I Thought I Rode It Well: My Emotional Journey While Recovering from My Physical Injury

coolasas
Posted May 20, 2018 from Philippines
Life
Color RotaRun
Color RotaRun (1/2)

I declare, and I am confident to say I am better now.

It has been 4-months since I had my accident and eight weeks in my recovery my doctor already confirmed that my bone healing was done, the bone had fused beautifully. So, this morning I went out on my own without assistive devices to join friends celebrate "fun run." I went for the fun because running is not yet for me. I am still in rehabilitation, and I am giving my self another 3-months to completely heal meaning gaining full range of ankle movement, improvement of my overall strength and normal sensation on the affected foot. 

But my journey was never easy. I thought being a physio myself it would not be difficult - I would ace everything and will not be affected by my situation emotionally. I was wrong big time! 

Read through my blog post on my emotional roller coaster ride while counting the days since I had the accident. 

My Road to Recovery Is Bumpy, Now that I Am Thinking of It

“Walk on your yellow brick road. If you can’t find one, spray paint your way into happiness. If that doesn’t work, buy yellow shoes.” ― Sadiqua Hamdan, Happy Am I. Holy Am I. Healthy Am I.

Entering the fourth month of my recovery means that I am almost there. In fact, according to the textbook, I am past the 3-month bone healing process, I should be on my way to walking independently until fully recovered

My last radiographic imaging showed that my bones were healing well. They were aligned perfectly, and my doctor gave me very positive commendation on how much progress I am making. He might just see me once a month instead of two, and that is a good sign, right?

When I say fully recovered means, more flexibility in my left ankle and no more swelling. But I still have both and yesterday when I attended my therapy session it made me appreciate more the small changes I observed in me.

In the last months, I suffered what you will call "psychological breakdown." Nothing serious where I need to seek professional help, I guess living with my family helps breaks my downward plunge but then if I am alone I am not able to do anything productive except maybe read a lot of books and start this blog.

It happened when I thought I made a mistake in my attempt to recover early. I told you I am my own worst patient and I didn't follow my prescription and pushed myself too much. When I was not entirely satisfied with my therapy sessions, not getting good results, I increased my home treatment.

One day I started to feel pain when stepping on my left foot and attempted walking, I thought I was just tired and iced it. It didn't improve with ice and rest; even when I put on my aircast, I still felt pain when I put my foot down. Got more worried when I was not able to do proper gait training during my therapy session because of pain. I reported to my doctor, anticipating I made my situation worst and all knowledge and reasons I know are thrown out of the window!

No, it was brought on by me still walking on partial weight bearing, and my forefoot and longitudinal arch are tight. All my doctor did was stretch it, it was painful, but it helped as if I didn't have pain after all.

With that painful episode, it became a trigger for me to be getting down and worried, thinking about how pathetic my life is and replaying how I came to be in this situation. I noticed a trigger ... the thought of work, of some name or words related to my life before the accident triggered these melancholic episodes that made me dive in and swim in "self-pity". I wrote about it in my other blog Bouts of frustrations, boredom and a little bit of self-pity

So what now?

I am trying to crawl back out. To get back into looking at what I needed to do and finish what needs to be done soon.

My spirit actually lifted because of 4 degrees increased in my dorsiflexion. It means that I have 6 more degrees to go to reach the full range of 20. That motivates me to be more positive and do more careful exercises at home not that I also decreased my therapy sessions. I am trying again to be the good patient as I could be.

Additionally, I decided its time to be functionally independent in self-care. It means I am doing it alone overcoming the fear of slipping again and planning on my new shower routine without breaking my bones. That's for another blog.

Additional reading 

Battle Marks … Scars Define How We Lived Our Lives

Falling In The Cracks 

#MentalHealth

#Disability

 

Comments 13

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Olutosin
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018

I am so happy to read about your steps of faith. Little by little, you are progressing. Thanks for sharing your journey of recovery with us here.

coolasas
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018

Hello Olutosin,
Thank you for the message. Indeed, little by little I am progressing just like the movement we are all involved in.

