I AM EVERYWOMAN

Austina
Posted May 1, 2016 from Nigeria

Recent occurrences have been bothering me! Occurrences that bother on the new found sense of entitlement men of this generation have found as their favorite passtime! Or, how else do you describe a situation where a man meets and marries a damsel, they both went to school by the way, which means she is as qualified as he is, if not much more! Then all of a sudden, he wants to assume the 'Lord and Master' posture with an entitlement mindset that is epic! The society has enabled this behaviour through unwritten but widely endorsed patterns that have been shoved down men's throats through the years: boys get to play around the house, ride bicycles, chase lizards, go hill climbing and you name it, while their girl counterparts do all the house chores! These same boys grow up into men who feel that getting married is an extension of what happened in their father's compounds when they were ten. And the vicious cycle therefore continues! I know you will say that's not news! But, have you seen or heard the emerging trends in homes lately? Men leave the paying of the bills ranging from rent to diaper for the women, and often times these days we have husbands who would rather stay at home and fiddle with the remote control all days, while their wives go out there to slave off their backs all in the name of keeping the marriage? Some even go as far as not just expecting the women to run the financial obligations but even to clothe them, fund their car loans and also give them pocket money to hang out with the boys! I'm every woman, and I dare to say this trend is all shades of wrong! From the Bible to the Koran and all the holy books put together, a man is expected to do the fending. A man's role is to protect and provide! It is cruelty for a man to allow his pregnant wife go to work while heavy just so she can fend for him and the family they both created! It is cruelty for a man to expect that after they've both sat through traffic on the way back from work, the woman should run straight into the kitchen and prepare dinner while he lounges on the coach with eyes glued to the TV waiting for dinner to be served! It is the highest height of cruelty in a marriage for a woman to go through labor to deliver babies and still be expected to work her ass out to feed, clothe and fend for them while the man who fathered the children is alive and able bodied! Women, stop stomaching the bullshit! Unless we stand up to put a stop to it, I assure you it will continue! Unless we wake up from our reverie and challenge this fast growing trend, our sons will grow up and copy it! As mothers and nurturers, we owe it to our children, even those yet unborn to make a conscious effort to raise our sons right. Teach them to protect their sisters and not bully them! Teach the basic housekeeping and not over indulge them at the expense of their female siblings, afterall when the go to live on campus as undergraduates, their sisters won't be there to pick up after them, wash their plates or cook their meals! Teach them that hard work pays! Teach them that hitting at a girl is totally unacceptable so they grow up to men who'd NEVER HIT THEIR WIVES! Teach them t obey the laws of the land and not to cut corners! Teach them basic social acceptable behaviour! Do not leave the outcome of your children to chance. The time to start to act is now! Remember, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world! #IamEverywoman

BringingBackWomenDignity

Comments 4

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helen.ng
May 01, 2016
May 01, 2016

Hello Austina,

I completely agree with you in that boys get to experience more freedom, while women are trapped in a vicious cycle that prohibits them from being an independent leader, due to the deeply rooted stereotypes and prejudices originating in history. It is the 21st century and it is time for these cycles to be eliminated from our global community. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, especially in developing countries, where the majority of individuals are not adequately educated about the power and influence women can have. In male-dominated societies, it is also difficult to educate them and try to change their behaviours, prejudices, misconceptions, and abuses against women. Women are beautiful, kind, smart, and full of wondrous potential, and they should not be told otherwise. They are not to be physically, emotionally, mentally, or verbally abused. We need more male role models who will take a stand against and speak out against these everyday atrocities. Only then will other men and individuals follow their example.

Austina, I stand with you.

#IAmEveryWoman

With kindest regards,

Helen Ng

Austina
May 01, 2016
May 01, 2016

Helen, it all boils down to upbringing! That's why this post is addressed to my fellow women. Women nurtured these stereotypes in time past because they grew up being everyday inundated with the patriarchal influence of society. Only women can therefore break this emerging trend by training and teaching the boys of today who will be men tomorrow the basics of respect, value for human life, dignity of labor, the need to imbibe the right attitude towards women and most of all, to see women as equals not inferiors. It's a re orientation and a process of un learning those things which our mothers accepted and handed down to us without questioning.

Olaoluwa Abagun
May 05, 2016
May 05, 2016

Dear Austina,

You have raised so many valid points...from the root cause of the issue to the sad manifestations of entitlement ideology by many men.

The fire of Patriarchy is burning wild! Where I find it appalling is when people advise married women who earn more than their husbands to shrink themselves, live a lie by making it look like their husbands earn the bulk of the cash, and even go as far as publicly giving the man credit for clothes, shoes, and school bills paid for with her hard earned cash! Society is one warped space that stands by a lot of invalid, yet deeply rooted beliefs.

For me, I think the best solution is a mindshift of adolescent girls. The older generation is too confused and contradictory to work with, especially on this issue of kicking out patriarchy. Let us invest in these younger girls to enable them change their attitudes and take charge as tomorrow's women who understand that they are ENOUGH and COMPLETE with or without men.

I really appreciate you for sparking this conversation. I'll be looking out for more of this amazing stuff :D

Austina
May 05, 2016
May 05, 2016

Thank you sister Ola. May our passions find expression. Have a beautiful evening