Dearly beloved ...

coolasas
Posted April 20, 2015 from Philippines
Marriage
... till death do us part.

Marriage is supposed to beone of the best transition a man and woman can have in their lives. Finding the one to spend your life with is something every one of us desire because we are a creature for companionship and we are of course capable to express love.

But what if the marriage becomes an escape because you find yourself pushed to the wall and the only way to get out is to marry the man you're with?

The youngest sister of my best friend is in such situation, good thing they love each other so much they are willing to get through their situation together in spite of the challenges faced now and in the future. I say that because her family does not accept her boyfriend because he is of different religious affiliation and from a broken family.

Is that ground to prevent two people expressing their love for each other? Do they (the family) should weigh in their own agenda in the couple's relationship?

Personally I have nothing against mix marriages be it religion or ethnicity and definitely does not discriminate if they come from a broken family - children are never to be blame for the separation of two consenting adults but (of course) they are the ones that suffer a lot.

Let's call my friend's sister Rikki, they come from a big family of 7 sisters and 1 brother and very religious family from their mom's side. They pride themselves to be very straightforward when it comes to marrying from other religion -- they don't like the person immediately, don't care to know who that person is because they don't worship the same god.

Of the 2 sisters that are married, one married to a catholic and one to someone from their own faith. The only brother is also married to someone from another religion but converted to their religion. The rest of the older sisters are not married.

The marriage of the sister to someone from their own religion was attended by the whole family, while the other sister married to the catholic was snubbed by their mom and the rest of the sisters. Only the dad, brother and my family witnessed the wedding (she is my best friend since birth after all). The brother when he got married, it was clear that the future wife will convert so they tolerated and attended with an attitude.

Now the youngest, Rikki, the 8th child is involved with a great guy but of different religion. He was never welcomed even with the show interest to convert. Rikki's siblings and mother's mind are set to make it difficult for them to be happy together. It reached to a point where they throw her out of the house for going home late and not asking permission. Let me tell you that Rikki is in her late 30's, she's not very young, a savvy business woman and very independent -- she do what she likes and that irritate the other women in her house.

Now I learned from Rikki that she and her boyfriend will get married earlier than planned because the situation in her house is becoming unbearable, listening to the accusations of her sisters and mother is becoming too much. Her only consolation is her dad, who understands her and support whatever decision she has in her life.She knows he is the one, they will get married eventually with all the trappings of a dream wedding but that has to be sacrificed to escape her old life and start a new one with the person she love and let time heal old wounds.

When she told me she's getting married I didn't see the twinkle in her eyes, I saw sadness. Didn't hear the excitement of the announcement, instead I hear and feel frustration. I feel sad for my younger sister, and all I can offer was my commitment to be here for her and support whatever she decide likea sister.

When we finished talking and Rikki left, I started to think about thefeelingsof women in similar situation, those persecuted for choosing to love unconditionally, worst those persecuted by their own family in the guise of morality and religion.

Regardless of religion, ethnicity, race, beliefs we are all the same human capable to express our feelings the way we want to.

I do.

Comments 3

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Damilola Fasoranti
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015

Coolasas, this trend has always been and I see it more in recent time. The level of interaction within the global sphere is increasing and love is found by many people in different places around the world.

We have been somewhat chained by culture and such things. Our prejudice and bias stand so erect in our decisions and interactions.

A friend related something similar to this to me just last week. My friend is stinkingly in love with this other man, but her family will never agree. She intend to convert this guy by all means. They aren't ready to let go of each other. It is a difficult situation for them right now.

I believe, it is a matter of time, our perceptions about many things will change, especially if we can begin to understand the uniqueness of Love and multiculturalism.

This is such a touching challenge and I pray that true love will bind these folks together through the thick and thin.

Thanks for sharing.

coolasas
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015

Thank you Fasoranti for your insights in this situation. 

I don't have many friends who were not allowed to marry the people they want in their lives. Though this is not the first time with the same family, I am just surprised that with the education and the social network we belong to there are people who have such narrow minded to accept that they cannot control what other people, here is their sister feel and want to do.  I feel for your friend too, and all the other women who are persecuted because they choose to love and to pursue it.  I hope like you that one day situations will be different for every women -- to have more choices and to be able to pursue those choices especially in the alley of LOVE and multiculturalism. 

Keep Rikki in your thoughts. 

Alyssa Rust
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015

 Dear Coolasas,

Thank you so much for sharing this post. This is something that I don’t think is talked about enough. There are so many countries and communities where mixed marriages are not supported or encouraged whether it is the individuals have different religions, different ethnic backgrounds, different skin colors or different social classes.

It is a hard choice for anyone to have to pick between the relationship they have with the one that they love or with their family members but there comes a time when you have to step back and evaluate the situation as if you were an outsider. As I read your story I almost felt as though I was reading a story about my own life because I am also in this situation and have had to evaluate my own choices.

For the last three years I have been in a relationship with someone who has a different nationality and who is of a different ethnic and rational background and my family has not been very open to the idea. I have had to make a hard decision which has caused my relationship between myself and family to become more distant because at some point I realized that although my family my not agree, they have continued to support me in other aspects of my life. I have also realized that at some point you begin a new path with a new person in your life. This path is your own and of your own choosing. It might be scary and it might have negative effects on your relationship with your family but ultimately it is still your path. The path that you decided that the path and that will bring you love and happiness and the path that will bring you to the next phase of your life.

I wish Rikki the best and hope that this path she has chosen will bring her happiness and joy and that her family will eventually see that although they may not agree with her choice they have to let her walk her own path in life and support her because parents want to see their children happy.

Thank you for sharing this story and for creating an important discussion that should be occurring more often as the world does become more diverse and mixed.

Sincerely,  Alyssa Rust