Gender-based violence and persistent paradigm of human being; shall we change it and when..?

Erna Surjadi
Posted April 23, 2015 from Indonesia
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Gender-based violence (GBV) and persistent paradigm of human being; shall we change it and when..?

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Today I heard from the women priest in the Women Worship that most human being are having old paradigm which mostly want to hear what they want, from their own analysis, own perception, own angle and so on. While in fact, we have to think beyond, due to God's plan is not the human's plan, however He would give us the best!It seems the human paradigm is mostly held strongly in the case of GBV. I read from the Report (No ceiling: Full Participation Report) , related to gender-based violence (GBV) that many women in certain countries still believed that they deserved to be punished when she argued with the men. This is truly sad; a biased perception that strongly placed within patriarchy culture and being followed by men and women without any option of knowledge on human rights as being launched long time ago in 1993, Vienna; even earlier than Beijing 1995. (Women's rights is integral to human's rights)

In brief, after coming back from the United Nations CSW 59 in New York, I also got impression many people believe that we don't move too much after Beijing 20 years ago. One of participants in the Gender Harmony (GH) panel discussion at CCUN during the event; showed her thumb and pointing finger almost tight to teach other; just this much she said... In the past almost two decades ago, we heard many people raised up hands and yell: Zero tolerance! Many countries produced laws on eliminating domestic violence many programmes and of course many projects absorbed lots of money to reduce the evidence which been categorized as crime to humanity! One victim is enough; no more weeping; let's eliminate the violence against women! However, facts shown that violence against women still there, continue occurs and being repeated day by day, even from time to time, mostly by men and or even the spouse/ lovers or relatives.

It seems that the knowledge of human/women's rights is missing; if presents it is not being explained well and proper that made men and also women not knowing how to respect, to fulfill and to protect their rights! Men believe biasedly (even some of them taken religion as the reference; a biased perception due to all religion talk about Love, God's Love the unfailing Love; and how human needs to give love one of another). The human paradigm is another theory to confirm what had been found in the research in Indonesia during 2003-2004 and 2005-2006; which been completed during 2006-2008; and 2008-2010 within South East Asia Region; that later on published under the name : Gender Harmony (GH).

One man was beating his wife so badly; because he smell smoke from his wife body while actually she just had an office meeting with several men who were mostly smoking in the area. He forgot totally he has no right to give pain to the woman; he missed the communication to get the real story; and he just directly implementing his own perception, what he thought and wanted to his wife. Most important he missed the 'respect' to human rights that legally attached to the woman as his wife. One woman poured one tin of boiled soup to her husband due to she got mad to the husband who failed to find job. She also forgot that nobody may hurt others; she didn't ask why he failed; she just doing what she wanted and thought to express her feeling of disappointment. Again most important she didn't learn to put respect to other human being, particularly to the husband as any religion taught her to do so. Testimony after implementing GH; spouses learn to grow respect to each other through effective communication, re-orienting the patriarchy culture into egalitarian ethos, build family coping mechanism and creating gender transformation towards family welfare. One lady from Argentina said: I wish I know GH earlier; so I don't have to waste my time fighting with my husband. That's why we need not only women's empowerment, more over also men's empowerment that lead to Gender Empowerment (GE); which been introduced lately during the CSW 59, CCUN, 12 March 2015. Harmony is a process not given; it can lead to gender equality. GH starts with knowledge; thus we need to educate people; early education from youth/ school is strongly suggested. It is better put prevention than cure after it happened - primary prevention is the most priority method. The basic variable of respect (to human rights) with intervening factor on effective communication shall lead to unity (of family welfare). Learning is a long live activity. Never too late to learn; however we best learned it as early as we could to create norms and attitude and practices in all life aspects towards harmonious living. GH may reduce 56% domestic violence cases; its a promising tool against gender violence!

People say ; the boss demands respect, the leader commands respect! The boss knew how it is done, the leader knows how to do it!Shall we let women and men not knowing their human rights? Or shall we keep them thinking 'in the darkness' of their own biased perception?Bring the lights on and create changing for a better world to men and women free from domestic violence!

Nobody is perfect; we may not do everything; however together we can do something!Gender Harmony for changes! Gender Empowerment is needed now! The decision is yours - it is your freedom of choice: a human right!Let's create Peace and Harmony!God bless..

more data and query, if any:www.genderharmony.infowww.genderempowerment.com

The Path to Participation Initiative from World Pulse and No Ceilings

Comments 8

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Adanna
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015

Dear Erna,

Thank you for speaking out about gender-based violence. Almost everyone would love to be treated with respect yet some people seem to forget that. When everyone learns to treat one another with respect, the world will be better off. 

I would love to see every country in the world speak out against gender-based violence and also pass laws that will curb it especially domestic violence.

Thank you once again for speaking out!

Erna Surjadi
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015

Dear Adanna,

The 'forgetting' moment seems created due to the 'human paradigm' explained above by the women Priest.

