My work in the world

bianca maria
Posted September 30, 2018

I'm Bianca from Malta. When I was 6 years old I was raped for the first time and as a result I felt like nowhere is safe in this world. My dad used to beat my mum up and since I depended on my dad for sustenance I felt like there was no way out of this living hell. These episodes caused me to have a lot of self-doubt as an adult. Fast forward to my 30's I found it hard to find a job and keep it, I had a line of jobs I'd been fired from. The main reason is an underlying belief that I'm not good enough and I don't have what it takes. Recently I was accepted for a new job. I feel settled in my job now, eager to make my contribution. Although I still carry the fears they don't stop me from doing my work in the world.

This story was submitted in response to The Future of Security is Women .

Comments 10

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Tarke Edith
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018

Hi Bianka
Thanks for sharing this sad story on our platform for what happened to you as a child sister you should let go and look ahead for a better future for if you keep on thinking of it you will not make a move thanks again sister

Jill Langhus
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018

Hi Bianca,

Thanks for sharing your sad and vulnerable story. I hear you. I struggled with this same belief for most of my life as well of not being good enough. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people, especially women and girls are plagued with this belief. I'm glad to hear that you feel the fear, but do it anyway, whatever that may be. Have you been able to clear this debilitating belief?

Good luck with your submission, and hope you have a good day!

Olutosin
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018

Hello Bianca, I am happy that you are able to grow and empower yourself to the point of getting a job. You are a great survivor.
You are the best version of ypurself, so you are good enough. You are the best.
Just do your work, put in your best and you will soar higher.
Go and conquer. Nothing stops you.
From a sister from Nigeria.

bianca maria
Oct 01, 2018
Oct 01, 2018

Hi Olutosin, thank you for your wise words, looking ahead is very important now for me, much love sister

annelise
Oct 01, 2018
Oct 01, 2018

Hi Bianca I'm very sorry to hear that. I know how you feel because I know some people who get mad at me and just are very rude and it is not fun. There is still plenty of time recover from what happened but it takes time. I'm very happy to hear that you like the new job and it won't stop you!!!

emma matondang
Oct 03, 2018
Oct 03, 2018

Hi Blanka,
I am very sorry for what happened to you. It's too hard though. But my sister, Forgive yourself then others. I know to forgive will not change the past but can change your future. Empty the cup then be ready to fullfilled it with new life, new thought. There still some nice men around, so go for it.

Lisbeth
Oct 05, 2018
Oct 05, 2018

Hi Bianca,
Take heart and all will be well. We all know rape is the most devastated thing that can ever happened to a woman.

Its okay to also doubt at this point but I tell you we still got few men angels on earth :-) and remember time will erase all hurt.

Take care
Liz

Beth Lacey
Jan 13
Jan 13

You are important- you do matter. Good luck

Juliet Acom
Jan 21
Jan 21

Hi Bianca,
It is sad what happened to you as a child.
I want to encourage you that our past does not define our future.
You are alive today for a greater purpose and to be a tool for change.
Your own experience will help end violence against women and children.
Thank you for speaking out

Hello, Bianca,

Thank you for being brave to share your story. I do understand what you went through. I’ve been there, too (although my childhood was more or a psychological and physical abuse). Whenever I make a mistake, my mind concluded I’m a failure. It’s a long process of healing and unlearning and affirming myself. It’s true what they say, “It’s easier to raise strong children than heal broken adults”.

Kudos to you for fighting hard to overcome the self-doubt everyday. I’m glad that you are where you are now. Stay strong!