I kept thinking for many days that to whom actually I am thankful for what I am today. Now when I have my own identity, I am independent and I can lead my life even I have some people who love me, my journey and get inspired from my achievements. Who should I give credit for? Many people, incidents came in my mind but I kept thinking about my life to find out actual person or actual turning moment. Finally I found some very important points and start writing.
There is a list of people, things, and moments to be thankful for but THAT MAN has the contribution more than anyone or anything else.
I, Aysh Khan belong to a lower middle class family living in small town of Pakistan. Being elder sibling in my family and death of my father in my childhood made me responsible in my early teens. I am the first girl in family who graduated from a big university of my province and doing a job as HR manager of a big car rental company of Pakistan. According to my job nature, I have to encounter to men all the time.
May be for a reader, it’s not a big thing but when you will know the whole story, you surely will agree with me that it was a big achievement besides every other thing I do. Because being a pioneer is the hardest thing. You start doing a tough thing to make it easy for next generation but people may judge you, may speak badly about your character and do every possible thing which can stop you from doing which no one dares to do before you.
I had dream of higher studies and being successful even when my father was alive. I don’t know why I was different, why I never made myself agree for getting married in early age even when all my female cousins were getting married maximum by 16 or 18, I could not find myself fit in that red dress so early. I loved to talk to people who have wise conversations which consist of educational activities and leading their lives in any way. I remember I was 10 and in 5th standard when I listened my father was discussing my mother about my marriage in some years. I was completely in shock but my mother tried to convince him that she is getting very good marks in school so let her study until she wants. He kept silence for a while and then said, ok I don’t mind if she wants to study but get her admission in any government school because my earning cannot afford her study expenses. My mother followed what he said.
So first of all, I am thankful to my mother for that effort she did. If she did not speak that time, my journey would never start at all.
As there were no tuitions for me after school, I worked hard on my own. I never hesitated to ask question from teachers. Mostly students in government schools are scared of teachers and don’t ask anything which confuses them because they think that teachers will do mind and may abuse or beat them. But my thinking was that I have no other source at home to clear concepts so I have to ask. My teachers said my mother that your daughter is like a question paper. She always has something to discuss about and she wants to talk about lessons all the time.
I was in 7th standard when my mother requested my teachers that not to let her participate in school events as we can’t afford relevant dresses for every event. But teachers replied her that “She herself gives name for every speech, poetry, singing, acting, dancing competition and performs well. How can we stop her and destroy her abilities? How can we be so injustice towards her talent and let her fall in self complex. She will start thinking that just because I am poor; they are not allowing me to participate. You can send her in any dress you have but do not stop her.”
I am really thankful to my school teachers as they were not typical government school teachers. They always welcomed my questions, encouraged me in every positive activity and gave me the confidence that I can fly as high as I want.
In 8th standard, my father died with liver cancer. My mother was suffering from a big loss (mentally and financially) and people started advising her to stop my education so that I would learn house hold activities and with the help of some relatives, I may get married soon and her burden would be less. But she repliedthat first her education is not a burden as its free already and second she is performing good so why would I stop her education and marry her so early, when she is not even aware of meaning of marriage and responsibilities. I am not that mad to change her success into failure.
I have read some days before “A single mother has a back of iron and a heart of gold” and it totally applies on my mother. She always gave me freedom and supported me for everything. And I really can’t thank her enough for taking stand for me every time when the world was against me. She silenced everyone who tried to malign my character by saying that she is my daughter and only answerable to me and God. None of you has a right to judge her just because she is not like you or she does not follow what you ask for.
After completing my intermediate, there was no source of free education so I thought that now its end of my studies. Here the turning point came; one of my male cousins took responsibility of my university education. He himself did MSc (Banking & Finance) from a big university of Pakistan. People tried to convince him to arrange money for my marriage; but he completely disagreed with this idea. Then they asked him to at least arrange her admission in girl’s college, not in a university because there is coeducation and it’s not good for a girl to study with boys. He replied, her mother trusts and it’s enough. He took a big step to get me admissionin a degree which ultimately led jobs in business or banking sector where male colleagues are more than female colleagues. At that moment, with this step he made clear to all those people that he will keep supporting me forever.
We often listen that there is always a woman behind a man’s success. In my case, it’s vice versa. I do not disown my mother’s efforts. She did every possible thing but she did it because I expected her to support me. If she did not do so, I would definitely get hurt. But in my cousin’s case, I did not expect anything and it was not his responsibility to finance my education. He was getting married in same year and he knew that his personal responsibilities are going to increase but even then he offered his money for next four years. My mother told him that I can’t afford her education and he replied that only your permission is required, rest I will manage. I did not have much knowledge about BBA (Hon’s) then but today I know that he chose best for me. He even could choose some less expensive course and can get good name by supporting an orphan girl’s education but his intention was not to get good name in the eye of others. He only wants me to excel and make me competent enough to tackle my problems so after getting degree; I would not have to look towards anyone for financial support, not even towards him. He said to his mother that I want her to be as educated as I am and as successful as I am.
Out of all people who contributed in my success, I give my biggest thanks to that man. He made efforts for me at the time when I was not sure about anything regarding my future. We need more men like him who are so passionate about girl’s education and independency, who are so selfless that never demanded anything in return, not even prayers. But every part of my heart prays for him. Today I do job and I know that I hardly meet my expenses through my salary. So while he was getting married and entering into a new phase of life, taking such big responsibility was a decision, I can’t thank in words ever. His vision about me made what I am today. If I am able to write this story and presenting myself, he is the reason.
In my first semester, one day I called him crying and told that everybody is blaming my character and torturing my mother by saying that she has admitted her daughter to a place where boys and girls study together. They say that I am involved in wrong activities there. It is hurting a lot me and my mother. He listened calmly and replied “ Look Sister, It is a universal rule, whenever and wherever one dares to do something different, he/she will be opposed because people start feeling insecure of that person. Truth has three phases, At First, it would be completely denied. At second stage, People start accepting it. And at last stage, they start appreciating it. Now it depends on you, you want to quit it on first stage orwith your strength; you want to take it at last stage. And for that, you only have to work hard and replying them not by words but with your success.”
After that call, I never cried for people’s words and just kept moving. I give biggest credit and thanks to him because even after doing intermediate, it was impossible for me to get good job. And in all those years of my professional degree, he never made me feel that sending money is being tough for him. He was always on time whenever I needed it for semester fee, books and any other study requirement. He never even demanded the bills, he trusted me blindly. I have been graduated since 2012, I did multiple jobs till now and supporting my family and financing my sister’s education. Now she does not have to encounter all the problems which I did. And now when a girl talks about getting admission in any university, no one blames her that she has a bad character. Rather it is appreciated now because I stayed strong in all these years and proved all of them wrong.
Lastly, I also thank to those people who discouraged me because I took their discouragement and blames as challenge and motivation. I had eager to prove all of them wrong so I kept moving and worked hard towards education. If those people did not try to weaken me, I would never know my strengths. I took the responsibility of my family and never wasted a single day staying idle. Now when they give my example to their daughters and even to sons, I feel so proud inside and I believe that this is my actual success besides the salary I receive.
I want my story to reach every person out there so if any girl is facing such problems, she may get motivation and if any man has sourcesto support education at any level, he may start doing it selflessly.