By fact, when GH invites people to get practiced into 'harmonious living'; we request them to put respect to other human being as the first act; in whatsoever they are right or 'wrong'.  it's a peaceful manner..!

Today, I have discussion on GH  - one of the principles that may help: "We don't have to say everything we know, but we have to know everything we say". We can start practicing to listen to our words (what we said) first; then only we can 'listen' to other's words and put respect on her/him. What is the message..? It is a beautiful way if we can see the 'heart' by talking and respecting others.  Don't judge people, particularly your loved ones; when they think or do or say; they must have reason(s)! They might be wrong or even we can be wrong because nobody is perfect; however next time we can go on together by effective communication among others for shared benefits!

Remember, God teaches us to forgive and to love; and He is the Holy Judge at the final life; not human! Thus, it is a must, the 'respect' come first from ourselves not the the spouse or other person(s). Plant first then only we can do the harvest! It would come in return accordingly!

I think more men need to be reminded about the purpose of God creating men and women; put respect as they meant to be; a partnership! Ofcourse women need also to be reminded; if they didn't respect themselves first who can respect them? Women need to grow own respect to their dignity and partnership to men; then only men can give back their respect for harmonious living. Why?

A person who cannot help themselves mostly true cannot help others. In addition, all men are coming after women; except one man: Adam! No wonder, excuse me; history noted that most men were down because of women.. Take it in positive ways; let's grow respect among men and women - then only GBV can be reduced and being eliminated!

God bless..

ES

Pushpa Achanta
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015

Dear Erna,

I appreciate your courageous and meaningful article. Conventions, laws, policies et al can help only partially. Patriarchal mindsets must go for violence against women, girls or sexual minorities to stop and respect to start. We should keep making the efforts to create the world that we want.

Best,

Pushpa

Dani26
May 03, 2015
May 03, 2015

Dear Erna

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and insights. I have to admit I have not come across the idea of 'gender harmony' before, but am keen to learn more about it. Unfortunately violence against women is a scourge across the world - in 2015 so far, 34 women have been killed in Australia due to violence, most of them at the hand of men they knew. We all have a lot to learn about how to best stop violence against women, and I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on this.

Sending you warm wishes, Dani  

Erna Surjadi
May 03, 2015
May 03, 2015

Dear Pushpa,

Thanks for your comment; and sorry couldn't reply earlier to to my tight activities.

In fact in the handbook of 'Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action published by UN Women recently in 2014 and being distributed during the CSW 59 in New York; it is said that 'Educational systems should promote self-respect, mutual respect, and cooperation between women and men' ; page 78, item 119. Thus you arte totally right, the most important needed is the will!

GH has started the movement for promoting 'respect' since 2010; and continue to Gender Empowerment (GE) in 2012; that promotes gender (men and women) empowerment. We have tool to create harmony; and inviting the role of men not only women to create family coping mechanism to get gender transformation towards the gender equality and equity. The method had been created through scientific research and followed by many testimonies from several countries regarding to its useful.

 It is sad, some women activists and or policy makers still believe that women's empowerment needed alone; in order to catch their position in advance to the men's position. While actually in reality,  two steps of women's advancement may face one to three steps retreat stimulated by men that made the women 'went back' or even worse than before.  In Manila, during 2005 I learned that 7 out of 9 women who succeeded being divorced by men!

We need to change patriarchy culture into egalitarian culture; and this is only possible when women and men are being empowered together to get re-orientation of the culture, push away the biased perception and start learning to give respect to each other; hand in hand for harmonious living!

May God help us..

Everything good must end up good; that is God's promise!

God bless...

Erna Surjadi
May 03, 2015
May 03, 2015

Dear Dani,

Thanks for sharing your information and made comment to the posting.

I remember once, long time afo; watching film: "War of the roses' - where husband and wife got fight that end up to ruin themselves accordingly. No body win, both were loss!

GH has been available in the Australian Library University; I caught once in the internet search. However those are in Indonesian. The English version: Gender Emnpowerment; has just being launched lately and being introduced to public during NGO CSW 59 in New york, March 2015.

I have friends who have the Gender Empowerment (GE) book; at Federal University of Ballarate (P. Braun) and Ministry of Trade in Australia (C.Balogh). Hopefully you could contact them to read more about GH and GE. GH may give the secondary prevention and we strongly suggest to create primary prevention on GBV twards the harmonious living.

Hope to No more victim of GBV in the future!

When there is a will, there is a way!

God bless...

Dani26
May 04, 2015
May 04, 2015

Thanks so much for those tips, Erna, I'll do what I can to find the books and read more.

Keep up the great work!

Best wishes Dani

annadassa
May 07, 2015
May 07, 2015

Dear Erna,

Thank you so much for sharing about gender-based violence and domestic violence. But most of all what you shared about respect. Respect that we give to other is very very important and going through Domestic violence of any kind is no respect at all.

Thank you once again for sharing this powerful story and I wish you courage and strenght as you move forward,

Annadassa

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