The unspeakable pain

Immadupoto Shilalo
Posted June 3, 2019 from Kenya

My name is Nasaru from Kenya. I grew up in the Southern part of Kenya border of Kenya and Tanzania, where my community has divers cultural practices that are both good and bad. I'm writing this article to exlress my pain and see if I can feel better .At the age of 15 I underwent through female genital cut that every girl in my community is obliged to go through . I decided to call it "cut" because according to the way of life of my people the cut is considered as a rite of passage for all the girls in my community to prepare them for motherhood in the future. To me it's a cultural practice that's barbaric, harmful to health,meaningless .So the night before the act was carried out i tried my level best to convince  my parents that I don't want the act to be carried out on me and my sister but my cry felt on deaf ears. No one ever talks about the pain ,the depression one can suffer from undergoing through the cut. At first I didn't see as a big deal because since every girl goes through then I don't have to feel that it's harmful to health act. The day I underwent through the cut is still fresh in my mind it feels like yesterday I always it never happened to me and my sister. I bled till I fainted. I was rush to the nearby hospital.i got treatment doctor said I lost lots of blood. I always tell myself sometimes I should kill the woman who did this to me ... I will rewrite this article without getting emotional.

 

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Jill Langhus
Jun 03
Jun 03

Hi Nasaru,

Welcome to World Pulse, dear. Thanks for sharing your painful story. I'm sure something as traumatic as this probably never leaves you and that it would feel like yesterday. It's perfectly okay to get emotional, dear. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to, to heal. Are the new trends, I hope, in your area now that are eliminating this harmful practice?

Let us know how we can help you...

Lisbeth
Jun 04
Jun 04

Hello dear,
How are you doing? Please feel free to express your emotions. When you express them, then you may find the comfort or inner peace. I am really sorry to hear you went through such a horrible act. In Ghana here its a criminal act, illegal and one could be jail when caught initiating such an act. Does it still goes on in your country? Or they hide and do it? Thanks for sharing your story with us, and you are welcome to world pulse. Take care!

Hello, Nasura,

Oh, no! I’m so sorry that you had to go through such emotional trauma and physical pain. I can feel thr betrayal of your parents for not listening to you.

How can we undo that experience? My heart breaks for you for undergoing something that was against your will. I’m sorry you lost a lot of blood and even fainted because of it.

I understand the anger of wanting to kill the woman who did this to you. It is really helpful that you release that emotion. Writing is one way of doing it. Thank you for sharinf your story. This is a step forward. Please continue to write here. This is a safe space. I hope you can find a support group there to help you process that trauma.

Hugs to you, dear. It’s not your fault.

Welcome to World Pulse!

NNANE NTUBE
Jun 03
Jun 03

Hello Nasaru! Quite a painful story. Such cuts hurt a lot. I have listened to testimonies from young girls in my community. It's good you can write down your pain. Try to release your mind from the painful past. Stay strong.

It feels sad to read and process the pains you went through and is still experiencing because of this cut. So sorry it happened to and you and indeed to anyone else. In Nigeria, FGM is still a thing too, despite all laws prohibiting it. And most time, when parents, mothers, grandmothers, aunties and birth attendants are not subjecting the female child to outright FGM, they are busy numbing up her clitoris with hot water! The female child gets the whole of her vagina pressed with hot water from birth till about three months or thereabout!

Perhaps, now that you have gained the power to share your story and your pains, you could channel the anger you feel towards the advocacy against FGM in your country and community. Maybe rescuing some other girls from the cycle will aid your inner healing.

Sending so much love and light your way.

Busola.

irenejoy
Jun 05
Jun 05

So sad that you underwent this terrible barbaric rite! I know that iam lucky because my parents were able to spare my sister and i from the traumatic experience which is now dying out in my community.
Such experiences are normally really difficult to put behind you but just know that time is a great healer and soon all the memories will fade away.
It is always good to try to talk about your feelings and nightmares with an older relative who can empathize with you or even try to seek professional help.
Pole sana tena sana (so sorry)!

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

Thank you dear

Z.Elias
Jun 06
Jun 06

Hello dear,
I hope you are doing well now ?! This so heartouching story.
But I’m sure that you are gonna go through this, because you are a strong woman because you started by sharing your story with us, and that’s a huge step indeed.
All I got to tell you is that your voice is heared!
Please speak up and let the world hear you as we do, because those practicals must stop, and I’m todely with you.
Thank you.

Jacqueline Namutaawe

Oh sweetheart may you heal completely of the wounds this caused to your heart,even heaven is unhappy on your behalf. Forgive the people who did this and advocate for the little ladies out there approaching adolescence who have to go through this heinous practice. Lord Lord because I am a Girl.

bridggyella
Jun 09
Jun 09

Hi Nasaru,
This is a painful story. This is barbaric and should be discouraged in every society. The girl child should feel safe in her own community and be safe in her own gender construction.
I am sorry you went through this ordeal.
Thanks for sharing.

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 10
Jun 10

thank you for sympathizing with me Bridggyella