The thing I am most afraid of is losing the people who have been part of my life for so many years. Since change is inevitable, I realize that growth means winning an extra level of life. It means survive new-dangled journey and simply move forward.
People also shape you to become what you are now. They were the reason why you become vulnerable or stronger, become rebel or open, and other personalities for no reason would make you?
I am a young adult who have experienced desperate things in life and believe to have survived it. When I was younger, I was hallowed to have two different families. I used to stay with my adopted family most of the time because my parents were too busy to attend to my needs. It was hard to think about this set up and the downside of this, I became aloof to my siblings; we never had this strong bond when I was a little kid. It was sad to hear common stories they have together and I have none to share. I do not have a story to tell how we connect as a family. Whenever we go for walk, people would usually inquire my mom or dad, who am I and I saw how they reacted to know that I was the youngest child along with the maddening lines that hurt my ear each time, more often than not they would say “I thought your youngest one is the beautiful girl named Ola”, while other goes like “She doesn’t look like you!”. Our neighborhood would frequently call me “ampon”, it means adopted child. Who would never think about it, I have tan skin, fat, flat nose and look like a random ranch boy before, I am way uglier than you could ever imagine. These simple gestures from casual people built up the personal insecurities I have felt for several years. I felt quite a lot of arrows just pierced directly into my heart and later on the feeling of sadness consumed my compassion and I became distant and cold.
I promised myself, I will prove my worth to anyone who have caused me pain and treated less than I deserve. This is how public have shaped me in early on. I worked so hard for them to know me, I studied hard and harnessed my talent and I used it to overcome my insecurities and flaws. However, appalling scenario happened that determined my new journey and that I have died quite a lot of times. The instant I was sexually harassed by the person close to me, I was 10 years old back then and I kept it until today, afraid to make dispute inside the kin. I distant myself even more and started to enclose anxiety on a daily basis. Another downfall with which for I thought I could not handle. The thing that happened gave me the will to carry out advocacy, to fight for – women! I promised to bring up to date the infuriating act of abusers! I slowly step out to reach with other advocates and to be the voice of those who can’t and to unfurl the blindfold of those who were blinded by fears. I fought and I survived.
I am tough and I believe that, not until my father died. The memory of him in bed, gazing at me as he grasp for his breath trying so hard to convince me he was not losing the battle, then suddenly, he took his last breath. I was there beside him, shocked and unable to move. The recollections of that moment will forever hunt me and whenever it outruns the pace, a part of me died. The start of a new expedition however begins. I started to walk the part where I know longer get attach to people so no one can hurt and hold me back again. I swear to be open for new challenges, to win the battle of every step until I realize what purpose I have here in ground. I embarked murky roads, encountered people that later broke me. I experienced how to belittled, embarrassed, misjudged and I struggled from false accusations. On the other hand, I also have traveled to a lighter world where I met people that inspire and guide lost young people like me and at some point I was thankful that suddenly I feel loved.
As a young adult I have traveled from place to place to see the world in a broader perspective. And for the second time around I have to move further than before to finish my education, that was the hardest thing but I did it anyway because I have dreams. The graduation came so fast and the time of life was not generous at all. I moved again a week after the vacation because of work. Yes my first work and I thought I was blessed to finally be able to look at beyond horizon and test how I will able to be on my own now.
I work after work and met temporary people. I have been experiencing cultures that were quite diverse every year. I have to move back and port, every so often lost but eventually find the way back and I think “Can I still survive the next thing that might happen tomorrow?”
Up until now, I am moving forward, but this time, moving strong and bold that perceives the world in a more optimistic way. It means I will always think of opportunities to every situation I am in, for as long as I’m prepared to take risk and ready for failure, I can make great things and as I continue to learn more about life, this will not be the end of the great story I will survive.