I Choose Silence to Heal

blanch1981
Posted December 6, 2019 from Philippines

I choose silence. But inside, I am raging.

I choose silence. But no! I speak proudly of you. So proud that makes me feel I don't deserve you.

I choose silence. And I know you think I am tolerating. That I am betraying. That I am weak. 

Maybe, I am weak. 

But don't get me wrong! I am melting every time I read your message. I hide behind doors in deep shame and self-hate every time you come and knock at my door and patiently wait for me to come out. 

And when you left, I cried of anger, of pain, of grief. Blaming myself why I get stuck in a place where I keep on committing mistakes.

And that makes me feel more proud you have gone so far. 

Your success have been my strength. Your achievements give me reason to hope, to believe, and to heal.

Just please bear with me. And have patience.

I owe you this lifetime for making it worthy to live another day.

Because my silence doesn't mean there is nothing left to fight for.

I am just tired. Tired of explaining. Tired of complaining.

My silence means I am still healing.

My silence means I want to accept the choices I made and forgive myself for all its consequences.

My silence means I  don't want to give false pretense.  

Stay standing for me.

Continue to encourage more women and motivate them.

Tell them, "it's ok" if they can't speak yet.

"It's ok" if they are stuck yet.

But, like me, they have to listen and slowly accept the fact that nobody can change their situation if they wouldn't allow people like you to touch them. 

If they couldn't find ways to heal and recover and inspire others to do the same.

Getting out of violence is a journey. 

Finding one's voice takes more courage.

So that, when all the healing is complete, speaking is no longer just inviting.

Speaking will sound like a roar, pushing every girl, every woman, every human being that believes in your cause. Those who clamor, #IStandWithHer, will create a barricade to stop all forms of violence.

Yes, that will happen. That is actually happening.

#IStandWithHer

Comments 10

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maeann
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Hi blanch1981,

Thank you for raising up your voice.

Getting out of violence... it takes time but when one voice rises up together we will create a roaring sound of Stop!!! It is enough!

Anita Shrestha
Dec 06, 2019
Dec 06, 2019

Thank you for raise voice

Lisbeth
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hi dear,
#istandwithyou
Thanks for sharing your poem with us during this 16days.
Regards

Adriana Greenblatt
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hello Blanch1981, nice to meet you! Your words resonated so so deeply for me. We speak when we can and how we can, and the pressure to speak is cast away as we hug each other and share a moment of simply being with what is! Silence I choose is also strength. Strength looks different to different people at different times. Hugs from Montreal, big big hugs,
Adriana #IStandWithHer

Jill Langhus
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Hi Blanche,

How are you doing, love? I hope you're in a better place now? Or, are you saying in this poem that you're in a violent relationship? I can't tell, but I hope that's not what you're saying. Thanks for sharing, and if you would like to include this in the current story call, please use this link, dear:
https://www.worldpulse.com/raise-your-voice/istandwithher

Hope you're doing well and having a good weekend:-)

XX

otahelp
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

Hey Blanch1981 you really put it and said it so well. Silence does not make you weak. it makes you stronger and helps you to heal. only then can you face the world, only then can you talk and some will still chose to remain silence even after healing because speaking about it will open their raw wound. thank you for sharing your thoughts. please keep writing

Beth Lacey
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

I hope you hav continued courage to raise your voice

Paulina Nayra
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019

Dear Blanche,
I can hear your silence, louder than your voice.
You write so well that your emotions swell.
I am with you. Let's stand by each other.

Huggs.

Akshaya9
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019

Hello Blanch

Hope you doing fine. Thank you for sharing your poem dear.

Have a nice day!

Celine
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019

Dear Blanch1981,
Wow! We must learn to raise our voices, speaking out instead of dieing in silence. #IStandWithHer. Together we stand.
Celine