HOW MANY WEEKS??

Aparna Nagesh
Posted May 4, 2020 from India
Picture Courtesy: Atchaya Shenali

In the first week, I felt relaxed, a tad anxious But I knew it was all going to be ok, so I kept my faith and my spirits up, up, up.

In the second week, my head felt heavy, buzzing with thoughts and information from every corner of the world. There was a sense of doom, looming over us all. Was it going to ever be ok?

In the third week, I made myself useful, set myself tasks, helped people who didn't have what I did, focused on creativity, my work, my teaching. We have to make the best of the situation, said the inside of my head.

In the fourth week, I ebbed and flowed.

There were good days and bad.

Some days were spent, working hard, helping as much as possible. While others I spent, forcing my brain into mindless oblivion by focusing on ficitious characters' lives.  It was an existential question- Do we keep the faith and stay positive or face the possible darkness of nothingness to come??

In the fifth week anxiety hit, and hit hard. 

Jaws were clenched and ground, sleep cycles took a beating, the stomach churned acid, The head was ready to explode.

Is it all even worth it? There are so many people struggling, and not just from illness. Through it all, one thing remained constant.

The muscles in my body moving, dancing to tunes both internal and external. Shapes and spirals, circles and squares.

A million ways to move, my brain said.

Bones and sinews, nerves and blood.

Shimmying and shaking and pirouetting and prancing.

The sixth week began today, I woke up, cautiously hopeful.

There was something about the sound of the birds that told me, maybe just maybe it would be alright.

My head still doesn't know, but my heart hopes. 

A

 

 

This story was submitted in response to Dispatches from the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Comments 15

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Chi8629
May 05
May 05

Hello Beautiful,
Welcome back ,.Thank you for sharing,we love you .

Aparna Nagesh
May 06
May 06

Thank you so.much. much love to you too!

Chi8629
May 06
May 06

You are welcome Sister.

Jill Langhus
May 06
May 06

Hello Dear Aparna,

Wow! I love this... so much eloquence, awareness and beauty in your journey. Thanks so much for sharing.

I hope you and your family are safe and well:-)

XX

Aparna Nagesh
May 06
May 06

Thank you so much Jill. Yes, as well as can be. Hope the same with you.

Jill Langhus
May 06
May 06

You're very welcome, dear.

Glad to hear it! Yes, I'm doing well.

The restrictions are being lifted and with it my hope is being restored. Hope you find this to be the case soon, too!

XX

Kirthi Jayakumar
May 06
May 06

Thank you for sharing this, Aparna! Hoping with your head and heart - the head knows when it knows :-)

Aparna Nagesh
May 06
May 06

Yes. And thank you for being my rock.

Beth Lacey
May 06
May 06

This is great. It really describes what this journey is like

Aparna Nagesh
May 06
May 06

Thank you so much Beth. Much love to you.

Thelma obani 2020
May 06
May 06

Thanks for sharing. Stay safe

Aparna Nagesh
May 06
May 06

Thank you. You too!

MUKABA ZAWADI
May 11
May 11

thank you for sharing your beautiful story it's interesting

Chidimma
May 12
May 12

Hello Dear Aparna. Trust your good and keeping safe. We have to keep faith akive and stay positive. There are bad days, certainly it will end. Thanks for sharing the jounery of COVID 19. Stay safe.

lemonadelemon
Aug 30
Aug 30

Beautiful sharing