A Different Kind of Violence

Chinyere Kalu
Posted February 8, 2020 from Nigeria
Another Kind of Domestic Violence
Another Kind of Domestic Violence (1/1)

I had added my secondary school friend to our Whatsapp group where after 29 years of leaving school everyone onboard was super excited to comment and travel back in time .

We cracked jokes  and called one another by their nickname.It was beautiful coming together online again.Yet for weeks on end my friend who was also my classmate never commented.

One day i decided to call the number with which i had added her on the group,it rang and she pivked.

After the pleasantries i asked why she was not talking on the class group.Initially, she said nothing.Then i reminded her that i work with women and she could confide in me.She then opened up.She said her husband of more than 20 years took another wife 7 years ago and got the new wife an apartment leaving her and her kids in their house.He visits once in two weeks and each time he came around he demanded for het phone and goes through her call log, messages and social media handles.

He was looking for any vonversation that he could latch on to send her packing.She is not empowered as he refused she should work or do any serious business.

My friend fears if he sends her packing she may not be able to pay her children through school.

She fears she might be throxn out  like her mum and a step mother bringing up her children.

My friend has been intimidated into silence.

My friend has lost that life in every enthudiastic living person.

My heart broke for my friend. I could only help by adding her to an online vocational training group where she might learn a thing or two to empower her.

Women! Never get so beaten up by life to loose your self esteem.Domestic Violence is not just physical , but emotional, psycological and financial.

He forbids her from visiting even her family and no one visits her.She is dying slowly but does not know.

I pray i can prep her up to the point that she can become fearless and truely live.

I feel for my friend.

This story was submitted in response to Gender-Based Violence.

Comments 20

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Hello, Chi,

You are right that gender-based violence is not just physical abuse, but also emotional, financial, and even spiritual. I am glad you were discerning about your friend. Just by giving her a listening ear, you have helped unburden herself by being her safe space. It's terrible that women feel trapped in marriages like this. We only have few years to live, and to spend a lifetime in abuse is a living hell.

I hope your friend will find courage to speak up or do something about her situation. You did well, dear. Keep it up!

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Sis! Life is really too short to make it a living hell.

You're welcome, dear. I agree!

Elizabeth Ziro
Feb 08
Feb 08

This happens everywhere but what hurts most is if it is someone you know, I feel you and it has made me nervous. Thank you for taking the initiative, you called and learnt what was the reason behind her silence, many would just ignore and say let her stay..you even went ahead to enrolling her to online vocational training, so kind of you. I pray and hope she finds a way out from the situation she is in.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Sis! Couldnt just hear her story and not act. May God help us to do more!

laison sylvie
Feb 09
Feb 09

Its a pity what that sister is going through, she needs a trauma therapist to rebuild her self confidence. Do you have a social affaires office in your area where she can get help? She really needs help. Soon depression will set in and then suicide options start coming to her head. I have dealt with a similar case please please try your possible best to help her out of this.

Ekitah
Feb 09
Feb 09

Hi Chinyere!
Thanks for sharing the different forms of violence and for the concern for your friend. Its so touching i pray you may be of help remove her from that truma. Stay blessed.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Sis! I hope so too.

Anita Shrestha
Feb 09
Feb 09

Thank you for sharing this nice things, please do continue.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

You welcome!

Nene Nkengla
Feb 09
Feb 09

This is really bad. Our society has become something else. I pray God gives you the strength to help your friend pass through this tough time.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Sis! I pray so too.

Dr Jackie
Feb 10
Feb 10

Hi Chinyere, for sure this is a form of violence....financial violence against women is a very common thing. Feeling the pain of your dear friend is such a kind thing. Our fellow women who are not empowered need us dearly. No woman deserves to be treated the way she is being treated. But I am hopeful because I know what she will do when she finally becomes empowered. That day will come and we will celebrate with the both of you.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

I believe that day will come too but i pray it wont be too late.
Thanks for your comment Sis.

Felicitas Wung
Feb 10
Feb 10

Oh that's pathetic. Thank God for you that you showed her some concern and even introduced her to a something that could empower her.
Truly violence is being experienced in so many ways.
Dear Chinyere keep encouraging her. For that's not the end of the world.

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks a million!

Felicitas Wung
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks for sharing my dear.

Endale Edith
Feb 11
Feb 11

Hello Chinyere,

I appreciate you for standing up for your friend. It's really a sad reality and the best decision you made was to sign her up for an online empowerment class. Thank you for assistance and keep forging ahead!

Chinyere Kalu
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks Sis!

Wukwen Destiny
Feb 14
Feb 14

Thanks Chinyere for sharing this she might feel weak , fearful but you have her the courage to overcome and achieve what she deserves. It is hard but once she gets out she will be able to live freely and get back the control which was once taken.