The Frontline of My Life: SINGLE MOTHERHOOD AND LOVELESS RELATIONSHIPS

eatladi
Posted March 4, 2016 from Botswana
Daughter and Mom

When growing up as girls, we have different dreams and hopes for our future. If you grew up without a mother or father or you were abused in any way, all you want is a better future. Even if you had a perfect life growing up, you still want a better future. I was one of those girls, focused and determined on a better future for myself. To be as successful as my mother and grandmother who raised me up with nothing but massive love and support.

In most cases, things change because you meet different people with different characters. My future was picture perfect; I planned getting a tertiary education, finding a good job and a nice man, someone I could build a family with. I met someone, we dated for 3 years and he promised to marry me but unexpectedly, I got pregnant and he changed his mind. He didn't only change his mind but he said "I was just joking”. I was shattered and wanted to leave. Here I was, with a planned my future, which was going well until I decided to include someone who does not understand my motivation to succeed.

The pain I felt destroyed me emotionally. We were staying together at the time, I had to move out of his house. I also had to alter my life to suit my current situation. As years pass by many other things changed in me, my trust for people fell; I missed opportunities to further my studies. I met several suitors along the way but my daughter's happiness and welfare came first and I was not willing to compromise. I ended up getting back with my daughter's father because he is the biological father, which means “father part” for my daughter is covered but the “partner part” which caters for me, was not covered because when he talks about his future, it doesn't include me. Our communication is also not healthy because he blames me all the time and never listens to what I say. Since we got back together I have cried many times but not at any point has he wiped my tears. Even as I go through many emotions during my life journey, he has never comforted me.

As women we sacrifice a lot for our kids, even though they may not understand it. When I tell people about my situation, they ask “Why don't you leave him?” And I don't have the answer because I can't explain it. Even financial dependency is a factor because he has more money which means I may lose my daughter if he fights for sole custody. Now how long does it take a woman to get out of these situations? For me it's been 10 years and still counting.

But as I voice it out, I feel like I am becoming light, happier and at peace with myself. More and more ready for change.

Many women in my community and around the world are in the same situation but the difference today is that I have been given an opportunity to heal through sharing my experiences with others. On the other hand, these women are far from healing and need access to platforms where they can share without being judged or afraid of being victimized. When I complete this program, I look forward to helping such women to find peace and inner happiness.

Comments 9

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Omoy k Williams
Mar 04, 2016
Mar 04, 2016

It's so good that you have began the process of healing all the best.

eatladi
Mar 04, 2016
Mar 04, 2016

Thank you very much Omoy.

Amalie
Mar 07, 2016
Mar 07, 2016

Dear Eatladi,

This is the price that a great mother like you has to pay for the sake of her child. Be assured that you are not the only one in this situation my dear. I hope your situation get better one day. P.S. You have an amazing smile. Keep smiling :)

eatladi
Mar 07, 2016
Mar 07, 2016

Dearest Amalie,

Thank you very much for your message. Thats what keeps me going every single day,knowing that I am one of the many women out there sacrificing so much for our kids.

Very true, Peace starts with a smile. And I will keep on smiling....

ARREY- ECHI
Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016

Thank you for sharing your experience dear Eatladi, Congrats for taking the first step to healing. All the best in this remarkable journey to heal and self discover. Keep Smiling. Arrey  

GetRude
Mar 16, 2016
Mar 16, 2016

Iknow what it means to be in a loveless relationship for a number of reasons. I understand the challenges that you have faced. It is also important to make the right decision dor you and your daughter, so that you are not bullied into believing that you are no good without his guy.

Take care of yourself

hugs

Carolyn Seaman
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016

Thank you for sharing your life experiences - the good, the bad and the not so bad. I hope you find courage and strength as you share your experiences. And thank you for trusting us with sensitive truths about your life. We are all here for you to listen and share with you. Best wishes in your chosen path to reach out to other women.

Warm regards,

Kristina M
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016

Dear Eatladi,

Thank you for sharing your ups and downs and the sacrifices you have made for your daughter.  I wish you continued success in your healing process and hope that as you help other women find peace and happiness that you find the same.

Elizabeth Brewah
Mar 30, 2016
Mar 30, 2016

Dear Eatladi,

Thank you for sharing such a lovely piece. My mum did the same too when we lost our dad some 10 years back and today we are all successful, I am the last of three girls and I am gradually growing to motherhood now.

This is an eye opener for me in the future, if in any way I would become a single mother, these lessons will keep me on top and make me a successful mum like you.

Lets keep up showing what women can do and how we can change the world and make it a better place.

Elizabeth

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