I have a love and hate relationship with pure bliss and life's contentment. I keep on coming back to that dark past and events in my life are recurring. I realized I have not emancipated myself from the fear of rejection, of loneliness, of being unwanted. And everytime I do things intended to overcome my fear, intended to make me feel happy, intended to run away from pains, I only end up experiencing events I resent most. Everytime I resent, I become the subject of my resentment. My life in the past three years have been difficult. My involvement in the local government's Gender and Development Program is the only engagement that holds my feet on the ground. December of last year, I made a conscious decision to pick up myself and start to focus my mind on what I really want. I have been tired of repeating the same mistakes. But when I look at the cause of my pains, I am hesitant to forego simply because I am not yet ready. And there are pains too, of which I am not in control. I decided then to change my attitude towards the situation. Maybe this will be easier for now rather than feeling completely devastated of my decisions to change what I could hopelessly change. For the first time, I took New Year's Resolution seriously. For the first time, I plotted a series of events that may lead me to accomplishing my plans. And truly, some areas in my life have ease up. I could feel that the universe conspires to make things happen. Yet, I am still scared. Scared because, I have been here. When starting it is overwhelming, full of enthusiasm. And then left me empty-handed, muted for the failure of anticipations. I cross my fingers and hopeful that at the end of this year, I am fulfilled with visions and goals completed.