ignorance and stereotypes

It was one morning when I messed up myself with my blood, I was 13 years old. My aunt and I were in the kitchen preparing food and I got up to grind spices, when she saw my bloodstained dress. She quickly asked me to go and get a shower and I just obeyed. She cane back with a packet of pads and gave it to me. She told me \" you are now a woman and if a man touched you from now, you will get pregnant .\" That was our 1st and last discussion on menstruation and sexual and reproductive health.

Fear took over me. So many questions were on my mind. \"How can I get pregnant from a touch?\" \"How can I be only 13 and I am a woman?\" \"Was my mother 13 when she gave birth to us all?\". The questions were so many. The next and most difficult thing was not being touched by a man because I was in a house made up of only boys, my brothers. How do I behave towards them? How do I tell them not to touch me? It was very difficult. My brothers and I played a lot. We talked about so many things but this one got my mouth glued and my brain thinking.

I left the room and went back to the kitchen. The meal was prepared and it was time to meet with my brothers to start our usual pranks but I couldn't. They were very quick to discover my change in attitude and they wanted to know what was happening. I just avoided them because I was on my menses and did not want to get pregnant. When they came closer to me, I threatened to \"report them to mami\" because that was the only way to keep them away as they also feared getting into problems with her. This attitude lasted until I finished my menses and after that, we played and did our usual things together.

Menstruation was a horrible experience to me because I took the same attitude to school. I could not sit with boys during my menses and everyone looked at me during those few days as weird. I couldn't understand and didn't know what to do, so I asked my friends about that. They made a mockery of me but went ahead to teach me how to count my safe and unsafe period. They told me that the \"touch\" wasn't an ordinary one. They said the \"touch\" was to have sex. Another reason for me to get frightened. From menstruation to having sex. I was more confused and worried.

My Biology teacher taught me reproduction and menstruation. It helped me a little but I still felt an emptiness. I had to figure that out to be free.

I kept talking with my friends and saw some of them become young mothers, others died due to crude abortions and all of the other risks involved in menstruation and sex. I kept thinking on what to do.

When I got my own kids, 2 girls and 1 boy, I told myself that I had to help them out of \" my kind of experience \". I began talking about their body parts with them with some care until when my son returned from school one day and told me \"mummy, I have a penis and not a zizi\". It hit me real hard. I learnt my lesson and took advantage to tell them freely about puberty. They became more open and we could talk about everything. When my daughter turned 10, I was super excited and gave her her 1st packet of pads. I just couldn't help talking about menstruation and sex with her. She had to keep that packet of pads for good 3 years before using them. When she finally did, it was exciting but a little difficult because she didn't handle the used pads properly. That was not a real problem, the real problem was her friend who knew nothing about menstruation and went ahead to call her a \"very big girl of 16\". I had to talk with the girl and I discovered her mum had never told her anything on menstruation.

I had to break that myth. We have to tell our kids about themselves and puberty. I began talking with other mothers who said they were shy, their parents never told them, they know nothing and so can't say anything. This was difficult and so I took upon the creation of Gender Clubs and my NGO so as to be able to reach out to many people.

I also discovered that taking care of themselves during menstruation was a problem and I had to join the menstrual hygiene campaign with the provision of washable pads to the ladies in some remote and empoverished areas.

No woman or girl has to be ignorant or feel uncomfortable to talk about menstruation, sexual and reproductive health to their kids.

I want a Cameroon where we are not ashamed of who we are.