Control or not to control? What a great question!

Posted April 29, 2021 from Poland
The Thief of Control


Control is our first thief.[1]


People tend to create the desire to control the uncontrollable, and/or try to control the past and the future which destroys their happiness and internal peace. That’s because it is simply impossible to control everything!


“The acceptance is the secret to peace of mind” – Buddha said once. The key to being happy is living the moment by accepting things as they are.


The perfect example: Living in the time of Covid-19 is a great worry of ours, we have learnt that we have no control over our freedom or leeway. Drastic, not necessarily acceptable decisions regarding our freedom or permitted activity are being made globally.


Individuals in power are making confusing utilitarian decisions, misleading guidelines, and our interpretations of regulations which lead to national frustration. We can no longer leave our homes, go for a walk, and even breathe the way we want.


Certainly, we have not been prepared for this and we tend to blame everything on the virus.


The truth is that in terms of our inner control the virus did not change that much, because ‘the lack of control’ issue has been present long before lockdowns.


You can control your actions and responses to particular events. However, you are powerless over events themselves. Here is our “thief” in action! When a problem occurs you naturally anticipate a particular outcome, but it might not materialize as expected. This triggers the perception of the lack of control that immediately lowers your self-esteem, inevitably leading you to anxiety, disappointment and unhappiness. Various studies confirmed that to be a classic “domino effect”.


“Regretting the past and worrying about the future prevent you from living in the present.”


You are the owner of your life and you should be in charge of it. There is no reason why you couldn’t boot the control thief out of your life. You will never be able to eliminate errant thoughts, but it is in your power to steer them in a direction you choose. You alone determine whether you will allow unhealthy thoughts to occupy your mind or not.


Meditation and other accessible tools, e.g. life coaching, can help you to brush aside negative or destructive thoughts.


One of the goals of The Core Life Coaching is helping you to recognize the thief of control and your destructive thoughts and then sweep them away from your life.


Authors: Ewa Babicka & Ania Abczak

Published on: Control or not to control? What a great question! - Professionals UK



[1] Our sincere apology to Dr John Izzo the researcher of the theory and the author of the book " The Five Thieves of Happiness" whose name has been omitted due to editor error in the previous article.


Comments 2

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Jill Langhus
Apr 30
Apr 30

Hi Ewa,

It's very true what you're saying that one of the biggest challenges with Covid is the lack of control, or perceived lack of control. I quite agree. I realized this early on. It really bothered me when we weren't allowed to go out of our houses to even walk. It really affected me mentally. It bothers me what little little freedom we really have, and also lack of control. I came from a very controlled environment, so when I perceive lack of it, it can send me into a tailspin.

Thanks for sharing.

Beth Lacey
May 04
May 04

This is spot on. I have had a mantra that I have pulled out so many times- "Worry about what you can control, and leave the rest."