When growing up as girls, we have different dreams and hopes for our future. If you grew up without a mother or father or you were abused in any way, all you want is a better future. Even if you had a perfect life growing up, you still want a better future. I was one of those girls, focused and determined on a better future for myself. To be as successful as my mother and grandmother who raised me up with nothing but massive love and support.
In most cases, things change because you meet different people with different characters. My future was picture perfect; I planned getting a tertiary education, finding a good job and a nice man, someone I could build a family with. I met someone, we dated for 3 years and he promised to marry me but unexpectedly, I got pregnant and he changed his mind. He didn't only change his mind but he said "I was just joking”. I was shattered and wanted to leave. Here I was, with a planned my future, which was going well until I decided to include someone who does not understand my motivation to succeed.
The pain I felt destroyed me emotionally. We were staying together at the time, I had to move out of his house. I also had to alter my life to suit my current situation. As years pass by many other things changed in me, my trust for people fell; I missed opportunities to further my studies. I met several suitors along the way but my daughter's happiness and welfare came first and I was not willing to compromise. I ended up getting back with my daughter's father because he is the biological father, which means “father part” for my daughter is covered but the “partner part” which caters for me, was not covered because when he talks about his future, it doesn't include me. Our communication is also not healthy because he blames me all the time and never listens to what I say. Since we got back together I have cried many times but not at any point has he wiped my tears. Even as I go through many emotions during my life journey, he has never comforted me.
As women we sacrifice a lot for our kids, even though they may not understand it. When I tell people about my situation, they ask “Why don't you leave him?” And I don't have the answer because I can't explain it. Even financial dependency is a factor because he has more money which means I may lose my daughter if he fights for sole custody. Now how long does it take a woman to get out of these situations? For me it's been 10 years and still counting.
But as I voice it out, I feel like I am becoming light, happier and at peace with myself. More and more ready for change.
Many women in my community and around the world are in the same situation but the difference today is that I have been given an opportunity to heal through sharing my experiences with others. On the other hand, these women are far from healing and need access to platforms where they can share without being judged or afraid of being victimized. When I complete this program, I look forward to helping such women to find peace and inner happiness.