WHAT GIVES ME HOPE

The Challenges of life and all my suffering made me open up to people to seek for advice. In life my mum being alive today and my sickle cell surviving brother gives me hope to struggle and see into it some day I put joy and happiness  on their faces.                                                        Living with a single parent(my mum)  and passing through all the thorns of life has thought me various lesson.At age 9, my 2 sisters and a brother were all abandoned by our dad to our mum alone. That was in my primary school days and upon completing  my mum could not sustain sending us to school because of lack of finances and the constant Ill health of my younger brother. We Were at this stage left with no option than to go hugging at the market just to earn a living. At a 9 and even  entering  10 I was already into hugging  of tomatoes, Maggie, carrots, species, salt and many other perishable  in the market. This was all in the struggle of helping  my family to survive a living and for the sake of my lone Brother  survival. I have and am still suffering so much because of the difficulties  life has placed me. Some times I think life is unfair to me and had at this point lost hope till this faithful sister on Facebook met me and asked I join World Pulse.                    Seeing my classmate going to school I cried  so heavily as I couldn't, but go to sell to help my family. I was left with no choice than to do the selling for the sake of love for my family and also for the fact that I had no option but to do the hugging. My mum not able to sponsor us was insulted upon and people said I was under child Abuse, little did they know the pains we are going through and even those who knew still didn't regard us as anything.Growing up I had this bitter heart to someday when my father comes back address him for what he expose us to in the world and for the humiliation, i had this anger of revenge for him but like said the ways of God are not the ways of man, on October 2016 we were called from the southwest where my father was and informed of his serious  illness how he had been abandoned till death by the people he trusted while away from  his family. My mum was so attached and went to take my father. Our trading and hugging increased more as we were struggling for the help of my father and our only brother. At the close of eachday our  sales were taken  to the hospital with the  dirty and scattered outfit and looks we had just to give money to my mum to food the hospital bills. This to me was the worst times as we barely had something  to eat and the insults became just too much to bare. Despite the struggle my father gave up the ghost on the 11 of November 2016.It was a great lost for us as we didn't even have fatherly care ever in our lives. This poverty has expose us to assault, maltreatment and negletion. Life to me has never put smiles on my face.                                                       I sell even up till now to pay my fees to school after the years at home, my sisters  do same and when my brothers illness starts we have to go sell, food his bills before continuing school. Because of this suffering I was frustrated  and thought  getting married I will help my family with the bride price  and others, Came this man at my age 20;I went into marriage just for my family and also for a modest and descent life. To be honest this life to me for 3 months now has been the worst transition as I am treated with so much hatred, less concern and humiliation  especially  by my husbands sister just because of where I am from. I am considered  from the slums, i am talked to anyhow, insulted and made to think we are the slums and must listen to everything said. Before joining this forum is because I opened  up this pain  to a friend I don't even know and have never seen. She advice me to join and talk out to sisters for counseling  and help. As I write I am in great depression  and heartbreak asking out why this is happening to me. With all this problem I am even more hurt because my family has totally submitted to this family because of the influence of money and how I feel isn't an issue to them again even though deep in thier hearts i know  they feel for me and they are only fighting for survival by submitting  and begging. I have thought  of everything I can do, even to escape, but where will I go with nothing and at my pregnant state. The suffering is too much for me to handle, more so I discovered  at this stage am pregnant. No hope of schooling and having rest or peace.          Sister while some of you are happy and writing in joy, i write in pains of suffering, frustration, negletion and abandoned. I hope I get that self esteem  again to make it through life, all my hopes is lost and I feel so terrible. Please I need your help and assistance  especially  now.                                                              The fact that I am writing and begging for help, the fact that my mum still survive even in begging and humiliation and the fact that my only brother lives inspite of the sickle Cell Condition gives  me hope and courage. Thanks for the chance to write up.