Exactly on New Year’s Eve, I made an ultimatum for myself. I need to be harsh this time, most especially now that things are getting clearer what I really want for myself.
Despite my constant struggle of survival and self-healing, I am persistent in pushing and pulling myself towards a life goal. I draw a map to guide me in my journey. But most often, I regress and become vulnerable to develop self-pity and insecurities and failures.
The year 2016 was a year of self-discovery for me. I wrote on a paper last year my New Year’s Resolution and even posted it here in World Pulse. The list went on like:
- Read more
- Stress Less
- Detox weekly, enjoy life
- Take a trip
- More love, love more
- Save money
- Get a higher pay
- More productive
- Be selective
- Absolute healing
- _______ less
I was optimistic and manifested a positive outlook that life would be better. And I think I did well last year. The year started with a bang when I got an email from Stephanie Auxier on February 15, 2016 with an opening message:
We are delighted to offer you a spot as a Leader in the Voices of Our Future Training Program!
I knew then life will be different this time.
I met women from the different countries which affect my mood and viewpoint as I went on my journey. I had extreme ups and downs and went a lot of emotional and psychological upheavals in the process. That kind of transition when one leg would be left behind while the other one carries the entire weight of the body. Although I admit that I did not achieve all the things I intend to achieve, that opportunity open my mind to a more daring and bolder step towards self-discovery.
That change in me was provoked when the campaign rounds during the Philippine election in May 2016 created a radical phenomenon putting a man who hailed from Mindanao, a region where I was born and raised, to the highest elected official in the country, the President. For the first time, someone from my place, a place that is almost forgotten and ignored and labeled as a war and poverty-stricken place, gets elected as a President.
I realized then, indeed, nothing is impossible. That occurrence only reminded me, that I too, can change the course of my own story. With faith, compassion, persistence and a clearer mind to do what needs to be done, everything is possible.
These realizations push me harder to think, what an ordinary person like me, could do more for myself and for my country. I realigned my way of thinking and more opportunities came in. One is a new job opportunity that I know would definitely create a more positive impact on me. More than that, it will also bring me back to the place where I grew up and gets educated—Davao City (the place where the Philippine president became the undefeated city official for more than two decades).
Two months before the year 2016 ended, I fulfilled my New Year’s Resolution to take a trip, become selective, be more productive, and get a higher pay. Amazingly, I had the chance to meet and greet different people from various people’s organization whose work are grounded in the grassroots. I travelled places in Mindanao whose stories I only read and heard on TV and newspaper. I was surrounded with workmates who are single mothers and individuals whose point of view on women are far more developed and progressive.
And I am finally home. Every day, I listen to different stories which inspired me to relive my passion. Exchange of ideas is more profound too. Ideas of change, of emancipation, and of transformations.
Yet I know that struggle and great challenges are yet hiding behind the things dear to me. Most especially, I know that I will be dealing again with the terror I have run away 11 years ago. But life is just like that. Taking a little step forward, one at a time. I know I am on the right path.
And with a renewed vigor and vitality, as well as the decision I made for the new environment, I know this will lead to a higher level of consciousness and action.