Prevent Domestic Violence and Create Living in Peace and Harmony towards Happiness!

Erna Surjadi
Posted May 24, 2015 from Indonesia
Role Play Violence against women
Role Play Violence against women: GH Training for Public, 2011, Jakarta (1/1)

Prevent Domestic Violence and Create Living in Peace and Harmony towards Happiness!


Most people want happiness in life and people say, happiness is in yourself!

One story teller from China showed it. One day one man with one backpack attached to his body crossed over with another man on the street nearby the village. The other man, quite old but still looked healthy; was very curious when he saw the other man who walked with the head down, looked tired, pale and gloomy. He tried to stop him and said: "Hi..., why you looked so sad..?". The man stunned and then suddenly sat down on the side of the street, closed his face with his hands. "What happened, would you tell me, maybe I could help..?", said the older man who also sat down on the ground next to him. The man dropped his back pack and sighed: "I have terrible life; I lost my job, the fire burnt out my earlier place and belongings, and my friends went away". He looked to the sky with empty face; "My family lives in the villages, they are very poor; and now I don't know where to go... What I have only this in the back pack, not enough money to bring to them to make them happy.. I am very sad..!"

The old man sat down in silence and suddenly he grasped the backpack and ran away to the village area. The man tried to follow him while shouting:" Hey... what are you doing...? Come back...! Give back my backpack!" He was apparently so weak, he loss his energy to run so he stopped and cried. "Why God you took away the only thing I have left. What I have to bring to my family now..?". He raised up his face and looked to the long walk to the village with tears down, however suddenly he tried to wipe up his eyes while staring to one thing nearby the rock; his backpack! He got up and ran as fast as he could; he grasped the backpack and checked the content; nothing was missing! "Thank you Lord, thank you..! You make me happy by returning my belonging".

A few steps from the rock the older man was smiling at him. When he realized it, he shouted with rage: "Why you took my backpack.?!" . "Are you happy now..?", the older man replied. "Those are all the things you already have, I just wanted to show you that happiness is in you! You forgot to praise God for what you have, He is all of the time still be with you; He has another plan for you; and you may not forget that your family is waiting for you with hug and love no matter how much money you have or not.."

Every human never asked to be born and accordingly live in this world with dignity and freedom. The declaration of human rights, Vienna, 1993 confirmed it; the women's rights is integral part of the human rights. While we were kids, the parents supported the growing process as mandated by God and confirmed by Law created by Government. Although every human has the rights to education, job and development; life is not that easy; violence born in family, community and in state.

There is no day without a problem! Poverty, jobless, diseases, natural disaster, conflicts etc are noted from time to time. Thus, we need to have smart living, gaining knowledge and skills, helping each other to be succeeded in life with peaceful mind, as most people dream it...

Live with peace and harmony is not given; it is acquired, need practicing over the time. One key element needed to live in peace with other persons is respect. We put respect to other persons, either they are normal or disable; to grow unity among others. Respecting other people's human rights meant for accepting other people's choice, voice and force to certain things related to themselves and human being. Opinion, taste, preference, property and so on would be different from person to person, different ages, different ethnics, different nations even within twins!

The most important tools in growing respect among persons, particularly within spouses, siblings, organization etc is effective communication. Misunderstanding to certain word or language about one condition/ situation; if not being agreed it may lead to latent crisis in mindset due to it is not seen by naked eyes but growing faster in mind and heart. It becomes a prejudice, a false conclusion, an anger, illegitimate, being neglected, and so on. The latent crisis with only small stimulation may manifest as violence, either physical or psychological (verbal, body language etc) or sexual or economical which aimed to control the person and under 'the power' of the stronger person.

Fact findings revealed that due to fear, many women kept silence; not dare to speak up nor even did some act against the violence situation. Once the person thought you were quilty, the latent crisis is growing fast without stopping. Thus, in whatsoever condition you were right, try to explain in your way from your condition without pointing any mistake to any one, particularly to your spouse or person in power.

One woman one afternoon received message from her husband that he would come home late due to he had to go to the car station first. They lived in big city Jakarta, Indonesia which attached with traffic jam most of the time. She reminded him to take meals. The husband replied:"Take it easy don't worry honey. I'm not hungry already had some snacks. Will eat out later and be home soon". So the wife replied:" OK, we'll eat and go to mall tonight". The husband came home and slept with the wife. when woke up the wife took shower and dressed up in assumption they would go out for dinner. However the husband showed his rage emotion by saying:"What actually do you want, I just woke up..". The wife was surprised so she said whether they stil going or not. The husband just in silence then took shower; afterwards he came out and said: "I'm so tired; why you still want to go out..?" In certain consideration, the wife felt that the idea was coming from the husband, thus when he didn't respect himself even tried to turn down her as she had no emphaty to his condition - she felt unfair. Thus calmly she said, it's better for the husband stayed home and she went out due to she got dressed already.

The wife went out shopping, bought some food and came home after 1.5 hours. She ate alone in the bedroom; she left some food in the dining table. Later at night the husband came to the bedroom and slept without saying anything. In the morning; the husband woke up the wife and said:"I think you have mis-communication. I wanted to eat out but I didn't want to go out". The wife were listening; she knew that ego of a man was always there; since he never disagreed to her suggestion to go to a mall. However she said:"I don't like when your voice in anger; nobody want it even the maid..!" They are in silence for a while; then the husband started telling story from the news. The wife gave respond likely in the regular converstation and they knew they understood each other again. It seems they were back inviting respect to their relationship. Later they were agreed to go to restaurant and eat together. Peace was born and harmony was around!

Gender Harmony (GH) was developed based on long research from 2003-2006; 2006-2008; and 2008-2010. GH may reduce the domestic violence cases 56%. It needs practicing and the will for happiness! Testimonies are noted.

God is always good; He might have plan for the man with backpack to be together again with their family - they might work together in the village with better future compared he worked alone in the city. God was also taught the couple to keep respecting one to another, particularly when they were getting older; weaker, exhausted etc. Anger and creating distance when you were tired or sad wouldn't bring goodness; however while we cannot do everything in this difficult and crazy world, together we might do something! Peaceful mind is part of health, the most precious thing in life!

No rights no harmony; No harmony no Peace; and No peace no Happiness!

Happiness is in yourself; however you need to keep that up within respect to each other from time to time...! And keep remember that the most important intervening factor in growing harmony is effective communication!

God bless...

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