Created to be: The Real Me!

CarynW
Posted October 20, 2021

Many may be able to relate, some more than others.  The truth is, I believe each and everyone is created with uniqueness. We are all born out of different circumstances, cultures from all over the world to the ends of the earth.  The beauty of it all is that we have our own story to tell.  A story of struggle, a story of life and freedom, a story of bondage, a story of emotion, a story of hope, a story of change and mostly a story that will inspire.  Despite our backgrounds and journey in life our stories are unique and it tells us and shows who we really are.   

My life wasn't hard, my life was rather a tad bit sheltered.  It wasn't the perfect life, yet it was a good life.  Through it all I had my own personal struggles.  An issue of identity, the issue of loneliness and to a degree depression.   I suppose most teenagers go through this phase, however most of mine was carried through part of my adulthood.  I am not the only child but I am the only child, some of you may relate.  I am also the youngest, with a complex personality.  Some may say I suffer from a disorder.  I believe I am wired differently.  A little headstrong,  hard worker and often I can come across as serious.  My inner circle, close family may classify me as the not so light hearted individual, we fails to laugh out loud and can get high on her horse, quick to react.  I admit it's true, I am a reactive person.  I tend to go off really quickly and was often told that because of that I will have it real hard in life.  Internally, I most likely had it hard, it made me become hardworking.  I always felt I needed to be someone, to achieve something because I felt different from the rest of my siblings, at times most times growing up I felt excluded hence my identity issues.  My self confidence may have been low but I stayed faithful and dedicated to working hard and striving towards goals so much as in a way striving towards perfection.  I wanted to be perfect even though I knew nobody was.  Growing up was hard, I was depressed.  I had friends, made them easily but keeping them challenging.  The simplest joke was hard for me to take or crack and I was then compared and often judged for being a certain way.   

As kids we grew up with the values and our family was traditional and followed taught Religion.  Later in life, I discovered or rather came to know Christ on a personal level, on a deeper spiritual level if that makes sense or however one perceives it.  A walked a journey of fruitfulness.  In teachings and discovering a new identity of self.  Many described me as being on fire for Christ/God, living out my purpose.  Yet in my spirituality I still struggled.  I wanted to make something of me, I had obtained my Degree travelled Internationally,  but seek my purpose.  It wasn't paying the bills.  I needed to survive, not just live out a call and I struggled.  I was also questioned and judged but I walked and struggled.  Through this my desire was to walk beside a man faithfully in marriage, yet to this day still single.  Nevertheless searching for me.  Eventually as some say, I fell from grace.  Was put on a pedestal and fell from it.  I had many or even self judgements and started making my own decisions.  Decisions that further led me to be known from being faithfully diligent to almost shameful.  That's how I felt.  Or maybe since I further fallen in the eyes of many I excluded myself.  You see, I found myself in  foreign country expecting twins with an unknown person.   I had many reasons for returning home but then had to face the music of feeling judged and those who I thought would support, were no longer to be seen.  The truth is I most likely judged too. Friends were living past me and on a different level to me, they had their own priorities and then I had mine.  My twin girls, who were on their way.  I went through the emotions and my own reality, with only the support of immediate family, this was difficult to begin . I was going to be a single parent with no fatherly support living with my elderly folks.  I had to deal with this and move on.  Supporting my girls was my number one, my career was also my number one, because I was still passionate about being all and having all.  You see, while I had a Degree, went through a few jobs, started my own business and then traveled and worked and becoming a mom, I still wanted what I always wanted growing up.  To be stable.  To be that person of strength.  So out of my slumber I got and today I am supporting my kids.  Growing up I did not have that elaborate lifestyle, I still do not this day.  I was much reserved in my ways and in some ways kept back, scared to explore, go out completely and be free.  I suppose that sheltered life left me to remain cooped inside myself and be afraid to a point of depression and self doubt.  To be honest I still live that life but it's expected as we are living in covid times which are trying times.  I mean the fact that I have not explored my hometown and I have my own car shows I fear certain things, as I wont do them alone.  But back to reality.  My life has changed… I believe for the good.  I have job security (yet still working on my business), Despite COVID 19, I am exploring the outdoors ( not at max level, but enjoying places I haven't been, not alone though) I am doing more now then when I was trying to please and search for meaning.  I am progressing further.  Doing online studies, exercising, little adventures, my partner and kids.  Work and kids take up most of my time but that's OK.  This is me, this is my journey.  A working progress. 

Life is teaching me new things each day.  I am happier now, stressed but not depressed.  Back then and maybe many will describe me for being miserable but who am I?

Aspired Business Influencer

Encourager

Mother

Helper

Supporter

Strong Will

Dedicated/Passionate

Reflector

Partner

Writer

  I am who I say I am.  I am a fighter, conqueror, a believer.  

I know that everyone's story is not the same but as women we share STRENGTH and POWER.  We have what it takes to be and become all that we want to be.  It all is found from within.  No matter who you are, or where you come from.  You are UNIQUE and DESIGNED TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU!!! You are created to be YOU....  

And so this is the Real ME….. 

Trust you are inspired and that this brings hope and light into your lives! #DISCOVERYOU

 

 

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 2

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megsmueller
Oct 22
Oct 22

Greetings to you and a very warm welcome to World Pulse! Thank you for providing this doorway into your life journey. Very powerful and inspiring first story. We are so happy that you have joined us here. Here we are connected by our hearts and voices! Please keep on sharing...

Much love!

maeann
Oct 22
Oct 22

Welcome to World Pulse CaryNW. Your story is your power!

I am struck of the word you said and I quote "i am stressed but not depressed" Being stress is part of being busy but not allowing ourselves to be ruined by depression. Life is beautiful and there is always something to be grateful in our life.

Thank you for sharing, looking forward to read more of your advocacy in life.