How are you doing? Thanks so much for sharing your really vulnerable and informative post. I think your post can and will help a lot of women. I'm personally glad that you didn't mention medication, however, I realize that sometimes medication can be considered necessary for extreme cases or perhaps for those with conditions that deem it necessary, too. I didn't realize OCD was a cause of depression. I first noticed OCD tendencies in high school and I was depressed, to this is an interesting revelation for me. How are you doing/feeling now? How long have you been depressed and do you feel like you have it under control now? It sounds like it, and I hope so:-)

You may want to consider submitting this post for the "Share On Any Topic" story call as I think it's very good:
https://www.worldpulse.com/raise-your-voice/share-any-topic

Hope you're doing well, and that you have a great IWD!

XX

Angel Lasona
Mar 07
Mar 07

Hi dearest Jill. Thank you for checking up on me. So far so good right now dearest sister. Yes, the type of thing that i went through was diagnosed as 'leading to depression'... So mine was not the actual depression stage. And I am just so real glad, as what my therapist told me, courageous and sane enough to maneuver out of it.

P. S.
So love you dearest Jill for the info, indeed would love to post this story too on the link a out #IWD. May God continues to bless us all. ❤️

Jill Langhus
Mar 07
Mar 07

Hello dear,

You're very welcome:-) Great to hear! I know it's not fun at all.

Yes! You are fortunate and brave to face it head on.

XX

Dawn Arteaga
Mar 07
Mar 07

What beautiful words and uplifting advice. Thank you! I would add another element is finding a supportive group you can share your heart with.

Angel Lasona
Mar 07
Mar 07

Hi dearest Dawn, so glad to share my personal plight to all those who might be suffering the same thing like mine out there. And I'm just so real glad to finally find a hone where my thoughts and words and freely recognized abd appreciated. I love you all! ❤️

Hello, Angel,

What a timely post as I will be sharing about Overcoming Depression tomorrow. Your story is an added resource for me to share this. I have been in that dark path and was clinically diagnosed myself, dear. I am so glad you discover tools to manage this. I feel much closer to you now that we share two things, being mother raising children with special needs and having gone through depression.

I want to hug you so tight, dear strong and brave woman! No wonder you are so kind, caring, and compassionate. You've been through toughest times, and you've risen above them all. Now, you are on a mission to help others, too!

You are my kind of woman, dear. I am so glad we belong in the same tribe! <3 Thank you for your courage to share!

Angel Lasona
Mar 07
Mar 07

Ohhhh, touche' dearest sis Karen❤️❤️❤️... The journey wasn't bed and roses in which I know you've got an inkling about, having shared the same plight... Yet life is way too good and I believe, meeting you up was purely a matter of fate not by chance nor coincidence. I love you and all dearest sisters who are experiencing this kind of turbulence yet are still in full concentration to hold the reigns best. Goodluck my dearest for your webinar. It's a most looked forward to for all of us. God bless us ❤️

maeann
Mar 07
Mar 07

You have expressed the very inner of you. Thank you for sharing this to us. This invinsible enemy is real and sometimes keep coming but as long as you have the LOVE from family and support group, you will never feel alone. Know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Big Hugs Angel :)

Angel Lasona
Mar 10
Mar 10

Being in World Pulse makes me bolder dearest Mhe. So real glad to be in a circle of beautifully empowered women who always have unselfish voice of praises to uplift each one. And we are just so proud and happy to have you as our one great leading sister here in our country.
More power to you dear Ambassadress MheAnn❤️❤️❤️

Metiege Noel Eve
Mar 08
Mar 08

Thanks Lassona for sharing such insightful post. I feel the pain of what you have been through because I have been there and didn't pay attention and ended up with stroke giving me permanent disability on the left side
Stay strong always
# in sisterhood#
Love always
NOEL❤❤❤❤

Angel Lasona
Mar 10
Mar 10

Ohh dear, it's sad that you came to experience that too... Please don't feel any worst. Life has to go on. We just really need to have that positive disposition in life to continue our journey... Hugs dearest. ❤️

Akshaya9
Mar 08
Mar 08

Hi Angel,
Thank you for sharing your story to us. After i read your story i realized that, i also experienced depression but luckily i know how to fight and sometimes I also go through to commit suicide when my husband betrayed. I just think to my kid's, what could happen to them if die. That's why I never do.

I also experienced again depression, when my relatives (my mother side) gossip about me in their group chat. I fight to them using social media, i posted their convo about me. Maybe they thought I'm like a gangster but they don't know I'm crying while typing when we exchange convo.

Your right, "Don't let go" and " Believe and you can". That's why I'm still here because I'm a warrior :-) . Hope you doing fine.

Have a nice day!

Angel Lasona
Mar 10
Mar 10

Hi dear, don't let unimportant gossips destroy our well-being. If they are not worth the thought, it's better to shrugged them off with a smile. Lovelots dear❤️

Akshaya9
Mar 15
Mar 15

Hi Angel,
Your right :-) .

