I declare, and I am confident to say I am better now.
It has been 4-months since I had my accident and eight weeks in my recovery my doctor already confirmed that my bone healing was done, the bone had fused beautifully. So, this morning I went out on my own without assistive devices to join friends celebrate "fun run." I went for the fun because running is not yet for me. I am still in rehabilitation, and I am giving my self another 3-months to completely heal meaning gaining full range of ankle movement, improvement of my overall strength and normal sensation on the affected foot.
But my journey was never easy. I thought being a physio myself it would not be difficult - I would ace everything and will not be affected by my situation emotionally. I was wrong big time!
Read through my blog post on my emotional roller coaster ride while counting the days since I had the accident.
“Walk on your yellow brick road. If you can’t find one, spray paint your way into happiness. If that doesn’t work, buy yellow shoes.” ― Sadiqua Hamdan, Happy Am I. Holy Am I. Healthy Am I.
Entering the fourth month of my recovery means that I am almost there. In fact, according to the textbook, I am past the 3-month bone healing process, I should be on my way to walking independently until fully recovered
My last radiographic imaging showed that my bones were healing well. They were aligned perfectly, and my doctor gave me very positive commendation on how much progress I am making. He might just see me once a month instead of two, and that is a good sign, right?
When I say fully recovered means, more flexibility in my left ankle and no more swelling. But I still have both and yesterday when I attended my therapy session it made me appreciate more the small changes I observed in me.
In the last months, I suffered what you will call "psychological breakdown." Nothing serious where I need to seek professional help, I guess living with my family helps breaks my downward plunge but then if I am alone I am not able to do anything productive except maybe read a lot of books and start this blog.
It happened when I thought I made a mistake in my attempt to recover early. I told you I am my own worst patient and I didn't follow my prescription and pushed myself too much. When I was not entirely satisfied with my therapy sessions, not getting good results, I increased my home treatment.
One day I started to feel pain when stepping on my left foot and attempted walking, I thought I was just tired and iced it. It didn't improve with ice and rest; even when I put on my aircast, I still felt pain when I put my foot down. Got more worried when I was not able to do proper gait training during my therapy session because of pain. I reported to my doctor, anticipating I made my situation worst and all knowledge and reasons I know are thrown out of the window!
No, it was brought on by me still walking on partial weight bearing, and my forefoot and longitudinal arch are tight. All my doctor did was stretch it, it was painful, but it helped as if I didn't have pain after all.
With that painful episode, it became a trigger for me to be getting down and worried, thinking about how pathetic my life is and replaying how I came to be in this situation. I noticed a trigger ... the thought of work, of some name or words related to my life before the accident triggered these melancholic episodes that made me dive in and swim in "self-pity". I wrote about it in my other blog Bouts of frustrations, boredom and a little bit of self-pity
So what now?
I am trying to crawl back out. To get back into looking at what I needed to do and finish what needs to be done soon.
My spirit actually lifted because of 4 degrees increased in my dorsiflexion. It means that I have 6 more degrees to go to reach the full range of 20. That motivates me to be more positive and do more careful exercises at home not that I also decreased my therapy sessions. I am trying again to be the good patient as I could be.
Additionally, I decided its time to be functionally independent in self-care. It means I am doing it alone overcoming the fear of slipping again and planning on my new shower routine without breaking my bones. That's for another blog.