The Frontline of My Life: Overcoming Fear
The relationship with my country and the Central American and Caribbean region is a strong, growing relationship at a personal and professional level. I am on the cusp of moving forward in claiming my space as a woman with something to contribute to my country and region. Perhaps I may also have something to contribute to the world. I am also exploring that possibility.
I have reflected a lot on who I am and why I have not moved along faster on my path towards unleashing my leadership contributions to build resiliency. Just recently I was reminded of what was billed as an African proverb that if a person wants to get somewhere faster, go it alone. If you want to go further, go together. It was an excellent reminder and a validation that I am not moving along the path as fast as I sometimes thing I should be going because I am not someone who goes it alone but rather the person who ‘goes together.’
Nonetheless, I do realize that there is a difference between ‘going together’ and ‘doing it alone’. There is much that I have to do to advance on my leadership path and in many cases these are things that must be done alone, even while I am ‘going together.’ Do you know what I also discovered from this realization following all the reflection? I discovered that there is fear inside me that is holding me back. While I see my proverbial glass as half full I question whether it is really half full? That is fear holding me back. The fear was amplified when I was forced out of an employment position that left me without a stable income source for twelve months.
My emotions were stripped raw and it took a lot of will power and self-affirmation to climb out of the ditch of self-doubt, insecurity, uncertainty and weakened confidence and esteem. I had to hold up the emotional mirror constantly and repeatedly in any given day, week and month, forcing myself to see the options and acknowledge gratitude for the small graces and the resources I have that can be brought to service in an area of great need in my country and region, especially among women, men and youth of African descent. While many are competent in what they do, they lack certification that allows income generation through employment or entrepreneurship.
Reflecting now though, I realize that the fear that existed before and during the time of being pushed down in the ditch and even now that I am at a better place climbing out of the ditch, that fear still is pretty much alive and holding me back from climbing out of the ditch fully and completely and running down my path unleashing my leadership contributions to build resiliency through higher education certification training.
That fear is what I am grabbing hold of right now because I must shake it loose and throw it in the dump heap of negative destructive elements. I know I will be shaking it loose and throwing it as far away as I can because I must! Everything in my being is calling me to get involved in the formal academic training for certification at the higher education level for vulnerable, marginalized people at a cost that is affordable and in a way that is fully accessible with the highest quality and standard.