An Orphan today,a wonderful parent tommorrow

Basudha Modak
Posted November 18, 2019 from South Africa
Spreading out our thought,mobilising the community
Spreading out our thought,mobilising the community : Till we listen,we will not understand ,what shapes us and others,to be what we become. (1/1)

I am a 12,year old orphan girl,.I stay in a well known orphanage and so am amongst the privileged few to go to a good school and have a social worker and mentor to take care of my needs.

I sometimes do sit and wonder,do I have parents who are alive ?Then I am  just lost and not an orphan.Or there are family members who are looking for me while I am stuck here, lost.

I don't know my birthdate but together with all the other children here,we celebrate our founding day as our birthday.

We always meet  many rich kids ,mostly since the last few years..They come to celebrate their birthday with us and bring many costly gifts and lots of food to eat.We eat some and take away some for later.

Sometimes they take us for outings,movies or visit to historical places .They take photos with us asking us to be happy and smile .

What they don't understand is we feel so jealous of them,holding their parents hands,getting hugs,being fed with so much love.

And such times  always we have plates bulging with food placed in front of us ,and we get a pat in the head,like a little puppy ,and oh don't forget the goody bag of treats.

When I was younger,I was send to foster homes,to increase my chances of getting adopted.I almost always had a room of my own or shared it with a girl my age. I had new clothes,toys and enough food as and when I felt like eating .But no one likes talking to me much,I was the little brooding girl .I saw,all the photos on the walls where mine won't hang. The holiday memories they discussed about happy times,where I was never a part .

I knew they were careful while talking to.me,lest I get hurt .I wanted to belong ,be scolded,restricted  but still wrapped in love,like their own kids .

I don't know why I was never the only child in the house,perhaps they needed the foster money,or they thought other children would give me company. 

Sometimes the house kids got jealous because I got their parents  undivided attention and mean things happened.I never retaliated ,but very soon was returned back .I soon hated going to new homes so much.

Everyone assumed I would be happy,no one asked how I felt,moving from houses to houses,always wanting to belong .

I now study very hard to get a successful career soon ,so that I earn enough one day to become a parent permanently to other orphans like me,so that they belong ,and they know they have a home .

#IStandWithHer

 

 

This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

Comments 16

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Lisbeth
Nov 18
Nov 18

Hi Basudha,
I also stand with her #istandwithher , what an interesting story. My dear young lady I can relate to your pain. Am not an orphan but I felt you.
It's not easy as a,b,c,d, however I do know you will get over it.

For now I suggest to study hard, make use of the opportunity that comes your way first. They are a lots of children with parents who hope to get what you have now but can't.

It's not easy but now is not the time to be wandering about your parents. You make lemonade out of lemon. If your parents needed you so much you will not be where you are now?
Or they could have died too. My suggestion to you is work hard towards your future and forget the past. Our future defines us, not our past.
Thanks for sharing her story with us dear. Have a great day.
Warm regards

Basudha Modak
Nov 18
Nov 18

Thank you so much for your heart .You understood what meant.And that is so tough .

Hello Modak, thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel every pain and questions you are asking yourself. One of my deep desires is to be a permanent parent to orphans . I pray all the time for those that God will allow me take care of even if I haven't seen them yet , but I perceive them already. Your story made me to realise some things things we should consider when caring for others. I will like to hear from your experiences more and more . I am here anytime you need someone to talk to. Blessed day

Basudha Modak
Nov 18
Nov 18

Thank you..Yes,we understand the pain of others ,because we are strong women .

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

HI Basudha,
Thank you so much for your post. It is quite emotional and I totally fell your pain. I lost my dad when i was 17 years and it still hurts. But I find strength to live another day in the memories that we shared and the words of wisdom that he left with me. Thank you for sharing and yes #istandwithher

Basudha Modak
Nov 20
Nov 20

Thank you Anita. I can perfectly understand .I stay in a different continent from my father and don't speak for days sometimes and it upsets me a lot .I perfectly Understand your irreplaceable loss.Do reach out to me ,if you just need an ear to listen to .

Jill Langhus
Nov 20
Nov 20

Hi Basudha,

How are you? Is this your story, dear? So sad:-( I can't imagine feeling that lost, and perhaps unloved, too. If this is about you, I hope you now have more than enough love, peace and security to make up for all the sadness in your past dear.

Hope you're doing well, and having a good week, dear.

XX

Basudha Modak
Nov 20
Nov 20

Thank you Jill.
This is the story of a girl I mentor and she is an inspiration for everyone around her.

Jill Langhus
Nov 22
Nov 22

You're welcome!

Oh, I see. I'm glad that you're there for her:-)

lizzymark
Nov 20
Nov 20

Hy love,your dreams will come through. No matter the circumstances its not a limitation to who you are are what you will be. Stay focused and surely you will be that which you set your mind to be.

Basudha Modak
Nov 20
Nov 20

Thank you for feeling her .Sometimes even with our needs fulfilled we still wish only to belong .

Anita Shrestha
Nov 20
Nov 20

Dear Sis
Thank you for sharing

Basudha Modak
Nov 20
Nov 20

Thank you. I know many girls who feel the same. I say girls,because boys react and feel differently ,but change happens only when we support a girl ,as she can be a leader .

Hello, Basudha,

Wow, it is a totally different experience to read this post from a perspective of a 12-year-old orphan. From her eyes, I didn't know this is something she longs for, ".I wanted to belong ,be scolded,restricted but still wrapped in love,like their own kids ." My mother's heart just melt to read these words.

Please do give this brave girl a tight, loving hug from me, dear. Please tell her she is worthy of love and acceptance, and she is whole just as she is. Oh, my. My tears are actually falling.haha.

Thank you for sharing!

Basudha Modak
Nov 20
Nov 20

Thank you Karen.Yes,I cry and I pray that she really becomes what she chose to be ,and that I am there alongside the world,to show she is not alone.I feel for her ,and through World Pulse ,I am spreading her story to others who understand too .

You're welcome, dear sister. I believe she can be as long as she has a support system and good opportunities. Thank you for being there for her. She will not forget your love as long as she lives.

Have a great weekend!