Weaving Stories Together Like Weaving Broken Selves to Heal

blanch1981
Posted December 10, 2019 from Philippines

I joined World Pulse in July 2011 by creating a post starting with the line, "I am twice widowed. I am an incest survivor. I am still 30. And I am enduring all that has been debilitating in what every human being called life."

Today, after eight years and five months, I shall write the line again, "I am twice widowed. I am an incest survivor. I have 2 kids. I loved again and bore another kid, this time living in spectrum. I have a partner but lived like I am a single Mom. My finances are digging a big hole more than enough to bury and cover me. I am already 38. And I am enduring a life I could never imagined I would survive and could still survive."

As we end the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence, I must say, I will never stop fighting. I am tired but will never give up thinking what else we can do together to assert respect and dignity for women-- regardless of who we are and of what we are capable of doing.

And that is, despite the fact that I am confused if I could still survive.

I should have learned to become selfish. 

You know, I grew up thinking only about making sure that our family is intact despite the rage inside me. I grew up making sure that I should be sensitive to other people's needs and provide support when necessary. I grew up making sure I give my all even if I am empty of what they need. 

I would have less burden if only I should think of my own convenience and comfort.

But every time I think of my own challenges, I am being reminded of those women who cannot even determine that their rights are taken for granted. Or cannot speak against because of fear. Fear to lost their job. Fear to be rejected. Fear to be alone. Fear to be labeled as "crazy," "witch," or whatever name that defines their reaction.

When you live in a community where discrimination and insults are normal, where working women, even if already tired upon coming home, extends their strength to do the household chores, where women in position is dependent of the male's decision,  speaking up discomfort seems to be a crime. It is tantamount to allowing yourself to be grilled, for your skin to be peeled off, until you get paralyzed.

I know exactly the feeling of seemingly quitting. And I know as well the feeling of putting your one leg outside the circle and leave the other one inside. That feeling of loss. That feeling of hesitation.

And yes, just like me, we are yet unprepared. 

But while we are unprepared, yet,  I want to gain strength from them. Absorb all their pains at once.

And I want to listen to them. I know they want me to do that.

And I will collect their stories. 

Put them in a position where I could weave them together. Let our stories speak for themselves and allow each line to heal our own pains. Allowing them to transform us into someone that can no longer be jaded.

Perhaps, that is what I can do best for now.  Because I cannot tell them to let go yet.

I know we are on the same ground.

Being unprepared of what will it become if we completely let go now.

I will definitely understand just as how I wish to be understood. 

Yes, until we are all ready.

But for now, we will light a fire, gather on a circle, and share our stories. 

While I shall weave them to make them whole, like weaving our broken selves together.

#IStandWithHer

 

 

This story was submitted in response to Gender-Based Violence.

Comments 7

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Karen QuiƱones-Axalan
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

Hello, dear Blanche,

You are so brave, resilient, and strong to survive the challenges life throws at you. I believe you can survive the coming days, months and the new decade. You're given so much of yourself to others,. I hope you can be "selfish" this time. I just wrote a post, and I dedicate this song to you. I hope it resonates with you. This has been one of my fight songs when I was seeking direction in life: https://www.worldpulse.com/community/users/karen-quinones-axalan/posts/9...

Thank you for sharing! Hugs

maeann
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019

Hi Blanche,

Thank you for sharing. I stand with you.

The challenges you face are something you can use to inspire other women who struggle.

Thank you for writing again! You are much needed to be heard!

I stand with you #IStandWithHer

Jill Langhus
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Hello Dear Blanche,

Thanks for sharing your vulnerable post, dear. I do hope you're doing better and that you will learn to take better care of yourself; make yourself priority. I hope you weave these stories, too, that you mention. Much luck and love in your endeavors, dear. XX

Anita Shrestha
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Dear Sis
Keep it up your effort

Lisbeth
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019

Dear Blanche,
Sorry to hear what you are going through as in the past and present. Please your age age, are you 30or 38? I got confused!
However, I know you are brave and strong. The fight is your alone and you must win. Do not give out! Have a great day and hugs

Akshaya9
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Hi Blanch,
Your such a brave and strong woman to survive the challenges in life from past to present. Continue fighting and be strong.

Take care dear!

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019

Dear Blanche,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have survived the storm and you are now changed and much stronger.
Have a merry xmas and a happy new year.