Cheers,
Coolasas

Jill Langhus
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018

Hi Coolasas. I'm glad to hear that you are recovering well and quickly. That's also really good that you noticed a big trigger so that you can work through it and learn what lessons you need to so that you can become even stronger mentally and physically.

coolasas
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018

Hello Jlanghus,
Yes, being mindful of our feelings and our environment is what I preach to my staffs and patients at work, and I know it was working and confirmed them when I was the one in that situation. Being disabled for a couple of months gave me the insights of how it feels to be both physically and mentally challenged, and it was not easy especially if one doesn't have all the support they need but I am glad I had mine, and I am grateful.

Thank you as always for taking the time to read my blog.

Cheers,
Coolasas

Jill Langhus
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018

Hi there:) Mindfulness is so important:) What do you feel that you have learned from this particular experience? It takes a strong person to see the gifts from adversity, as it seems you have. You're very welcome:)

coolasas
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018

I am trying to piece together my experience now that I am almost fully recovered so watch out for my new post on it. :)

Thanks always!

Coolasas

Jill Langhus
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018

Sounds great:) Looking forward to it! Have a great day!

Tamarack Verrall
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018

Hi Coolasas,

"My spirit actually lifted because of 4 degrees increased in my dorsiflexion". Spoken as a true medic. I am so sorry for all you are going through, having to take this long journey back to health at the snail's pace it demands. I think that powerful, determined people intent on making good change happen are most deeply affected by being pulled up to a complete stop with no way forward but extremely slowly. Your turning this into writing will no doubt help others faced with similar surprises. Just a small bit of what I hope is positive info. Many years ago (at 18!) I broke a tibia. My limp went away 1 year later. I do hope yours goes away in 3 months, but don't despair if it takes a bit longer. And yes, as you responded to Olutosin, movement forward together is not as fast as our hearts want, but forward we go, arm in arm.

Best wishes and love for fast healing, and thanks for the wise words in facing challenges,

Tam

coolasas
Jun 01, 2018
Jun 01, 2018

Hello Tam,
Thank you for the words of wisdom. I look up to you for your insights and life stories, they are really uplifting.
I already accepted that I cannot make things go my way. I have to let it takes it course at the same time practice perseverance and patience which I need if I want to get out of this experience a better person.
Keep me in your prayers.

Love, Coolasas

otahelp
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018

Seriously Coolasas for someone that has always been active, bustling and hustling to be grounded could be the worst kind of trauma even for one day. i can imagine your frustration when you could not do those lovely basic things we take for granted. I thank God you did not slip into depression. you were able to manage it and get a hold of yourself just in time. the fear of course will not help you, instead it will magnify every little pain to look as if you will never walk again. At least you were able to read. share the summary of lessons learnt from those books you read. am sure they will be worth sharing. take it easy, life on its own is not easy on any one. you are almost there. keep faith

coolasas
Jun 01, 2018
Jun 01, 2018

Hi Otahelp, I know right? Well, this is a big blow that is teaching me life lesson big time! It was not easy but the world is telling me something and I have to listen. So for that, I am trying to do what I can with little movement in the beginning but now after 4 months, I am pretty much independent and eventually will start doing what I wanted again.
Thanks for the faith boost. Keep the faith as well.
Love, Coolasas

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Jun 01, 2018
Jun 01, 2018

Hello, Coolasas,

Kabayan! So happy to see you on World Pulse. Thank you for sharing your healing process. It must be tough to be at rest with limited things to do. I understand how you want to heal quickly. But I am glad you are able to start blogging because of it. Writing is therapeutic, too.

I look forward to reading your stories. Saan ka sa Pinas?

coolasas
Jun 01, 2018
Jun 01, 2018

Hello Karen,
Writing has been my companion in my journey and definitely buoyed me through difficult times especially this time. I hope more people get inspired, laugh, learn from my posts and know that they are not alone if they are able to relate to my life stories.
Thanks for following me ...
Cheers, Coolasas