New Year's Resolution to Shift Paradigm

blanch1981
Posted March 2, 2016 from Philippines
My 2016 New Year's Resolution

I have a love and hate relationship with pure bliss and life's contentment. I keep on coming back to that dark past and events in my life are recurring. I realized I have not emancipated myself from the fear of rejection, of loneliness, of being unwanted. And everytime I do things intended to overcome my fear, intended to make me feel happy, intended to run away from pains, I only end up experiencing events I resent most. Everytime I resent, I become the subject of my resentment. My life in the past three years have been difficult. My involvement in the local government's Gender and Development Program is the only engagement that holds my feet on the ground. December of last year, I made a conscious decision to pick up myself and start to focus my mind on what I really want. I have been tired of repeating the same mistakes. But when I look at the cause of my pains, I am hesitant to forego simply because I am not yet ready. And there are pains too, of which I am not in control. I decided then to change my attitude towards the situation. Maybe this will be easier for now rather than feeling completely devastated of my decisions to change what I could hopelessly change. For the first time, I took New Year's Resolution seriously. For the first time, I plotted a series of events that may lead me to accomplishing my plans. And truly, some areas in my life have ease up. I could feel that the universe conspires to make things happen. Yet, I am still scared. Scared because, I have been here. When starting it is overwhelming, full of enthusiasm. And then left me empty-handed, muted for the failure of anticipations. I cross my fingers and hopeful that at the end of this year, I am fulfilled with visions and goals completed.

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ARREY- ECHI
Mar 02, 2016
Mar 02, 2016

'If you don't like something, change it. If you cannot change it, change your attitude' Maya Angelou.

I see this attitude change in your post. I can only imagine how harrowing some situations may have been, but changing your attitude and being determined to press foward is the first step to winning the fight. Keep pressing forward. All the best with your resolutions.  

blanch1981
Mar 05, 2016
Mar 05, 2016

Thank you very much Arrey! Your words are affirming my decisions and gut feelings. Thank you!

GetRude
Mar 03, 2016
Mar 03, 2016

Arreu Echi Maya Angelou is one of my favourite authors.

GetRude
Mar 03, 2016
Mar 03, 2016

Blanch, i believe as you make your new years resolution a reality, some things may fall into place and all the best with embracing that change.

blanch1981
Mar 05, 2016
Mar 05, 2016

Hi GetRude! Thank you very much! Yes! Everything has just fallen into places. It's been a process though of humility and acceptance that while I achieved these things I envision, some will be sacrificed.