What is fear?

WHAT IS FEAR?????

What is indeed fear? is it the feeling in me that I wont survive? is it a sense in me that I am not alone in this room? is it a desire for me to jump through the window of this moving car? how do I describe it?

Its a voice that speaks to me and me alone. its so loud that it makes me cry but believe me no one hears it. All that they can see are the tears coming down my face and the shivering in me body. I can not sleep nor concentrate, I can not laugh nor frown but all I do is dwell in this feelings that I can not explain. I am scared to share it because people will think I am crazy or not even understand me, but deep down my heart I fight a battle no one knows of.

It is a battle in my heart and I am the victim and at the same time I am the judge. I occupy both positions and its not easy to judge because my plaintiff is not giving me a chance to defend myself. The plaintiffrepresent those decisions I took in my childhood days, the choices I made in my married life and the mistakes I am making daily. They haunt me day and night. they keep awake at night and distract me in discussions I lead. They frustrate me .

The only person who can help me is God and I have to be the author of my story. I can decide to rather drown in my fear or drive it. I can change my situation if only I can tae charge of myself and my thoughts, allowing myself play a victim or victor. Its entirely about me. our fears are what we make them. They are the ghosts we create in our minds.