The unspeakable pain

Immadupoto Shilalo
Posted June 5, 2019 from Kenya

This is  a continuation of my story to get the pain off my shoulder . So I opted to kill the woman who did the cut to me once I grow up,but I told myself too it pays no  fruit since the act will be practised on my juniors in my community . The day after the cut, I bled till I passed out, I was rushed to the nearby hospital ,got treatment after the doctor said I lost lots of blood.my mother said that I almost died because I didn't want to undergo through the cut.The pain of loosing my clit never  affected me psychologically till highschool and  also while studying abroad . Living in a foreign country , I had a problem saying yes to guys interested in me for long term relationship. I have always been like what if  I say yes then when we get intimate the guy finds out that I don't have my labia minora and labia majora my clit in short, I decided to ignore i dated anyway having sex was cool with my guy though I cum by squirting but I wonder if my boyfriend ever notices that I don't have a clit he's a very understanding guy but I keep asking myself do guys even notice the difference.  I have never told him, he talks about me how beautiful and intelligent  I am. He brags around to his friends being with one of the most prettiest girl but he is never aware of what I'm thinking about he is not aware of my thoughts ,I even googled if men can recognize a " circumcised woman". I was wondering if he knows that my pussy looks different from other girls' furthermore I wasn't his first girlfriend, we don't even come from same nationality. I have been an active foreign student leader being best in class and lots of co-curricular activities. So sometimes i think of going through a surgery as I learnt from the internet that there's reversed circumcision for women .I opted to carry out this on me and my peers but I also thought about the side effects . I hope to study my master's program on inclusion ,minority and human rights in the UK to  advocate for girls in my community and around the globe I hope by studying this speciality will give me a platform to bring change to my people and others around the globe. Growing in the 21st century where people tend not to believe that FGM still exist .In my country the act is prohibited and anyone who practices it  faces harsh penalty , but seems to not bear fruit unless one lives around the people where the act is practised . It is something that I have given it a thought on advocating for others since it is hard for a bleeding wound to stop other wounds from bleeding I need to heal first so I can reach out to others by finding world pulse platform where I can express myself freely and also connect with others I believe now I got some courage and motivation to advocate for others.i hope I will get suppoters to promote my advocacy.

Comments 15

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Jill Langhus
Jun 05
Jun 05

Hi Nasaru,

Thanks for sharing the second part of your story! I didn't know they could perform "reverse circumsicion." As for your boyfriend, he's probably not saying anything because he doesn't want to offend or embarrass you. I think if you love him and he loves you, that you could share what happened with him. It will probably bring you closer together sharing something so intimate, or if you don't feel comfortable sharing the whole story just tell him that's what happened.

I'm behind you 120% on your dreams and goals for your Masters and being an advocate for the FGM cause. I think you were born to do this! You could check out the available opportunities on the World Pulse "Resources" page, to see if there are any scholarships. There are some on there sometimes:
https://www.worldpulse.com/my-pulse/resources

Please keep us posted, and thanks again for sharing. You will inspire others through your courage and transparency, dear.

Hope you have a good day!

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

Thank you Jill for your encouraging words I will keep in touch and will share more will check out on the ressources available here.

Jill Langhus
Jun 05
Jun 05

You're welcome, dear!

Good luck, and looking forward to your next post and any updates:-)

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

thank you once again Jill

Jill Langhus
Jun 05
Jun 05

You're very welcome, dear!

Hope you have a good day:-)

Hello, Nasaru,

Thank you for continuing your story. I agree with Jill, if love is really strong with the two of you, then you can open up about it or ask him about it. I believe, by this time, it doesn’t matter to him anymore. I hope he is not just after the intimacy and your physcial appearance though. I hope he loves you and cares for you for who you are -clit or no clit- because that is love.

I support you in your Masters! And I even encourage you to get a PhD, too! Who says you can’t? Grab every opportunity available for you. You were gifted with intelligence and leadership skills. There is no doubt this is what you were meant to do: to raise awareness on FGM still practice today (even if it’s already illegal). Until there’s a girl out there in danger of FGM, you have a campaign to start.

You can do this! We believe in you!

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

thank you Karen

You’re welcome!

Wendy Stebbins
Jun 05
Jun 05

You are amazing. It seems like God put you on Earth for a purpose, to help him help this population. As they say, the gift is in the problem, the opportunity is in the problem. You will make a big difference in this world. I can feel it

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

Thank you Wendy for your kind words .

Olutosin
Jun 05
Jun 05

Welldone and great initiative.
I was cut too. I live with the consequences.
May your dreams materialize.

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

thank you Olutosin ,am sorry to hear that you underwent through the cut too you are an advocate in your country too,hope by 2020 or in the near future no woman would be in danger of FGM.

Lisbeth
Jun 05
Jun 05

Don't mind them they claimed if you are not cut you will be a "prousitute". I am not cut but I am the most discipline lady of the century haha.
I am sad about your experience. Pls its good you forgave her, she is also ignorance about things. How are you doing? I hope you are doing well? Pls take care if yourself.

Immadupoto Shilalo
Jun 05
Jun 05

Doing okay thank you

Z.Elias
Jun 07
Jun 07

Hello dear,
As I said before you are a strong woman there is no doubt about it, because telling your story bravely and most of all you forgiving the lady who have done this to you, I congratulate you on your wisdom act, also, I encourage you to do good even more in your studies.
So please don’t be ashamed of your story, that’s what makes you diffrent from others.
Remember this : because your scars of today, are your strength of tomorrow.
Good luck in spreading awareness about FGM.
Thank you.

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