Hugs

Anita Shrestha
Mar 08
Mar 08

Dear Angel
Thank you very much for sharing experiences. How are you ? now a days

Angel Lasona
Mar 10
Mar 10

Hi dearest Anita, life's been good. Now a happy and contented mom who's been multi-tasking between work and motherly duties. Can't help the surge of blue mood at times yet every thing is under control. Hugs dear. ❤️

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 09
Mar 09

Morning Angel Lasona, from the fog of the northwet (northwest, but northwet is more appropriate this time of year), which has the highest percent of depression in usa.
thank you for writing your story. most people get depressed if even for a short time period.
i know i have over the decades.
what a hole.
what helped me through me last one was a ten week program through the local church "center for spiritual living". so many wonderful lessons through that program. "every moment is a brand new moment, every day is a brand new day".
Joe Dispenza also has evolved my thoughts and attitude. lot of free lectures and interviews of his on youtube and his website. i have followed him ever since he was keynote address speaker at the International Gentle Birth conference in Portland, Or in about 2006. what really took hold in me was what he said about Einstein's energy into matter equation:
our thoughts are energy
the attitude we hold them with is a biochemical process and therefor is matter
the heavy attitudes solidify into disease in our bodies over time.
and in my sufi teachings: "most people are controlled by their minds, few are in control of our minds"
thus we MUST create new thoughts. and for me it meant keeping my focus on what pulled my heart, and what did i want to think about. not easy, yet over the years and decades, it is totally worth it.
love and hugs, ahhhh, children are such bright angels!! mischevious and time consuming as they are.

Angel Lasona
Mar 10
Mar 10

My hugs Rahmana, your input about how our mind works is truly enlightening, thank you dearest. How I wish too that we have such kind of free mental support as what you got there, a center for spiritual living...

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 11
Mar 11

i wish that were all true. it is/was (they have closed due to lack of money) a church split off from itself, and when i was attending they were working on getting back together.
"Center for Spiritual Living's umbrella organization, Religious Science International, reunited earlier this month with the United Church of Religious Science. The two sects split in 1954 from Religious Science, which was founded in the 1920s by philosopher Ernest Holmes, who wrote “Science of Mind.”"

it was a ten week course, and not free. came with references. this little book is my favorite!!! get a print copy if you can, tho i see it is available free on audio.
The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles
"people began to wonder, "If my state of mind seems to have a positive influence over how I feel physically, what other things can it do? Can it lead to prosperity? Can it lead to happiness in my home? Can it lead to finding love and romance?" One result of such questioning was Wattles's application of Quimbian "mental healing" strategies to financial as well as physiological situations."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Science_of_Getting_Rich
the co- ministers were a married couple. he is a fantastic muscician and singer and lead choir that i was in. and i ran the tech station for recording and the mics and the tv screen with the words to the songs.
BUT THEN, he had to go and verbalize sexual verbage at me. the first time in a store in town, the second in church at the tech station..................................I was kinda in shock. he's married. and then, when i told a prominent woman in shock she said "but your lesbian" ha!!! what assumptions people make. so then i had to circle with him, his friend, and a lead woman of the church. and we took turns speaking. the friend "well, he is from texas and just the way he talks" "he understands now" oh goodness did i bite back "no you men will never understand" "I think you are just not getting any at home and it is spilling out of your mouth" and huge lightbulbs went off in his eyes. it was reported to the church national headquarters and he had to do lots of homework. the church closed some months later and there were many more complaints about him that came out once it was out in the open. poor guy, not getting any at home. oh well. but the course really really helped me. and JOE, i love Joe.
it really is about what we allow our brains to think. we need to control the brain. it is just an organ. and any thought we repeat gets stronger. like laying a railroad track, we need to lay new tracks.
it has taken decades. of struggle. to tame mine. mostly.

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 11
Mar 11

PS: the other fascinating book was:
Think and Grow Rich written by Napoleon Hill in 1937 and promoted as a personal development and self-improvement book.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_and_Grow_Rich

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 11
Mar 11

PSS: this just came in my email after posting my last comment to you, so of course you came right to mind. Do you know about this network? get on their email list. they have frequent free offerings online and folks from around the world are online together, and the chat feature works. and of course you can sign up to go on with that person and their trainings for a cost. i paid for an angel training once. The Shift Network definitely carried me through many dark days/nights. i love them.
https://theshiftnetwork.com/

Thelma obani 2020
Mar 11
Mar 11

Uplifting advice..keep winning

lizzymark
Mar 11
Mar 11

Hi Angel,am glad you could shear all of these it just show how strong you are,and you faced it and dealt with it,so proud of you. I agree with Jill that you did not mention medication, most people who start with medication or use it at some point may not be able to do without it again even after they have been healed. I love that you try to live in the present and thankful for what you have now. Its the best way,happy for you dear hope you are fine and having a great week.