COMING OUT FROM THE FOG/ My Own Story On How I Wrestled With Depression/ A Tribute in Celebration of the #IWD

Restlessness, sleep disturbances, anxiousness.... 

the list goes on. 

Have you been up in the night lately, thinking and worrying of nothing in particular? Feeling extra anxious over certain things? Getting annoyed, pissed, and easily hot-tempered to no one in particular? 

Well, my dearest, it's time to be extra kind to yourself. Seek some friendly advice from close friends and immediate family members or perhaps, a medical and professional advice. 

Feeling blue most of the times is enough for you to ring the alarm. Seek refuge right away before you find yourself too deep in the clutch of this debilitating disease called depression. 

​​​​​​​​Warm hugs and hello to all my awesome sisters out there! Hang on and everything will just eventually get okay. ❤️

Life is real, life is earnest 

And the grave is not its goal. 

Dust thou art, to dust returnest, 

Was not spoken of the soul. 

---Psalm of Life

Recently, the news all over the television and social media are all so disturbing. Right at the start of 2020, a number of tragic news about death, war, natural disasters, accidents, calamities and diseases all screamed on the headlines. 

What is happening to the world right now? Are we all responsible for these? Can we survive this all? 

The truth is, I am afraid dearest sisters. I am afraid not just for myself. I am afraid for my children, for all the babies out there who are still too innocent to understand what is happening now to the world. I fear for what might be in store for them in the future. Yes, I've been into it too... Ceaseless worrying over on almost every thing. 

Some days ago, I was able to read about a man who hostaged numerous people just to drive home his point over an injustice for the lowly employees. At the same day, have read over a suicide of a teenager who was supposed to graduate from junior years and might be a promising productive professional in the making. And just yesterday, every body was lamenting and pouring out their condolences and sympathy to a pretty young mom who'd been consumed by depression and thus committed suicide, leaving alone two innocent babies who'll be motherless for the rest of their lives. 

So, disheartening... 

My heart and soul is crying... 

The pain is just too much... 

Another sister had decided to end her misery. Selfless might be, but we cannot blame her for what demon she might be fighting through. 

In Celebration of the International Women's Day, I dedicate this write-up to all of you dearest sisters who might be battling the same demon within. And for those who are still struggling, and those who already succeeded to overcome and resurface with a stronger faith and solid disposition in life, I APPLAUD you! Let's combat our way out. It's not yet that LATE. Let's reshape the future. WE ARE THE FUTURE. 

​​​​​​​​Depression is a life-threatening disease that should be talked about, especially this March, as part of the mental health awareness month. I wanted to share my story with World Pulse to spread the message of hope. I know many of are suffering from this debilitating disease and are looking for a way to come out of it, desperately. 

Depression is very much treatable, and we should know that we are not alone even though we may feel like that at times. We have people that are willing to support us through. It is only that sometimes we do not understand their presence. Most of those undergoing depression are silent, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to speak. I know how a person wants to speak up and how every time she falls short of words and hope. I have made it this far and so can you. Your silence speaks to me and to others who are willing to walk alongside us. The dark cloud of depression may appear to be monstrous and everlasting, but there is a way out of it. We can maneuver our way through the deadly trenches if we keep on fighting.

Unleashing A Talent : Proves to be a great help! 

One of the symptoms of depression is getting into OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Mine wasn’t any different, and as I was reading in one of the articles, I came to know that it is one of the common signs of depression. As a mom, I used to freak out over a bit of stain on the bathroom wall and would scrubbed it a dozen times a day unhappily murmuring of having kids around who do all these trashes. Hired help would come and go over insensitive remarks that I usually throw. I was deeply shameful on my behavior. Afterward, I used to regret every moment of it, crying from within the depths of sadness. The post partum delivery of my second child a year after the other and the depths of a crumbling marriage also made me more depressed and anxious. However, I found relief when I started going back to a learned hobby way back during my younger years, and that was painting. 

Friendly advice is to seek professional help at the earliest after finding in yourself the initials signs of depression. As soon as one is diagnosed, one must be on her way towards recovery. A diagnosis is the first step of the healing ladder. My first professional immediate support though took me to a therapist when it was a recommendation during a VAWC case that brought me and my husband to the court. 

