Unconditional Mother's Love

Posted January 29, 2015 from Philippines
Mother's Love
Alita and her kids
Alita and her kids : During the May Flower festival last May 2014 (1/1)

Ano ang patay?(What is death?) chorus the 3 boys.

Cristy, the group’s secretary was shocked with the question and fumbled to find the right words to explain the children the meaning of death.

Ano yung kabaong?(What is a coffin?)Bakit nakahiga si Nanay sa kabaong? (Why is mother lying inside a coffin?)Bakit hindi sya sa kama na lang mahiga?(Why can’t she just sleep on the bed?)

Again Cristy lostwith words and when she almost cannot control her emotions and in the brink of crying, she changed the topic.

The boys did not go to school yesterday, the morning of their mom’s unexpected death. They said their father cried a lot last night and hit the wall but they have no idea what happened, they didn’t cry. They have no concept of loss or death. They were happy, laughing, joking when we came over and casually telling where their mom is like she’s just really sleeping.

Alita, the mom, was a strong woman in my opinion in spite of what the others say about her. I only met her towards the end of last year and I was impressed, she was tenacious, she knows what she wants for her children and very patient in taking care of 4 boys and 3 of them are visually impaired with physical deformities of the trunk and upper limbs. When you understand their situation, you will understand why she fight strongly to get what’s due for her children times three.

Now she’s dead.

What will happen now to the family she left behind?

The irony of the situation was that not long ago her family was featured in an afternoon social service show where Alita kept on talking about“I am training them to look after themselves because I cannot be with them all the time”like a premonition of an impending demise and the host mentioned about the parents getting old and the children are very independent and are joy to have because they bring home the medals for their parents but the reality is they will still need help from someone. (Watch the show hereMutya ng Masa).

Two weeks later the children are motherless. She’s gone like what she just said in the TV.

Because there is no money, Alita told her husband to not bother to bring her to the hospital and just used a nebulizer to help her breath until after 3 days, at night she just said I can’t go on anymore and collapsed and eventually died. Neighbors helped them get funeral services and prepare her for the wake.

How much would have cost to go and get her hospitalized? If only ...

I heard of it late afternoon yesterday. Was in shock, I don’t want to believe it, I just saw her a month ago and we were even chummy because she was so grateful of all the help given to them by the group and I was happy to know that because that completely dispel all the negative thoughts I have of her based on the stories of other people who doesn’t like her. So we called someone who can confirm before we send out the news to the others — it was true and my friend and I were dumbfounded and immediately our thoughts went to the 3 children with disabilities.

What will happen to the children?

Who will now fight for her children’s rights?

It breaks my heart thinking about the children, the real world is cruel.

When I actually saw them last night I have to pull back and not cry because I felt pity – yes pity for the children and a lot of question rushed in my head for when she’s finally laid to rest.

When the children realize there’s no Nanay to wake them up and help them get ready to school everyday and wait for them to go home, how will they react? Will they finally understand the meaning of death?

When they don’t hear their mother’s familiar voice, will they realize she’s not waking up from resting?

Will they finally cry?

Their father will now have to look after all of them on top of his job driving a tricycle earning pittance I must say. They said relatives would come and mourn with them, will they talk about the children’s future?

It’s really hard to know what will happen tomorrow. We cannot do anything but to wait for the situation to settle and for the family to realize their situation. For now all we can do is to pray for her soul and for the future of the family she left behind.

For Alita … may your soul rest in peace!

Comments 4

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Jan 31, 2015
Jan 31, 2015

I just read the post about Alita and her boys, husband, her passing.  What is death? was always a mystery and fascination to me as a child.. and continues to be as an adult.  I have volunteered with the organization Hospice in the USA, where we learn to be with people who are dying and their families.  Yet, with the passing of some very close friends in my lifetime, a parent and many friends who have significant losses I will never understand "life" and "death", so need to acknowledge it, and find peace in trusting it will take us where it must.   The story of Alita's boys is so moving. Mama is sleeping, when will she wake? When will they realize that she will not be waking?  Beautifully written.  One thing we know, children are resilient and these children will navigate their own paths as they grow and make their own sense out of the loss of their mother, and no doubt carry on and incorporate into their lives her love and strength.  Thank you for sharing.

Feb 21, 2015
Feb 21, 2015

Thank you for your comment. I agree with you, indeed children are resilient and I am sure they will overcome the loss of their mom but I can help but feel sad thinking how living with disability in the Philippines is -- still a big challeng. The reality will strike once the hype have subside and I hope some other relatives will take off from where their mother had left them. 

Yvette Warren
Feb 02, 2015
Feb 02, 2015

Your words have made me wordless. 

Feb 21, 2015
Feb 21, 2015

Thank you for the comment. I just have to tell their story ... it's too heartbreaking to be kept inside and I want to share that mother's love is priceless.