The arrival of my first moon

Posted May 15, 2019 from Brazil

I was 11  when I received my first cycle and became a woman.

Before this day arrived, I was a free girl, always happy, creative and full of dreams, who loved to paint, write stories, swim, ride horses, climb trees, pretend I was saving the planet! I already had devotion and spirituality as one of my strongest qualities. I imagined that when I “became a real woman” – I could change the world. I dreamed of that day! I wished I would get my cycle soon!

But when the day finally arrived, nothing happened. I did not get any congratulations, no hugs, no explanation, no acknowledgment, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Until I discovered the power of the menstrual blood, the beauty of the female cyclicity, the preciousness of my fertility – being a woman meant nothing. It was a feeling of emptiness, mixed with melancholy, menstrual cramps, then the desperation of endometriosis, the frustration of infertility…

I spent years in a dormant state, then feeling angry at my body, at the pimples, the hairs, the stomach, the breasts… Eating compulsively, embarrassed for staining school chairs with blood, angry for the women in my family being submissive, and until recently – feeling overwhelmed by the fear that I could never be a mother…

In the past, being a woman was not beautiful or easy for me.

Being a woman in today’s world often means suffering, sacrifice, defiance, weakness, PMS, moods, gossip, competition, shapes, plastic surgery, bulimia, anorexia, consumption, abuse, aggression. Well, I had a long path until I realized that it all began in that month of August in 1993. And that the impact of the arrival of my 1st Moon (menstruation) would determine everything, or at least a great part, of what I would experience as a woman in the following years, and for the rest of my life. This includes the relationship with my body, my blood, my emotions, my relationships with other women and men, and my sexuality…

It was during a Red Tent Activation workshop in Chile, under the tutoring of DeAnna L’am of Red Tents in every neighborhood, that I met again my inner teenager. It was emotional, healing, empowering…

I offered my inner teenage a ritual, a ceremony of rebirth, and I rescued her! I restored her hopes and dreams and her Faith in herself!

Together, let’s embrace and offer guidance to the girls in our lives! We can make a difference in the world! Beginning with information, self-care, self-love, meeting our inner girl, teenager and woman. 

This story was submitted in response to Menstruation Matters.

Comments 9

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Hannah B
May 16
May 16

Thank you for sharing your powerful story!
It sounds like you had a wonderful experience with the Red Tent workshop. I hope that you will continue sharing your experiences with our World Pulse community!
Warm regards,

Jill Langhus
May 16
May 16

Hi Danielle,

Welcome to World Pulse! Thanks for sharing your very personal, insightful and vulnerable story. I'm glad that you came across DeAnna's work and were able to heal yourself. I'm looking forward to hearing more stories from you and learning more about your work and mission.

Hope you have a great day!

May 16
May 16

You are warmly welcome to worldpulse, and with a good opening of your story. It sad to hear at some point you lost trust in your own body.
Its the society impression on us, however we have the upper hand to remake ourselves. Thanks for sharing your story.

May 17
May 17

Dear Danielle,

Welcome to World Pulse. Thank you for sharing you story. Enjoy being a woman...and be empowered!!’

Sinyuy Geraldine
May 21
May 21

Hi Danielle, thank you for such a wonderful story written from the heart. Yes, i agree with you. We have to spread love to the girls in our communities by first loving ourselves. Menstruation can really be tempting especially when it comes with cramps and you cannot speak out due to stigma. We need to stop all these taboos.
Yours sister
Dr Geraldine

Hello, Danielle,

Thank you for speaking your truth on your struggles on accepting that teenage girl and how you experience rebirth and rescued her and restored her dreams. Beautiful story of healing, I learn something new from you today. Please keep writing.

Nusrat Ara
Jun 13
Jun 13

Glad to know that you reconciled with your teenage self. Keep writing and sharing.

Tamarack Verrall
Jul 03
Jul 03

Dear Danielle,
Your story is the story of so many, empowering in your speaking the truth about all that can happen when no information, no ceremony, no celebration is available. How beautiful that you came across the Red Tent Activation workshop in Chile, that you have shared its transformational effect with us, and continue now to offer guidance to girls. Yes, this is important work for us all.

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Hi Danielle,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are most welcome to World Pulse and i am looking forward to more of your inspiring stories.
Stay blessed.