My assigned therapists were very kind and helpful all along my journey until now. I used to get complimented as how brave and courageous I am for taking all those things positively and constructively. These helped me to do a lot of self-retrospection thus making me figure out things in a larger picture. 

My Work Life 

It gives entirely new meaning when one has to work as well while being depressed. Most depressed people cannot get out of bed or take a shower, let alone go to work. Therefore, the task was challenging for me. There are just some days that all I want to do is just lie on the bed all day and day dream of good things while not doing anything realistic about it aIl. I was lousy in my job, couldn't concentrate carrying out my lessons, became an uncaring teacher whose only thought in mind is to fret endlessly of what might be happening to my sons ages one year and six months. All I have in mind is to go home even if not in time yet. I never thought I’d be healthy enough to work, yet my life had taken a turn in the right direction after a long night of depression. I realized a lot of things, and one of those is my great love for my babies who are still too vulnerable to carry on with life alone. From that day onwards, I found the courage to face my fears. My invisible enemy took massive hits with my bold steps, and it was retreating. Spontaneously, I feel more better and became more mindful of my career. The bread and butter as they say. Though, even to this day, there are times when I feel powerless and sad. But I come out of it and don’t let those low moments lurk over me for long.

I pray that the government will promote free mental health awareness and treatment, it would mean so much to the people who might be unconsciously struggling with it. There are many factors that causes depression, and we all have our own ways of coping with it. It's never a choice to be depressed. I am just like everyone else except for the fact nature was a little more generous on me. It shaped me from a miserable self-lamenting failure into a woman of contented happiness. 

We, as humans, should be more understanding of a person’s current situation. I know it is hard not to judge at times. But saying negative things to people who are suffering can permanently hurt them. Before anyone of us passes a final remark, we must remember two things: one, miracles do happen and two, prayers are still answered.

These are my self-made strategies that helped me protect my mental well-being.

1. Exercising

I'm not really into it. Yet I realized that a 15-minute bending, jogging and planking not only makes me sweaty good but also really lifts up my mood. Have weighed a bit above my normal BMI and the feeling of gasping for breath made me want to not skip or miss it even if I don’t feel like doing. I can’t give in to my fatigues anymore. If I want to get better and stay at it, I have to do exercise religiously. I have been regularly doing this for a year now, and my body is much more movement-friendly and flexible. When I first started, I felt as if I am dragging 100 tons with my body. It was mentally and physically draining, but in the end, I am the one who is happy. The happy hormones kick in as a result of the rigorous physical activity. It charges me up and uplifts my mood.

2. Following a routine

We have to follow a strict routine, and my job as a teacher-artist helps me maintain my routine. I used to clean the house and do chores. I indulged in anything that made me feel a little less miserable. I do good with a company, can crack jokes with peers, and can even talked to a crowd as a resource speaker about Personality Development and Good Grooming, yet I'm more comfortable when alone. Introvert in the sense that my way of passing out time is through reading, making vlogs, tiktoking and the like. Let's be reminded that we are the ones who are most responsible for our happiness. 

3. Avoiding Smoking and drinking 

Cigarettes and liquor are the most common leeway that depressed persons indulge into. As for myself, I was never a smoker. Yet I do drink. From being occasional to being more frequent. I was trying to cut this practice though I just settle on downer liquids like wine. A bottle twice a week is good enough but quite costly. I prefer then our local coconut wine which is cheaper.

4. Counting my blessings every day

Thinking about what we have at the moment is crucial for survival. Paying gratitude for those little things in life makes us appreciate life in general. I am thankful for everything I have in my life. The things I have in my possession matter more as compared to the stuff I don’t have. I try to live in my present moment learning from the mistakes I made in the past and hopeful for a positive future. I found it very helpful to share a prayer or two every waking day. This made me feel the power of our Lord Almighty. 

My advice to each and every one who is undergoing depression... 

Don’t ever let this debilitating, mind-boggling disease control you. You and I are warriors, and we will be the winners in the end. I know it is not easy to fight mental health. But please do hang tight to the string of hope even if the rope seems to be breaking with each passing second. Just don’t let go!

Believe and you can. ❤️

Thank you very much for reading my story. 

Lots of love,

ANGEL LASONA ❤️