I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT THE SELF WORTH OF A WOMAN

My name is Regina Poto. A Nigerian. A Banker by Profession, a Clergy by calling and a Mother/Philanthropist 

I have a Single Female organization/Fellowship for about seven (7) years now called PST. GINA AND HER PINK LADIES and also one for Married Women called WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE(9yrs).  In my years of interactions with these Ladies I found out that there is a problem most of  them have in common and which I want to share with us here which  I think should be beneficial to others going through same situations. It is the self worth of a Woman! How Do you see yourself as a Woman? 

Self- worth can be defined as ‘a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect’. Worth – This is a word used to indicate the value of something or someone. Usefulness or importance of something as judged by specific qualities. Self-worth has to do with how you see yourself and why do you see yourself that way. Many women in our African setting from a young age were brought up to believe that a woman should not be seen nor heard in the society. That it is a man’s world. She is made to understand that she is a second class citizen. She should not be trained because to them, it is a waste of resources as she will get married, {becomes another person’s property and change name) and start having children and be at home. Women were also seen as objects of sexual gratification and baby making factories. Their opinions were taken with a pinch of salt (their opinion doesn’t count). When family meetings were held or something serious is being discussed, it is usually the men that are called upon to give their opinions and that becomes final, whether it is right or wrong. The married ones are made to feel that they are lucky to be chosen as wives amongst so many ladies and that means you should not complain even when your husband maltreats you even to the point of death and you dare not come home as you no longer have a place in your father’s house. In some cases, if the woman manages to work, she is expected to handover her monies/hard earned salaries to her husband who then decides how to spend it (injustice to the highest order). Women went through a lot and these resulted to them feeling worthless, sense of rejection, value is based on other people’s action or opinion, no job, no education, emotional trauma etc. How Do You Know Women with Low Self Worth/Esteem? 1. They are always Self-bashing: They can’t go a day without bashing something about their looks, personality, skills or virtually anything about themselves. 2. They sacrifice their well beings for others: 3. They constantly doubt themselves 4. They sabotage potential success 5. They love to humiliate others – ‘Misery loves company’. They want you to feel like them 6. They don’t accept compliments 7. They are pushovers 8. They participate in self destructive activities 9. They believe every argument is their fault 10. They depend on others for their happiness 11. They don’t handle rejection well How Do You Find Self-Worth as a Woman?  1. Self- worth ultimately comes from within. The value you place on yourself is the only type of worth you can control. You determine how outside factors influence your inner sense of value. 2. Having an Internal support system (parents, siblings, friends etc.) that allows you see that you are worthwhile, then you’ve got yourself a solid foundation upon which you can achieve your goals. 3. Embrace your mistakes and learn from them. It’s true that you cannot change the past but you can control how you handle those mistakes and press forward. 4. Take opportunities to develop yourself. Read books and blogs on topics that are meaningful to you. Attend seminar, trainings and connect with people of like minds such as World Pulse. Find time to practice a hobby. 5. Make small goals, write them down and write out about two or three action steps in achieving them 6. Share your journey with someone you trust.  7. Set your standards. A woman without set standards is in a very dangerous place. Anything goes! 8. Realize how valuable you really are. Your feminine value is priceless. Your value is not dependent on good looks but on the Gentle Inner Beauty every woman possesses (YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE). 9. Set your mission statement just like organizations set theirs. Let it clearly define who you really are and what you are all about. Have it printed and framed where you can see it daily. 10. Work on identifying, challenging and externalizing your CRITICAL INNER VOICE. Everyone has that critical inner voice that loves to nitpick and point out your flaws. Identify it and challenge it when it comes up and remind her how Worthy and Valuable you are. Don’t keep quiet. Speak back and silence that Voice – REMEMBER, A CLOSED MOUTH IS A CLOSED DESTINY